I am my own worst enemy

[Always_Scared]

I will never learn. I'm such a ******* idiot!
I have been in the worst shape I've ever been with my HA. These last 2 weeks have been so awful that I didn't think I would make it through the week.
Just this week alone I have jumped to 5 different cancers from all the symptoms I am having. So guess what do I do... I come on here and start reading posts about things that I wasn't worried about and BANG!! I read one little sentence that changed everything. I've had these pains before on and off and I had no idea that it could be a symptom of this cancer. Just great!

I can't do this anymore. Every waking moment of the day I am terrified I have cancer somewhere in my body. I have so many symptoms of so many cancers.
I hate playing this roulette wheel of cancers. One day I'm going to spin it one too many times and land on the worst one and that will be the end of me.

Sorry I just needed to vent a little. I'm so mad at myself

 

[Trunchbee]

I’m right there with you. The mind is one sensitive, yet strong SOB!! Even after seeing doctors therapists and doctors, I’m still convinced they’re missing something major . I hope you’re feeling a little better in knowing you’re not alone in your HA

 

[bin_tenn]

One day I'm going to spin it one too many times and land on the worst one and that will be the end of me.

The same can be said for all of us. If you say something repeatedly, there will always be a chance that you'll be right. I can say every day "I'm going to eventually have heart disease" and if/when it happens, I can say "see, I was right!" But that doesn't mean it's going to happen, and refusing to say it doesn't mean I will *not* ever have heart disease.

Are you currently in therapy? Taking any medication(s) for anxiety?

 

[Always_Scared]

Are you currently in therapy? Taking any medication(s) for anxiety?

Yes, I just started escitalopram. Day 5 and therapy to follow. Let's hope it helps. I've been this way for a very long time and it's just getting worse with age.

 

[bin_tenn]

Yes, I just started escitalopram. Day 5 and therapy to follow. Let's hope it helps. I've been this way for a very long time and it's just getting worse with age.

I'm glad you're giving those things a try. You probably know it takes time for these things to work, and in the meantime things will still be rough, unfortunately. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Scared1234]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. In the last month, I have thought my symptoms were pancreatic cancer, ovarian cancer, liver cancer, PC cancer that has spread to liver and hip, etc.
right now I’m on a new one.. Bile Duct Cancer. Super rare but not impossible for me to have. It all comes from me reading the notes on my CT scan. Now I’m worried that it means I have this cancer. I keep telling myself that surely a scan would pick up the tumor of it was in there or if something was blocking my duct. But it’s not enough for the worry to stop. Biliary duct cancer is pretty much a death sentence. So I went from being worried about ovarian cancer (decent survival rates) to Bile Duct Cancer (super bad prognosis). My CT found cysts on my kidneys and I’m not freaking out about that. Mainly because I know the prognosis is good. Why do I have to worry about one of the most rare cancers? I even looked up my chances of getting the cancer and divided it by the 50 states. But no information on how many people under 40 are diagnosed. So not super accurate.

I can honestly say, if I can get past this HA without it being a cancer, I will definitely talk to my doctor about taking the anxiety meds she recommended last spring.

Here’s to hoping we can all get our HA under control and not have anything sinister in our bodies...

 

[Jgriffin]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. In the last month, I have thought my symptoms were pancreatic cancer, ovarian cancer, liver cancer, PC cancer that has spread to liver and hip, etc.
right now I’m on a new one.. Bile Duct Cancer. Super rare but not impossible for me to have. It all comes from me reading the notes on my CT scan. Now I’m worried that it means I have this cancer. I keep telling myself that surely a scan would pick up the tumor of it was in there or if something was blocking my duct. But it’s not enough for the worry to stop. Biliary duct cancer is pretty much a death sentence. So I went from being worried about ovarian cancer (decent survival rates) to Bile Duct Cancer (super bad prognosis). My CT found cysts on my kidneys and I’m not freaking out about that. Mainly because I know the prognosis is good. Why do I have to worry about one of the most rare cancers? I even looked up my chances of getting the cancer and divided it by the 50 states. But no information on how many people under 40 are diagnosed. So not super accurate.

I can honestly say, if I can get past this HA without it being a cancer, I will definitely talk to my doctor about taking the anxiety meds she recommended last spring.

Here’s to hoping we can all get our HA under control and not have anything sinister in our bodies...

You know what's crazy.....I have the same cancer fears and weekly jump from disease to disease. **** got real for me in August when I found a thyroid nodule and they needed to test for cancer I about passed out waiting every day for ultrasound then waiting another two weeks for biopsy and the waiting for results about killed me. Results were benign but have to get rechecked every six months. I was 100percent it was going to be cancer. When it was benign I was bawling. I said to my doctor just getting checked for cancer is scary. She said honey you've been checked for cancer every year since young when going for pap smears and anytime you have blood work. I realized well shoot she's right....we just think it's routine or yearly this or that when I'm fact it's always looking for something. I'm not afraid of dying. I really am not. I'm afraid of leaving 6 kids without a mom. I'm way more terrified of not getting over health anxiety. I see your posts and I'm right there with ya

 

[Scared1234]

Yes! I also worried about thyroid cancer because my local dr/hospital finally went to an online portal a few years ago so I was looking through all my files and reading doctor notes. In that, I found a CT scan from when I’d been rear ended in a car accident. It said I had modules on my thyroid and I had never been told that, in two years!! I called my doctor and she ordered blood work and an ultra sound. They hadn’t grown and I was referred to ENT. He said since they hadn’t grown, he wasn’t concerned and didn’t feel the need to biopsy. I wasn’t as freaked out about thyroid cancer. Probably because people can live with it and survive. Biliary Duct Cancer is pretty much a death sentence and since I have a CT that has the fact my ducts are dilated and the elevated bilirubin level. I feel like it will raise even more if I get re-tested! . Cancer scares me. My anxiety dies too, but the fear of getting cancer and my kids having to witness me wither away and die really bothers me. More than anything!

 

[Jgriffin]

Yes! I also worried about thyroid cancer because my local dr/hospital finally went to an online portal a few years ago so I was looking through all my files and reading doctor notes. In that, I found a CT scan from when I’d been rear ended in a car accident. It said I had modules on my thyroid and I had never been told that, in two years!! I called my doctor and she ordered blood work and an ultra sound. They hadn’t grown and I was referred to ENT. He said since they hadn’t grown, he wasn’t concerned and didn’t feel the need to biopsy. I wasn’t as freaked out about thyroid cancer. Probably because people can live with it and survive. Biliary Duct Cancer is pretty much a death sentence and since I have a CT that has the fact my ducts are dilated and the elevated bilirubin level. I feel like it will raise even more if I get re-tested! . Cancer scares me. My anxiety dies too, but the fear of getting cancer and my kids having to witness me wither away and die really bothers me. More than anything!

Yup me too. Don't want my kids to see me die

 

[Scared1234]

I didn’t have much health anxiety until o had kids. I had anxiety over my kids being born healthy but I think that’s typical. But my gallbladder issue seems to have been what set all this in motion. Mainly bc back then, I was convinced I had pancreatic cancer and not gallbladder stones