Housing situation with partner

[Pandora593]

My bf and I have been living together for almost 3 yrs now. Wr have been staying in an apartment that’s rather expensive ( i think for staying long term) . I really want to look into getting a house... but I’m concerned that maybe i should wait ? Do you think it’s more important to be married or at least engaged before getting a house with someone? I would assume it makes the process go a little easier? Idk... i may be over thinking it but... I’m not sure if it’s worth pursuing a 20-30+ yr committment to someone who technically has no legal commitment to me now? If that makes sense? I just don’t want to get stuck....


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[bin_tenn]

Whether or not you should get engaged or married really depends. If that's something you feel should be done first, sure. But you can buy a house together whether you're married or not. My fiancee and I bought a house together last year, before we were even engaged. Both of our names are on the paperwork, so we both have rights to the property, even if we were to split. If you strongly feel that nothing will happen between you two, I don't see the harm in buying a home, if you're both prepared for it. If you have any doubts, it probably isn't a great idea.

 

[Pandora593]

Whether or not you should get engaged or married really depends. If that's something you feel should be done first, sure. But you can buy a house together whether you're married or not. My fiancee and I bought a house together last year, before we were even engaged. Both of our names are on the paperwork, so we both have rights to the property, even if we were to split. If you strongly feel that nothing will happen between you two, I don't see the harm in buying a home, if you're both prepared for it. If you have any doubts, it probably isn't a great idea.

That’s fair, I know you dont HAVE to take that step to get a house but... i guess the fear of being committed to a home but then never showing you want more? He does tell me all the time that he does want me in his life forever. But again.. he tells me he wants to get a house and all but never looks... so i feel like even though he says he wants those things, I’m the one who’s putting the effort into changing our situation... i guess im worried he wouldn’t want to commit to me for who knows how many yrs after... if he was already comfortable if that makes sense? Like okay you have the job, you have the house, you have your partner with you so why “rush” or bother going further ya know? I’m more traditional in that sense i guess.... or as my grandmother says “ why buy the cow when you get the milk for free”.... in reference to something else haha but same rule applies haha.


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[bin_tenn]

That’s fair, I know you dont HAVE to take that step to get a house but... i guess the fear of being committed to a home but then never showing you want more? He does tell me all the time that he does want me in his life forever. But again.. he tells me he wants to get a house and all but never looks... so i feel like even though he says he wants those things, I’m the one who’s putting the effort into changing our situation... i guess im worried he wouldn’t want to commit to me for who knows how many yrs after... if he was already comfortable if that makes sense? Like okay you have the job, you have the house, you have your partner with you so why “rush” or bother going further ya know? I’m more traditional in that sense i guess.... or as my grandmother says “ why buy the cow when you get the milk for free”.... in reference to something else haha but same rule applies haha.


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Haha, I understand. Your concerns are entirely valid, in my opinion, and it's certainly a difficult decision to make. Buying a home is a huge deal for anyone, regardless of relationship status and the like! Maybe you need to sit down with your partner and have a very serious conversation about these things. Have you already tried that? You both certainly need to be on the same page 100% before making that sort of jump (buying a home).

 

[FinneousRex]

I would definitely not jump into buying a house right now. If you’re questioning your relationship, then I’d sit down and have a talk with him. And maybe even get a therapist if you are having problems to mediate between you two. Exactly the way you are telling this forum how you feel, tell him the exact same words. Or just have him read the forum. But you can’t give him the censored version, tell him exactly how you feel. If he isn’t receptive or acts like he doesn’t care, then maybe you need to think if this is the person you want to spend the rest of YOUR life with. I know you said he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but is he worth spending the rest of your life with?

There’s always a time to buy a house. Don’t rush it. Work on you first.