How to be hopeful and not sad when I feel I’ll never be loved or have a relationship

MATD · Jan 10, 2022

What steps have you taken to make this a reality?

Sweet T · Jan 10, 2022

You are still so young. How do you go about trying to meet new people? Maybe the object should be to keep busy with things you love like traveling, trivia nights, art exhibits etc then you’ll just naturally meet new people.

Your life is not over if you don’t have a romantic partner

I’m sorry you are suffering but please know that they are things you can do to help yourself. You deserve love and a happy life.

Cuchculan · Jan 10, 2022

This is were you have to ask yourself is there anything you can do to change this situation? I know you can't just walk up to some random stranger and say ' want to be my boyfriend '. It is more a case of finding somewhere to start. A place were you might meet people. Like minded people. Last thing we want is to be in a relationship with a person who hates everything we do and we hate everything they do. I would check out my home area. See if there are any groups in the area. Groups as in hobby groups. So I could maybe join something that I like to do. That we you know all others in that group are into the same things you are into. So you will all have something in common. Which is a great starting point.

If you want to gain experience but you try things out in the real world, there is always the internet. Here I would say to play it safe. Again look for groups you have an interest in. just see do they do voice / video chat. Connected to the group. That way you learn how to talk to people. All of whom you won't know to begin with. It will be for gaining experience. Then you can bring that into the real world.

I have a brother who never dated anybody till he was in his 30's. It is just how it goes for some people. They tend to hold back. Others put themselves out there a bit more.

Sweet T · Jan 10, 2022

I think you are getting ahead of yourself. Maybe try small steps. Going to a therapist is a good start.

Cuchculan · Jan 10, 2022

Fixing the social anxiety would be a good start. That was not part of the original post. Be good if you could sort that out. I used to be that way. I would stutter badly if I had to talk to strangers. I am talking very badly. I simply slowed down everything I was doing. Told myself there was no rush when talking. That was my problem. I wanted to say what I had to say as quickly as I could and be out of there. I was even like that on the telephone. Just trying to do things too quickly. Slowed everything right down. Even if that made people wait. I was no longer going to rush my words. I was amazed at how good it worked. No more stuttering. Once that stopped, other things stopped too. Found myself been able to have conversations with strangers. You simply get more confident. That helps in a big way.

Aries · Jan 31, 2022

I don't trust people enough to even try for a relationship anymore. I have kitty.

Jonathan123 · Feb 8, 2022

No it's not Rana! You have just written off half the worlds population. There are as many good guys as there are good women, and just as many bad ones of both sexes. This has to be kept in proportion. In relationships you have to sort the sheep from the goats. Your female instincts should give you all the help you need in that direction. There is no such thing as perfection in any human being. We all have our hang ups and our own thought processes, so to look for the 'perfect' guy is impossible. We all need to be accepted for what we are, warts and all. But no one is going to come to you. You need to get out and mingle among those of your age group. I know, this can be difficult for a shy person but it's the only way. Dating on the web can be dangerous, and I would not advise that. So many in need of a relationship are gullible and often fall for the wrong person.

Cuchculan · Feb 9, 2022

Like of those places on the net? You always get haters. Keyboard warriors. They don't have to face anybody. Just tap a few keys as they sit in their bedroom. I think if you are a success at anything on the internet, you will get a load of trolls following you. You make good videos on you tube and have a following, you will always get the haters too. That is all part of life on the net. You get these same people in real life, off the net, and they are different. They have no keyboard to hide behind. Which is why meeting anybody online is risky. Best doing things the good old fashioned way. Off and well away from the net. So you can be looking at each other as you talk. I don't disagree that some people on those sites and looking for women who don't really exist. This height. This weight. This colour hair. Those people will be left waiting. But you can also have females writing up similar things. Certain type of men they are looking for too. Me? Just give me a person that has a good sense of humour. Likes a good laugh. And to hell with the rest. Which is probably why I am still single.

Sweet T · Feb 10, 2022

Rana said:
I feel it definitely is worse than ever for dating. Both sides have such hatred of each other. I don’t hate guys I still have faith there’s some good guys but I know they are rare. People just don’t seem to want real relationships at least not most that I’ve seen

It must be hard. Good luck.

Jonathan123 · Feb 10, 2022

Rana said:
I feel it definitely is worse than ever for dating. Both sides have such hatred of each other. I don’t hate guys I still have faith there’s some good guys but I know they are rare. People just don’t seem to want real relationships at least not most that I’ve seen

Please Rana, no, it is not true. You are throwing the baby out with the bathwater! Yes, there is hatred in the world, but we live in the pairs of opposites. Where there is light there will be dark. Good, and there will be bad. Seeing everything in such a negative light is not good for your mental health. Most men want good relationships with women as well as the opposite. We need each other in all things. You have to trust someone. The mail man who brings you letters, the bin man who collects your garbage, yes and the doctor that tells you that you are fine. Lack of trust means you are suspicious of everyone. That is no way to live.

Cuchculan · Feb 10, 2022

On the radio here once they asked for people to ring in with disaster Tinder stories. Tinder been a dating site. Hard not to laugh at some of them. The woman who was meeting a bloke for the first time. What he failed to tell her was he only had one arm. it was never mentioned when they spoke on the phone and he could take a picture and hide it well. Then we had the man showing up to meet the girl, only to find out for the first time she was in a wheelchair. Again, something she failed to mention before the date. We also had a few people who met others who had no money with them at all. Thus they expected the other person to pay for everything. Even heard one story of the woman who vanished to the toilet and never came back. Leaving the bloke there with two meals in front of him and having to pay for it all. That is why the whole online dating thing can be bad at times,. People hide things from each other. Not just men. Women too. Let us be honest here, some might not like smokers. Others might not like heavy drinkers. You are trying to find the person who ticks all the boxes for you. Or close enough to it. But you have to start off fresh. Clean slate for everybody to begin with. See how you get on with them. Some will work out. Others might fail badly. That is what we call life. Just have to get on with it. Start again. Another clean slate. Not judging the next person based on the last person.

MATD · Feb 10, 2022

Dating is like buying shoes. There are lots of styles out there, but we can pick what we like and try them on to see if they fit before we buy them.

How to be hopeful and not sad when I feel I’ll never be loved or have a relationship

Rana

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MATD

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Sweet T

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Cuchculan

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Rana

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Aries

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