Squid Jones
Member
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2020
- Messages
- 30
- Reaction score
- 21
I had my first full-blown panic attack when I was 21. I'm about to be 38 in a few days. After that first episode I dealt with debilitating anxiety for years. But the worst part about it was not knowing what it was. After I saw a doctor and it was concluded that I had an anxiety disorder I realized the fear was all in my head and, slowly but surely, I learned how to talk myself down whenever I started to have an attack. After a few years I got to the point where I was okay and the anxiety really wasn't an issue for me anymore.
Then when I was around 32 I started to feel really weird. Again, I didn't know what was happening to me but I figured whatever it was would eventually go away. But it kept getting worse to the point where I was having trouble walking, was feeling very weak, and had lost a dramatic amount of weight. So I finally went into the E.R. After a bunch of CT scans, a couple of MRIs, and a spinal tap I was diagnosed with MS. I have primary-progressive MS rather than relapsing-remitting MS which is the most common kind. What that means is that I don't experience "flare-ups." Instead, my life is just one big flare-up. My MS symptoms are present at all times and they never relent. So yeah, it's really hard. But I had said to myself that, as difficult as this disease is, at least I didn't have anxiety problems anymore and that if I had to choose between the MS and the anxiety I'd choose the MS because I'd rather be unhealthy physically than unhealthy mentally.
Fast-forward to this past November. I was sitting on my couch watching TV, everything was fine, and then BOOM! Out of nowhere a tsunami of anxiety hit me. I ended up in the E.R. after my neighbor called an ambulance and, as I'd expected, nothing was really wrong with me. It was another panic attack. And this one was the worst one I'd ever had. I felt like life was leaving me and I remember thinking I wasn't ready to go yet. Then again, maybe I just feel like it was the worst one I'd had because I hadn't had one in so long and had forgotten how bad they are. Anyway, I've had a couple since then. Last one was 5 days ago. I'm able to talk myself down and get through it and at least I have the advantage of knowing what it is this time but it just pisses me off that this issue is back in my life.
Anyway, I just thought maybe it might be a good idea to join a community like this so I can at least talk with people who can relate on some level.
Then when I was around 32 I started to feel really weird. Again, I didn't know what was happening to me but I figured whatever it was would eventually go away. But it kept getting worse to the point where I was having trouble walking, was feeling very weak, and had lost a dramatic amount of weight. So I finally went into the E.R. After a bunch of CT scans, a couple of MRIs, and a spinal tap I was diagnosed with MS. I have primary-progressive MS rather than relapsing-remitting MS which is the most common kind. What that means is that I don't experience "flare-ups." Instead, my life is just one big flare-up. My MS symptoms are present at all times and they never relent. So yeah, it's really hard. But I had said to myself that, as difficult as this disease is, at least I didn't have anxiety problems anymore and that if I had to choose between the MS and the anxiety I'd choose the MS because I'd rather be unhealthy physically than unhealthy mentally.
Fast-forward to this past November. I was sitting on my couch watching TV, everything was fine, and then BOOM! Out of nowhere a tsunami of anxiety hit me. I ended up in the E.R. after my neighbor called an ambulance and, as I'd expected, nothing was really wrong with me. It was another panic attack. And this one was the worst one I'd ever had. I felt like life was leaving me and I remember thinking I wasn't ready to go yet. Then again, maybe I just feel like it was the worst one I'd had because I hadn't had one in so long and had forgotten how bad they are. Anyway, I've had a couple since then. Last one was 5 days ago. I'm able to talk myself down and get through it and at least I have the advantage of knowing what it is this time but it just pisses me off that this issue is back in my life.
Anyway, I just thought maybe it might be a good idea to join a community like this so I can at least talk with people who can relate on some level.