I’m in a paranoia state over my HA and I can’t take this anymore..

Missy · May 31, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
Hi guys. Bigjet here. Not sure why I can’t log into my old account so I have to make a new one everytime. :/ (wrote down my info for my account for once).
I’m in a really, really, really bad state right now. I have convinced myself I have BC and after reading a symptom online and thinking about what I have, I already convinced myself I have it. There’s no other explanation.
I can’t even grow the balls to go to the doctor, like there’s noway. I hate how much of a coward I am. Because I have a beautiful family but that doesn’t give me the strength to go.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I guess just venting, and I can’t wait to leave work so I can cry. God please help me. Sometimes I feel like it’s easier to just not be here anymore and have to deal with HA…

I understand. Please stop going online. This is only making you more anxious. Can you get counseling? It will get better but it takes hard work and be easy on yourself.

Kingdoey · May 31, 2022

You need to see your GP if you are concerned. Tell them your exact symptoms and fears. Let them investigate. Then if they are satisfied you leave it at that. I know its easier said than done. For me the biggest way to get my HA under control was when I see my doctor i trust him. He has been doing the job for years, had to train and he is the professional.

Stop all this talk about not being here.HA is crippling. Believe me I know. I have diagnosed myself with everything over the years. Stay off the internet is the golden rule. It does nothing but fuel your HA. Secondly you must get the courage to see your doctor. Detail everything and TRUST them. Hope you are feeling better soon. Take care

Jonathan123 · May 31, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
Hi guys. Bigjet here. Not sure why I can’t log into my old account so I have to make a new one everytime. :/ (wrote down my info for my account for once).
I’m in a really, really, really bad state right now. I have convinced myself I have BC and after reading a symptom online and thinking about what I have, I already convinced myself I have it. There’s no other explanation.
I can’t even grow the balls to go to the doctor, like there’s noway. I hate how much of a coward I am. Because I have a beautiful family but that doesn’t give me the strength to go.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I guess just venting, and I can’t wait to leave work so I can cry. God please help me. Sometimes I feel like it’s easier to just not be here anymore than have to deal with HA…

I very much doubt if anyone on here has not thought they would be better out of the way if anxiety is severe. Anxiety crushes your spirit and makes your self worth almost non existent. But over the years in counselling I have seen so many recover, yes even the worst cases. It takes time and effort, but hope never goes because there is still YOU in the background waiting to come back. I do agree with Missy, counselling with the right person can be a great help. In the initial stages mild medication can also help a lot, and combined with counselling can work wonders. Your mind may well be in the stage of saying 'what's the use'? But life is worth living when we are well.
You may not believe this but your body is reacting perfectly normally IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ARE IN!. Fear is a normal reaction, but in anxiety greatly exaggerated. Anyone will feel anxious if confronted with a situation they feel they can't cope with. But not fearful, (full of fear).
Googling ís a very big NO, NO in anxiety. You are not a doctor so symptoms can mean nothing to you. Does your doctor look up Google when you visit? Scaremongering with the aim of providing you with medication or some therapy at a cost is what it's all about. Fear is one of the main selling points in advertising of any sort. Even the fear of not having your whites as good as next door!!!
Take heart. Recover is always possible but you need work at it, with help if necessary. Give up the fight and the struggle and accept it all. That is NOT giving in, that's different.

Missy · May 31, 2022

Jonathan123 said:
I very much doubt if anyone on here has not thought they would be better out of the way if anxiety is severe. Anxiety crushes your spirit and makes your self worth almost non existent. But over the years in counselling I have seen so many recover, yes even the worst cases. It takes time and effort, but hope never goes because there is still YOU in the background waiting to come back. I do agree with Missy, counselling with the right person can be a great help. In the initial stages mild medication can also help a lot, and combined with counselling can work wonders. Your mind may well be in the stage of saying 'what's the use'? But life is worth living when we are well.
You may not believe this but your body is reacting perfectly normally IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ARE IN!. Fear is a normal reaction, but in anxiety greatly exaggerated. Anyone will feel anxious if confronted with a situation they feel they can't cope with. But not fearful, (full of fear).
Googling ís a very big NO, NO in anxiety. You are not a doctor so symptoms can mean nothing to you. Does your doctor look up Google when you visit? Scaremongering with the aim of providing you with medication or some therapy at a cost is what it's all about. Fear is one of the main selling points in advertising of any sort. Even the fear of not having your whites as good as next door!!!
Take heart. Recover is always possible but you need work at it, with help if necessary. Give up the fight and the struggle and accept it all. That is NOT giving in, that's different.

Absolutely!

bigjetplane23 said:
Thank you. I just don’t know if counseling would help…. Sometimes I think not being here anymore would help more.

Believe me, it will and does get better. It is just where you are at the moment. Ride it out! You will feel better after you see a doctor, get a friend to go with you for support. I promise you therapy will help but it is hard work!

E.B · May 31, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
Hi guys. Bigjet here. Not sure why I can’t log into my old account so I have to make a new one everytime. :/ (wrote down my info for my account for once).
I’m in a really, really, really bad state right now. I have convinced myself I have BC and after reading a symptom online and thinking about what I have, I already convinced myself I have it. There’s no other explanation.
I can’t even grow the balls to go to the doctor, like there’s noway. I hate how much of a coward I am. Because I have a beautiful family but that doesn’t give me the strength to go.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I guess just venting, and I can’t wait to leave work so I can cry. God please help me. Sometimes I feel like it’s easier to just not be here anymore than have to deal with HA…

I am identical as I don't go the docs. Besides a very serious accident that landed me in the hospital in 07 I have not had a physical of any sort since probably 97,98 in highschool. I am 41 now. With Me it has become very out of sight , out of mind. I sympathize with you.

I do know they offer a lot of online/by phone type appts now, you could always call and talk nothing regarding your physical worries but just explain how your anxiety is, maybe a consultation, and get a feel of doc, if you aren't satisfied move on to the next doc, If you are let the conversation go and who knows it may be a good experience.

You are preaching to the choir however I do know that their are options for us.

Corey05 · Jun 1, 2022

I can definitely relate to all of this. Today has been a very severe HA day for me as well. My 4 year old daughter literally out of nowhere, had this severe leg pain where she cried hard everytime she moved it and couldn't apply any pressure on it. I literally assumed the worst and thought leukemia or bone cancer. I literally get images in my head that I'm going to lose her, and have been crying on and off all day about it. Googling the crap out of both diseases, which as always did not help.

Long story short here, I worked through my fears and brought her to the ER today. Did I have a panic attack, you bet I did! Big time! But the one positive I took from the experience, is that I faced my deepest fears because I love that girl more than anything and would do anything for her. I was able to put my crap aside to be there and comfort her.

Good news is too, all tests came back fine and they think that a virus she had caused some inflammation in her knee.

The part i need to work on is believing the doctors and the tests, that is the part i struggle with.

What I'm getting at here, is do what I did, but do it for yourself because your right, living like this sucks. I too would rather be dead, but at the same time, I don't want that either. I want to live my life with my beautiful family. I use that as my motivation to work through this ****, no matter how painful...

Jonathan123 · Jun 1, 2022

Corey05 said:
I can definitely relate to all of this. Today has been a very severe HA day for me as well. My 4 year old daughter literally out of nowhere, had this severe leg pain where she cried hard everytime she moved it and couldn't apply any pressure on it. I literally assumed the worst and thought leukemia or bone cancer. I literally get images in my head that I'm going to lose her, and have been crying on and off all day about it. Googling the crap out of both diseases, which as always did not help.

Long story short here, I worked through my fears and brought her to the ER today. Did I have a panic attack, you bet I did! Big time! But the one positive I took from the experience, is that I faced my deepest fears because I love that girl more than anything and would do anything for her. I was able to put my crap aside to be there and comfort her.

Good news is too, all tests came back fine and they think that a virus she had caused some inflammation in her knee.

The part i need to work on is believing the doctors and the tests, that is the part i struggle with.

What I'm getting at here, is do what I did, but do it for yourself because your right, living like this sucks. I too would rather be dead, but at the same time, I don't want that either. I want to live my life with my beautiful family. I use that as my motivation to work through this ****, no matter how painful...

Your love for your daughter overrode the anxiety A big lesson here! Love can override anything. Real unconditional love. But also love for ourselves. If we can't love ourselves, warts and all, then it is difficult to love anyone. Not the narcissistic kind of love, but the feeling of self worth. In anxiety we tend to become self centred. Now this is normal but undesirable. Love is about giving, and if we do we receive what we give. People on sites such as this do it from love. Oh yes you do although you may not see it that way. The need to help others while in pain ourselves is love. It is also empathy as opposed to sympathy. Empathy is 'entering into the pain of others as if it were your own' (Dictionary).
Never underestimate the power of that love. 'Love one another, as I have loved you love one another'. Love is a much misused word and nearly always has no relation to what we are talking about. 'I love my car', 'I love my job', is not unconditional love but a need.
'I love my wife/husband/partner provided you give me what I need. Look after the kids and do what I ask'. That is not love. To paraphrase St, Paul. 'If I have not love then I am but a sounding brass and a tinkling symbol'. All noise and talk and no do!! Love is silent, but expresses itself in deeds.

Jonathan123 · Jun 2, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
Guys. Anyone ever been convinced you had something because it seemed so sinister but in the end it wasn’t? I’m going crazy….

YUP!!!! Thousands of times and over 30 odd years ago. I don't fall for it now but I did then. In HA we are so open to suggestion a little child could lead us! That's why it's so important to keep away from websites like Google that are negative. We are bombarded on a daily basis with negative health information. They can't tell us someone has died without out going into all the details. We are very much over informed. HA is all about just that, gathering negative information and believing it all. If you are told by the medics that you are physically OK, believe them. It's no use whatsoever second guessing. Five years at medical school, three years internship, and maybe many years of practice gives them the right to be believed.

Missy · Jun 2, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
Well, I have yet to go to the doctors. I’m trying to grow the courage to go but, right now I have convinced it’s bad news because Google says that’s everywhere. So I’m just seeing if anyone else has gone to the doctors convinced that what they have is actually the big bad c word but in the end, it wasn’t.

I have also felt that way! That is why it is called health anxiety. Reliable information comes from your physician. Google is a so generic and rarely has any positive effect on those of us with health anxiety. By taking this step to see your doctor that is a tremendous step forward. You can do this!

blueberries · Jun 2, 2022

Yes, I have been totally convinced many, many times that I've had cancer (my biggest fear). I think just about every part of my body has been self diagnosed with this at one time or another. Once I had a neck MRI that came back with an abnormality and the report said, ". . . . . . does patient have a primary cancer? . . . . . bone scan is recommended to rule out bony metastatic disease . . . . . " That week of waiting for the bone scan and then the final results was pure torture. Turned out to be nothing more than inflammation. I can relate to what you are going through right now because I'm currently going through a major, major scare and I'm totally convinced this time that this one is for real. I usually go to the doctor when I have "issues" but am having a hard time with doing so this time because I'm so sure it's cancer. My yearly physical is in a few weeks and I'm trying to decide how much to tell the doctor. I've been misdiagnosed before so have lost trust there. Do you want to share what your symptom is? Maybe someone can relate.

Jonathan123 · Jun 2, 2022

blueberries said:
Yes, I have been totally convinced many, many times that I've had cancer (my biggest fear). I think just about every part of my body has been self diagnosed with this at one time or another. Once I had a neck MRI that came back with an abnormality and the report said, ". . . . . . does patient have a primary cancer? . . . . . bone scan is recommended to rule out bony metastatic disease . . . . . " That week of waiting for the bone scan and then the final results was pure torture. Turned out to be nothing more than inflammation. I can relate to what you are going through right now because I'm currently going through a major, major scare and I'm totally convinced this time that this one is for real. I usually go to the doctor when I have "issues" but am having a hard time with doing so this time because I'm so sure it's cancer. My yearly physical is in a few weeks and I'm trying to decide how much to tell the doctor. I've been misdiagnosed before so have lost trust there. Do you want to share what your symptom is? Maybe someone can relate.

Just as someone can suffer with a phobia such as fear of spiders or any insect or animal, an a HA sufferer can suffer from 'cancerphobia'. This not uncommon in HA and I would suggest one of the major fears. We need recognise that Mr. Anxiety's box of tricks is full of smoke and mirrors. It's all one big illusion. But any illusionist or conjurer will tell you how easy it is to fool people. In HA we are fooled and bluffed into erroneous beliefs. It's why it's so important to get checked out and put our minds at rest, otherwise we just go on worrying which adds to anxiety.

Lanchparty7 · Jun 2, 2022

bigjetplane23 said:
I know I have HA, but mine seems to be a bit different as I stay away from the doctors and most people run to them.

Same here. I have cancelled and rescheduled my yearly physical so many times that I am now at the point if I don’t go soon, they will deactivate me a current patient and stop refilling my meds. I can’t/won’t go for a number of reasons so I am not sure what I am going to do. I honestly do not think I can handle going to that office right now.

Jonathan123 · Jun 3, 2022

Just about sums it all up. Thank you.

I’m in a paranoia state over my HA and I can’t take this anymore..

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