How do you deal with gatherings?

[Kaynil]

Last Saturday, I went to the birthday party of a guy I didn't know. I went because I was invited by a friend and there was another friend that was going to go and wanted to see me. The gathering was mostly a work gathering from the place they are both employed at.

I felt like a fish out of the water. It is not odd I usually question what am I doing in parties and stuff and I really feel bad to put a dent for my friend when I want to go before he does, as even if I say I can go home on my own accord I know he will end up leaving earlier with me.

I had an okay night. It wasn't terrible but even that friend that really wanted to see me didn't really mingle much with me, and my friend was trying to make the birthday boy enjoy himself so even though I was asked by my friend to move closer I ended up being in a corner not knowing anyone and ultimately using my phone and taking bathroom breaks to make it more bearable. Now, I really don't like using phones at parties because I feel it is kind of rude.

Sorry, I diverted the thread a bit.

Anyway, this got me curious on how do you deal with being thrown into some social gathering you have accepted to go but don't really feel like you connect with others. Do you use your phone? Stay with the one friend you know? What do you do to cope and not look like a jerk in the process?

 

[janemariesayed]

Last Saturday, I went to the birthday party of a guy I didn't know. I went because I was invited by a friend and there was another friend that was going to go and wanted to see me. The gathering was mostly a work gathering from the place they are both employed at.

I felt like a fish out of the water. It is not odd I usually question what am I doing in parties and stuff and I really feel bad to put a dent for my friend when I want to go before he does, as even if I say I can go home on my own accord I know he will end up leaving earlier with me.

I had an okay night. It wasn't terrible but even that friend that really wanted to see me didn't really mingle much with me, and my friend was trying to make the birthday boy enjoy himself so even though I was asked by my friend to move closer I ended up being in a corner not knowing anyone and ultimately using my phone and taking bathroom breaks to make it more bearable. Now, I really don't like using phones at parties because I feel it is kind of rude.

Sorry, I diverted the thread a bit.

Anyway, this got me curious on how do you deal with being thrown into some social gathering you have accepted to go but don't really feel like you connect with others. Do you use your phone? Stay with the one friend you know? What do you do to cope and not look like a jerk in the process?

You don't use your phone Kaynil. That is rude, so don't be known for that. You don't have to talk or make conversation. Just smile. If you feel like saying 'how have you been?' to anyone then do, but otherwise, go with the flow and pace it out. It is only temporary and you feel like you should go.

It might even turn out to be fun for you. So I think you should go, keep your phone in your pocket and hold your head up and smile at people. Don't put yourself in the corner either. Anywhere but out of sight. You will be okay. You can walk around to the food table and the kitchen, also the loo. But also stand upright and smile. Smile like someone has just made you laugh. People will smile back and get talking with you. Relax and enjoy your time.

 

[Twinkie Moon]

Last Saturday, I went to the birthday party of a guy I didn't know. I went because I was invited by a friend and there was another friend that was going to go and wanted to see me. The gathering was mostly a work gathering from the place they are both employed at.

I felt like a fish out of the water. It is not odd I usually question what am I doing in parties and stuff and I really feel bad to put a dent for my friend when I want to go before he does, as even if I say I can go home on my own accord I know he will end up leaving earlier with me.

I had an okay night. It wasn't terrible but even that friend that really wanted to see me didn't really mingle much with me, and my friend was trying to make the birthday boy enjoy himself so even though I was asked by my friend to move closer I ended up being in a corner not knowing anyone and ultimately using my phone and taking bathroom breaks to make it more bearable. Now, I really don't like using phones at parties because I feel it is kind of rude.

Sorry, I diverted the thread a bit.

Anyway, this got me curious on how do you deal with being thrown into some social gathering you have accepted to go but don't really feel like you connect with others. Do you use your phone? Stay with the one friend you know? What do you do to cope and not look like a jerk in the process?

Social/family gatherings are rare for me as even hanging out with my friend is tiring. Maybe 80% of the time I make excuses not to go. My mom hates them as well so that's a bonus.

On those occassions where we do need to be there, I usually just make myself invisible, so the usual smiling and only answer when questioned. Most of the time I get remarks on how quiet I am, but I let it slide.

 

[Allenafaith]

Usually when I’m thrown into that kind of situation, I always tend to stick with the person that I came with. I do get really nervous that people are judging me the whole time, though. I typically just try to make excuses to get out of it as terrible as that sounds.

 

[Claraviolet]

Honestly I can't stand gatherings at all. You have to greet everyone and you have to at least 'act' like you are having a great time. It can be truly exhausting for people who have anxiety.
Usually I do use my phone during those events. I know that it's rude but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to keep on interacting with others. If I keep listening to other people, they would keep on talking as if to keep me entertained and such. I really don't like that at all.
I hate those events and usually come up with some sort of excuses but sometimes, it's just not possible.
During those times, I would fiddle with my phone, to pass the time and somehow get through it. There isn't any advice I can give to others to deal with them but it's better to come up with an excuse to skip the event rather than go through it.
This isn't an ideal solution but that's what I do.

 

[Chorizo_13]

For me, I can compartmentalize the interactions with the various people so the actual conversations that inevitably happen don't overwhelm me... BUT, the din of a party throws me off. I am aware of my surroundings at all times, and when there are several conversations, loud ones, happening around me I have a very hard time concentrating. I get pulled, mentally, all over the place and I find I can't focus on the person in front of me. I feel bad after the 3rd time asking someone to repeat themselves, so I end up just sort of fading off...

When I feel the need to futz with my phone, I excuse myself outside or to the bathroom so I can have a few moments of being antisocial with my phone.

I also tend to end up on the ends of the table when going out, even when I try to sit in the middle. It's so hard to interject yourself into a conversation when you can't even hear half of it.

Honestly, I think finding someone that you can make a connection with and keep a conversation going with is the best course of action. I try to find someone who also looks a little awkward or lonely and ask them something inane or make some slightly sarcastic remark about X, Y, or Z.