How to deal with loneliness?

[rootle]

Right now I more or less have been away from close friends for a long time, I am gradually losing ties with them. I don't want to keep bothering people on Facebook and talking to them because I know I'm probably pretty boring to talk to. I have no hope of any sort of girlfriend or dating relationship in the near future either. I guess other people have been in similar situations. How did you deal with it?

 

[CrepesforDapes]

First of all, that's a really bad way to think about your situation. Seeing as you have a lot of doubt in yourself about whether or not you're boring, maybe you could try talking to some people online anonymously. Believe it or not, Omegle is a good place to chat to people about your interests. Don't say that you're boring or anything, just talk as if they're your friends. I've met some cool people doing that, just make sure you use your interests and not just the general chat.


Second, you could try weightlifting if you're not confident with how you look. Not only will you feel much better about yourself and your body, you'll probably get a fair amount of confidence from it. Weightlifting has probably been the thing that's helped the most with my self confidence.


If you're really not looking to get away from being lonely, which I don't recommend, you could just invest some time in video games, TV shows, or books. There are hundreds of amazing TV shows out there that you could spend your time watching. When I was really lonely, TV shows filled the void for me until I could get out of that hole. Basically, do anything that takes up a good amount of time, and that allows you to basically zone out for a few hours.

 

[amy88]

I had a period of time where I had moved to a new town and just gotten out of a bad relationship - I knew nobody and was lonely for a big old chunk of time.


A few things I would recommend:


- join a gym or sports group if you're into that (it's a good way to meet like minded people)


- same goes for joining clubs or things with similar interests!


- volunteer! this was a HUGE thing for me. I did several hours a week with a local soup kitchen for the homeless. I felt worthy, like I was helping others, and that I was needed.

 

[Corzhens]

When my husband went abroad, we were living in a cheap condominium. I was left alone with no one to confide to because during that time, our relationship was not in the open yet - my parents disapproved of my plan to live with my boyfriend. You can imagine the loneliness that I had undergone with that situation, being alone and missing my boyfriend. But I had a job and I got to work so I get busy with my job during the daytime and at night before bedtime, I would be writing a long letter to my husband. Our exchanges of letters are as often as twice a week and sometimes 3 times a week. That letter writing at least soothed my loneliness and saved me from severe anxiety. Take note that there was no internet yet during that time and we were using the postal mail for our correspondence.

 

[John Snort]

rootle your negative self perception is what's holding you back from getting the happiness you deserve. Let your enemies say negative things about you and prove them wrong consistently because our enemies and critics help us become better even though that never is their intention. One thing I know about people is that most of them actually are lonely even if it appears like they have many friends. So talking to people isn't bothering them. They want that. They want (if it were possible) to have everyone talk to them. Do it. As for dating, you can easily find someone you can love online. It can take a while to find the right person but if you don't give up I'm sure you'll find that soul mate you seek. And as it has been suggested, to make friends in your city; join clubs, volunteer or go to church. This way you'll get to meet new people who'll be more than eager to be your friends.

 

[thecorinthian]

Being alone is appreciated at times but don;t you feel the need for human interaction once in a while? Adopt a dog if you want to share that love you're keeping inside but still have anxiety over meeting people, animals need company too. Gradually try talking to people you were once close to like your old high school best friend-- the friendship might still be there.

 

[kelden]

Self loathing will only contribute to isolate yourself even more. The other "normal" People are not some flawless alien in an outrageous position to judge the worth of another person. You only think you would bore them, but you should know already what are the kind of interest these people have that I guess you already share. Give it a try.

 

[joshposh]

It gets to me sometimes as well. But I'm the loner type and people usually over stay there welcome pretty quick with me. It a good nights out, but after that I'm back to the computer and online projects as that seems the only way I can relieve stress.


Maybe it's the age difference. When I was young I needed that emotional connection. But now in my older years, I don't need the attention as much. I find peace when I'm alone.

 

[Sue]

You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself and to think so little of you. I am sure that you have a lot of great qualities and there are people out there who would like to get to know you. You are selling yourself short. You need to work on your confidence so that you can present yourself in a more positive way. Once you begin to like yourself then others will like you too. It is not a easy thing to do for some people but you have to learn to like yourself. I think talking to people online is a great way to start. You can open up to people more easily because you are not talking to them face to face. I am sure people don't get annoyed with you or think that you are bothering them. You just feel that way. I wish you all the best!

 

[fuzyon]

Well, I'm an introverted person so loneliness doesn't affect me that much, but whenever I felt unsettled I started going outside a little more with the chance of meeting new people. It didn't work out that well but it didn't hurt to try, I feel like I actually grew as a person. Think of the things that you're interested in and find people to talk to about them, I'm sure you won't sound boring if you're knowledgeable in that topic.

 

[rootle]

Well thanks a lot for the suggestions and encouragement guys. I want to clear a few general things up first though. I may have communicated myself as really low on self-confidence and a complete loner but neither of those are quite true. When I say I'm boring to talk to, I guess I mean I'm not exactly super interesting most of the time. And I don't want to keep constantly starting conversations with people online unless I have something to say. I know for a fact that there are people who enjoy my company very much.


The second point I wanted to make was that I do spend time with other people, I'm not just hanging out with myself all the time. My problem is that I can't seem to connect with the people I hang out with, nor can I make conversation. This leads to them thinking I'm fairly boring and my loneliness comes from the fact that I have no one close to me where I am.


My inability to get a in a dating relationship comes from the fact that my social situation is in the shape it is. I'm not all that unattractive and I could definitely make a relationship work out under the right circumstances.


Basically the point is that I more or less know that my loneliness is temporary, just want to know how to cope with it till it passes.

 

[Panic57]

I personally don't keep up with people on Facebook, they're all to caught up in their own thing and posing for the world to ever really be interested in me. I also don't like that people can make my private conversations public if they take screen shots. I just don't have that kind of trust with people I've never met. None of my 'friends' bothered to keep up with me after graduation, the second we graduated it all ended even though we had been friends for three years. I felt really lonely about that before I realized that filling my life with a lot of people who won't be there for me when the chips fall aren't worth my time. Now I'm more selective then I don't have to feel lonely about cheap people.

 

[MahiFury]

I have been basically single for the last 8 years or so, I do have 2 kids at home, though my daughter just turned 18 and isn't home much. In general, I try to look at the positive aspect of being alone, and doing the things I enjoy that would otherwise be interrupted by another. I also have what I call "Entertainment ADHD", so I jump around a lot between reading, podcasts, documentaries, online classes, home repairs and games even. In being quite reclusive myself in personality, I have also found it difficult to maintain friendships and relationships. I don't find I myself to be boring, but that people I am in contact with are so far off in sharing any interests with me that its been difficult to make those connections.

 

[noachleo]

In my case I happen to be a Christian so I find it kind of easy to make up for the loneliness that usually haunts me. However regardless of your belief, I would recommend you to hold on to something, it might be a metaphysical force, a memory or a desire to accomplish something in your life. When you have goals or an ideal you can relate to at a deep level, you are 10 times more likely to get through the tough times, because you feel like you were put on this Earth for something bigger than your imagination or inner desires.

 

[hades_leae]

Well I would consider taking all this free time that you have to yourself and start taking interest in new hobbies that you may have not known about in the past. You can look up all types of things to do on the internet. You don't have to accept negative emotions because you're alone.


People naturally grow apart, friends that you had in the past will find new ones and you shouldn't fight to keep those friends ships if the future is drawing all of you apart. Find some new interest, and I'm sure you will definitely make new friends.

 

[Alex]

How do you deal with it? That's part of life's lessons because while company (good) can be nice, bad company makes you grateful to have time alone. I appreciated time alone when I was stuck with a bunch of people that were not great or nice company and I learned to deal with it.


Think of it as time to do what you want without having to compromise. I too am far from my friends and the bonds are loosening and I don't want to seem desperate to keep up, but you whittle out the good ones who do make an effort. Right now it is time to be a little selfish, indulge in stuff that you have always wanted to do. Sometimes loneliness is a state of mind too, I have a friend who was married but felt lonely all of the time, and she struggled with our friendship because she didn't think I wanted to be her friend. I told her I did, and it was up to her as I could only keep suggesting coffee so many times. We did become friends, but it took a year nearly and she still had bouts when she wanted to have her loneliness.