Hi

[BP10]

Hi everyone I’m new here although I’ve been part of another forum for years.
I’ve been really struggling these last two weeks. Despite having health anxiety for around 13 years I’ve never panicked as much as I have recently.

My main concerns at present are marks on my skin and constantly feeling my breasts for lumps. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself but every morning I’ve been waking up with this feeling of absolute dread - some of the marks I’m concerned about have been there for years so I’m not sure what’s triggered myself into believing they're now something serious?! I keep viewing myself as a ticking time bomb like something bad Is definitely going to happen to me soon - it’s stupid but I feel worried not to worry incase I’m somehow tempting fate. I can’t just ‘go with the flow’ like everyone I know seems to. I’m constantly thinking bad things about the future and I don’t know why.

Every blemish that turns up on my skin that doesn’t disappear within a reasonable amount of time somehow becomes deadly to me.. I’m very pale and I’ve been burnt in the past so that doesn’t help but I never sunbathe etc - I work away a lot and stay at hotels - I see all of my colleagues sunbathing alllll day whereas I stay indoors because I’m terrified of burning!

I can’t find any reason why I’m this bad - I’m lucky that all of my immediate family are still around and in good health - I’ve never lost anyone very close to me and there’s not much history of cancer etc in my family. My parents are very supportive but they don’t understand why I’m like this and neither do I... I don’t think the media helps and I’m trying to cut down on the amount I read/see on tv because it’s always depressing.

I’ve just started CBT - so I’m hoping this will help. I’m not on any medication. Has anyone on here successfully completed cbt ?! Has it helped? I really don’t want to live like this forever because it’s ruining my life to the point where I can’t even think about going on a date with anyone or planning for the future.

Any help/advice would be much appreciated- thank you

 

[Cuchculan]

I shall start at the end. CBT. It is one of those things that will work if you believe in it. Theory of it all makes sense. But some people can't put what they learn into practice in the every day lives. Is all about changing our way of thinking. You mentioned cancer. They would like you to think something different. When you think cancer you react to the thought. Now you have to try and change how you react. We have a thought, we react to that thought, it creates anxiety for us and all our symptoms come on. What if we thought a different way? What if we reacted in a different way? They are all linked together. Change one and the rest will all change too. That is the theory of it all. But a lot of people simply can't change how they think or react. Probably because they have been thinking and reacting that way for so long. Give it some time and it can work. Loads of people swear by it. So you may get different opinions on it.

This cancer thought process has to have began for a reason. One of those were you might have to sit down and have long hard think. It could have been a story on the news. Something you read in the newspaper. Something a friend might have told you. That is how easy it is to get an idea into our heads. Something must have sparked it off. Might not be obvious to you what that something is. Only takes a second for a thought to enter our minds.

I shall end by saying ' welcome to the forum '. I'm Irish. We do things backwards over here. I end at the start and start at the end. Hope you find some help here. We all suffer from one thing or another. So you are with like minded people.

 

[BP10]

Thank you for your quick reply

That’s very helpful. I’m really hoping the CBT works - I’m only on my second week so it’s too soon to say anything yet. I just feel these last two weeks I’ve spiralled in a way I’ve not done for quite some time.

You’re right - I think it’s to do with my past ‘illnesses’ - nothing of which ever turned out to be anything serious but I’ve found lumps before on my body and obviously thought the worst and I’ve also been referred to a dermatologist in the past because the doctor did not know what this black dot was on my skin. Of course everything turned out to be ok but I think these things made me strongly believe that bad things can just happen at any time. Although having spoken to friends they all say that they wouldn’t have gone to the doctors or been worried by the symptoms I’ve had..

I just want to get out of this pit that I’ve found myself in and enjoy life like everyone else around me seems to be doing. I feel guilty for worrying about getting horrible diseases that other people are actually living with and still managing to get on with their lives. I just wish I wasn’t so negative but I’m hoping with cbt and the support of others I’ll soon find a way out

 

[Cuchculan]

Think we are all the same when it comes to thinking we have things that other people really do have. Nothing to feel guilty about there at all. It is a fear. So for us the fear is real. We have to live with it.

Getting better can take a bit of time. All about the effort we put in. We can have good days and then a few bad days. Just always remember that. Setbacks do happen. When they happen, see them for what they are. Just a minor blip. Then push on past it and get moving again.

I always say there is a road back. I like to believe in that. That we can find that road with the work we put in. So never stop believing. Even through hard times. As they say ' each day is a new beginning '.