Hemorrhoid rage

[AlreadyAGhost]

I'm sick of the blood in my stool. My GP would bet his life (or more accurately, my life) that it's just hemorrhoids. Same with the gastroenterologist. I'm sick of having to strain and strain just to get my basic bodily functions to work. I'm sick of constantly having the urge to go and not being able to. I'm sick of worrying about colon cancer every waking moment I have.
It's been eight months.
I've been fearful. I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been resigned to death. I've sliced myself to ribbons.
Now, I'm just tired. I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of this constant fear. It clings around me like some intangible fog. I can't escape. Even on good days, when I have no reason to believe I have cancer, I just have the feeling I'm going to die. My brain has become so accustomed to this mode of thought I can't imagine myself without a feeling of impending death. And I'm so tired of it. Someone free me from this. Someone let me live again.
But nobody is coming to save me. The only one who can save me is me. And it's becoming increasingly obvious that I'm incapable of doing so.

 

[Cuchculan]

Doctors are right when they say that can cause blood. The whole forcing things to happen. I once said ' If I have to sit here for an hour, I will do so ' when in the bathroom. In other words I was not going to force anything at all. Just let it happen in its own time. Maybe take a little something to help make things move. I do remember once, gross as this sounds, I had one that was too big to come out. All I could do was just sit there. My Lord did it hurt. I happened to say it to my Mother. she told me the same thing has happened to her a few times. Not that we can't go. Just what is coming out is too big to actually come out. If we forced that we would end up like yourself. Was just a case of sitting it out and waiting for things to happen. Come the end of the day, even if it takes hours, it always does happen.

 

[AlreadyAGhost]

Thanks for the reply. I know I have all the odds against me. I'm only 21, I have no first-generation family history, no weight loss, not even a polyp came up on my sigmoidoscopy, the bleeding is all bright red (i.e. it's low in the GI tract). The doctors are all right in their judgements. But my brain just won't work that way. It's fixated on this infinitesimal chance of the worst. I probably have a better chance of dying in a crash on the bus I take to work everyday. The rational part of me understands this. But it's not in control.

 

[Joannedbo]

I suffer also and have done since i was 21. Mine bleed and as soon as i see the blood the alarm in my head is off again "i have cancer" i do take fybogel to help its a stool softener and defo helps things move along less straining.

 

[kat124]

I have been where you are - even had a colonoscopy which showed nothing but hemorrhoids. I just remind myself of that if I see blood. I know it’s hard, but believe what your doctor is telling you.

 

[AlreadyAGhost]

Thanks both of you. I'll do my best.

 

[matisworried]

just try and remember that red blood is rarely something to worry about. docs usually don't get concerned unless your stool is tarry and black. sounds like you could possibly have constipation ibs? if i'm reading your post correctly? constipation and hard stools will definitely cause both hemorrhoids AND bloody stools. have you tried adding a fiber supplement? and are you drinking enough water? the water thing is HUGE when it comes to properly functioning bowels!

 

[AnxiousBean]

I'm sick of the blood in my stool. My GP would bet his life (or more accurately, my life) that it's just hemorrhoids. Same with the gastroenterologist. I'm sick of having to strain and strain just to get my basic bodily functions to work. I'm sick of constantly having the urge to go and not being able to. I'm sick of worrying about colon cancer every waking moment I have.
It's been eight months.
I've been fearful. I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been resigned to death. I've sliced myself to ribbons.
Now, I'm just tired. I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of this constant fear. It clings around me like some intangible fog. I can't escape. Even on good days, when I have no reason to believe I have cancer, I just have the feeling I'm going to die. My brain has become so accustomed to this mode of thought I can't imagine myself without a feeling of impending death. And I'm so tired of it. Someone free me from this. Someone let me live again.
But nobody is coming to save me. The only one who can save me is me. And it's becoming increasingly obvious that I'm incapable of doing so.

Hi AlreadyAGhost, matisworried took the words right out of my mouth. My gastroenterologist told me he suspects I have anxiety driven IBS. I think he is right because whenever I travel, I get really anxious. The morning of travel, I use the bathroom A LOT. Three times within an hour, so it's the opposite of the spectrum you're facing. I always feel the need to shower afterwards because I never feel clean enough after using toilet paper/wipes. That presents its own problems, but my anxiety is getting out of hand and the way you described your feelings about this is on par with how I feel about it. You're not alone! Take matisworried's advice (if you haven't already) and try miralax and drink a lot of water. Take half of a dose at night on a weekend to see how it affects you (when and how urgent you need to go). My gastro and my mom swear by that stuff. I wish you the best of luck and hang in there. Everything will be okay.

 

[Scaredy-cat]

There is a test in medicine to detect blood in the stool that isnt visiable to the human eye. its called haemoccult. You may know it already, and as I read your blood is visible, but maybe it could be a bit calming: i study medicine and in one seminar about gut-diseases our professors literally told us: "that dog's always positive". Some time later i worked at a hospital and though test is often performed the doctors also told me that its pretty common for healthy people to have a positive test result. I know blood is often something that alarms us, its no secret that young students sometimes faint during surgeries at the sight of blood, but in my mind i often compare it to a cut on my leg from shaving- it hurts a little bit and I bleed obsiously but even though I have anxiety about a lot of things somehow I am okay with that kind of bleeding and accept it as something non dangerous though its still officially an injury. I hope this helps you calm a bit. You will get well soon!