Hello

[suzzeeb]

So I've been posting for several weeks now about how I have been having much worse anxiety for the last several months. I have had a few appointments with a very experienced psychologist, after which I almost feel my anxiety has gotten even worse for some reason. He had me take a test, answering over 500 questions so he could really see what was going on. He thinks I have an anxiety-driven depression, which I guess I can agree with. I asked him about taking an antidepressant and I got the feeling he wasn't a fan. He didn't say that in so many words, but he said doctors want to give medications because it's all they have to offer. He said medications are like putting air in a tire with a hole in it, that they don't fix the underlying problem. I mean I've never wanted to take medication but I've been through this severe anxiety/depression 15 years ago and it lasted about 2 years, and I don't necessarily want to go through this that long again. Even with the Klonopin I'm taking I'm not sleeping well,which is what really makes this unbearable, so I'm so confused and miserable this morning after being groggy from Klonopin and only a few hours of sleep. He told me to stop my negative thoughts and not get mad about not sleeping so I don't keep adding adrenaline to my system, but that doesn't seem to be helping at all. I'm sure it takes a long time to make that a normal way of thinking, but I'm so exhausted and I don't seem to be able to be super positive when I feel physically ill constantly!

Oh my gosh,sorry this is so long. I am so discouraged this morning I just had to vent!

 

[Cuchculan]

Probably came away feeling worse because he dragged up so much old stuff that you were maybe hiding away. Just to have to talk about it all. Can help some. Can drain others. Things you are trying to forget about. But try see it as a first step. I never think we gain much from a first visit. They want to know every detail about us. But I would go back. See exactly where he is taken this. You are right in saying it is hard to change things so quickly. We have lived a certain way for years. That won't change over night. We have to learn how to be able to make those changes. Tell him you need to learn. That you can't just do it.

As for medication? Some are against it all big time. He is all about working with the mind. Using the mind to fix problems. Again it might work for some. Others would find it harder to begin with. But praise yourself. You took that first step. Can be the hardest. Now we try and see where he is trying to take us. I am sure by visit 3 you will know.

 

[suzzeeb]

That was actually the third visit lol. But the first couple we just went over the test scores which took a while but didn't actually get into much until this visit. I think you are right about trying to forget things in the past. I always push stuff in the back of my mind so I don't have to deal with it. I never really thought that stuff bugged me that much though. Like I knew my childhood was a little chaotic and not very nurturing, but I just think so are many other people's so it shouldn't have had such an impact on me and sometimes I don't think it does, but he thinks so. Also spending so many years with a very intense/angry husband. He said I have spent my whole life in anxiety-producing situations and he is surprised I'm doing as good as I am. When he said that I was kind of scared, like oh my gosh my things are worse than I thought! I just found ways to cope I think. On the other hand, part of me wonders if that's even true or if it's all just genetic and has nothing to do with any of that.

Oh well, I guess I will keep going and I'll find out if it helps at all.

 

[Cuchculan]

Used to hate early visits to new therapists because it would mean going over everything again. I took to offering some diaries I had kept to save me time. In other words ' just get on with the real work. Read the diaries in your own time '. But we always find ways to cope. Case of are those ways good or bad? Just locking stuff away is not exactly good. It is still always there and may come back to bite us some day in the future. More just see what his methods are all about. How he approaches things. You should know if it will work for you or not. A lot tend to follow text book stuff. Nice way of saying you could just as easily buy the same text book they are working from. They can be like robots. just saying what they learned over the years. Had one who was different once. Making me have panic attacks on purpose to show me how to calm back down again. I liked him. It was a different approach. Make me breathe in very quickly loads of times. Thus making me feel dizzy. But he would do it too. Then it was all about how to relax again and get the breathing under control. It was odd but good. Point is you want to learn new things. No point in paying to learn nothing. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[suzzeeb]

Thank you! He is a Christian counselor so he comes from a biblical approach, like where the Bible says how a man thinks, so is he, so he is really trying to get me to change what I tell myself. He said if I continue letting myself think fearful thoughts that adrenaline will continue to keep me even more anxious. It seems so easy but I find it almost impossible once my mind starts going to slow it down and tell myself things I don't really feel. I guess I have a lifetime of negative thoughts and it will take a long time to change that. I wonder if that's even possible. Oh well, I have to do something different I guess. It's going to be challenging at this point since I am in such a bad way right now. Not just anxiety, but I think full on depression. It's hard to think positive when I'm barely sleeping and feel sick most of the day. Oh well, I can only do what I can do.

 

[Pandanae]

So I've been posting for several weeks now about how I have been having much worse anxiety for the last several months. I have had a few appointments with a very experienced psychologist, after which I almost feel my anxiety has gotten even worse for some reason. He had me take a test, answering over 500 questions so he could really see what was going on. He thinks I have an anxiety-driven depression, which I guess I can agree with. I asked him about taking an antidepressant and I got the feeling he wasn't a fan. He didn't say that in so many words, but he said doctors want to give medications because it's all they have to offer. He said medications are like putting air in a tire with a hole in it, that they don't fix the underlying problem. I mean I've never wanted to take medication but I've been through this severe anxiety/depression 15 years ago and it lasted about 2 years, and I don't necessarily want to go through this that long again. Even with the Klonopin I'm taking I'm not sleeping well,which is what really makes this unbearable, so I'm so confused and miserable this morning after being groggy from Klonopin and only a few hours of sleep. He told me to stop my negative thoughts and not get mad about not sleeping so I don't keep adding adrenaline to my system, but that doesn't seem to be helping at all. I'm sure it takes a long time to make that a normal way of thinking, but I'm so exhausted and I don't seem to be able to be super positive when I feel physically ill constantly!

Oh my gosh,sorry this is so long. I am so discouraged this morning I just had to vent!

Can we switch psycologests lol The one I had wanted to do nothing but put me on medication. I don't like being on meds, so I take the lowest dose possible. I'd rather try to find others ways of dealing with my anxieties. Nothing wrong with wanting medication If you feel it makes you feel better though...however, be thankful though that your Dr is willing to work with you in ways most don't. He wants to try to find the root cause of things rather then give you a pill to just deal with it. That's a good DR. He's willing to work with you. As far as sleep goes...I struggle with the same thing...best thing I found is to think positive thoughts and feelings about sleep during the day. Envision a peaceful night and really tap into over coming the thing that's preventing you from sleeping. Then at night while in bed envision the same feelings of being calm...Sometimes it will help you to sleep. I sleep more often now...though sometimes still really bad nights. It gets easier.

 

[suzzeeb]

Thanks for the suggestions! I will try that. I do think fearfully about sleep and really get worked up about it. He is trying to work with me on that too. I really hope I get something out of the counseling. Keep trying different doctors - I'm sure there are a lot of good ones out there.

 

[Cuchculan]

So we talking ' God is going to heal you '. That why medication is out of the question? I am a Catholic. I know it can differ slightly. We simply pray. In America you have some who go a bit over the top. Satan's work and all of that. As much as I believe in my own faith. I also think other helped is needed. You can explain the whole Christian belief thing to me. Have an Aunt in Canada into all of that. We have had long talks. Different views on different things. Faith is faith come the end of the day. I would rather believe than not believe.

 

[suzzeeb]

No it's not that God is going to heal me (or anyone). I mean I believe he could and does in some people, but I think it is usually a process and that a lot of people never get healed. He just uses biblical principals and scripture as a guide I think. I think most Christians believe medication is something God gave us and have no problem using it. I think he just wants to figure out what has caused my anxiety issues and work on breaking bad habits of negative or inaccurate thinking. I listen to a Christian radio program and the psychologists take people's phone calls on mental health issues and they always tell people that in a lot of cases they need to be on medications. They say in the Bible Jesus puts mud on a blind man's eyes so he could see again, so it's not just by prayer or having faith but actually using something to cause healing. I think having faith helps get through the tough times but definitely sometimes we need to use other things that God has provided.

 

[Cuchculan]

One thing to know how it all began. But then comes the part of trying to fix your way of thinking. As it is we see danger in places were there is no danger at all. Thus we might get anxious. All about how to fix that. Find out where you see your danger. Why you think there is danger there to begin with. It might all stem from something that happened years ago.

As for your sleep? Best thing to do is never try and force yourself to sleep. That just frustrates us. We get frustrated we will never sleep. Not about thinking about sleep at all. Try thinking about something else. Letting sleep come to you when it is ready to do so. So don't do all the bed time stuff. Treat it like you are just going to your bedroom to watch TV or read a book. No thinking of sleep at all. If you think or sleep it won't happen. Even if you wake a few hours later, just try and remain calm. Remain relaxed and in bed. Easy to get annoyed if we wake early. Case of not letting ourselves get annoyed. Chances are you will fall back to sleep again.

My mother when praying always adds in ' if it is your will '. In other words if it is not His will it won't happen. She sits there reading her bible all evening. Churches are closed here in Ireland. But God is everywhere if you need him. Not just in a church. Case of staying patient and accepting miracles never happen with the click of our fingers. Which I know you know.

Any roads. Good luck going forwards.

 

[suzzeeb]

I agree - thank you.