Hello again guys.

[LostMyWay]

A nirvana fan like I am. That's what i'my talking about.
And it sounds like you have made a pretty good friend. And I am happy for you. I gave the Sims game a shot one time....not my cup of tea.
Your poems could be turned into songs.
You ever think about telling them as such??
Anyways .
The truth is...we are broken. Nothing can be done about that. Because of some that has happened to us in the past....for me anyway...something inside of has died a long time ago.
And i'm glad you aren't fake but, I am. ...I smile as to not let on to other people about my depression. ...I have started to go out more ...even though I suffer from panic attacks in silence. I am nothing going but fake.
I am an imposter. I am playing the part as happy. ....when i'm dying on the inside.
I laugh ...when i'm crying on the inside. And I like to genuinely be alone . At least your real....I 'm an imposter.

Oh nice, a fellow Nirvana fan. I don't seem to meet too many of those.

Yes, she is a very good friend and someone pretty important to me. As for the Sims it definitely isn't for everyone, though I guess the best thing about them is that if you do enjoy the gameplay you can play them in so many ways and make it into pretty much whatever you want.

It's funny you say that. When I write my poems I always try and make sure I can read them back as if they were a song. If they don't flow smoothly I will sit and change things around until they do. Whether it's removing or adding in words, or sometimes completely changing an entire line or two, it has to flow smoothly and I must be able to read them out like songs.

I wish that wasn't the case, but you are right, we are broken. I think for me it's because of my past too, though not from anything that I guess was that bad but things that left what seem to be a permanent scar. For example I found out my grandmother died in 2016 and a part of me seemed to die with her, then this year at the end of March my other one died and it seemed that whatever was left of me went too. For some people that might not seem like much, but I guess I'm just a weak person.

Don't say that, I wouldn't say you're fake. What I consider to be fake is a person that pretends to be something that they aren't just to get attention, to try and appeal to others so they will like them. I know I said that I don't hide my problems, but I also don't show my true feelings either. I hide them in those rare situations where I'm actually around someone in person. So if you are fake then so am I, because I only show my true feelings when I'm sitting alone and there is no one around. I regularly cry so much my eyes burn and I can't even keep them open, yet I fight that when I have to be around people because I don't want them to see how I really feel. Besides, if you do go around showing everyone your true feelings then most aren't going to understand anyway. It's like you said, some people can't see past our pain and be able to understand so they will just try and judge us. I'm only real when it comes to admitting my problems, but when it comes to actually showing it I guess I'm fake too and an imposter trapped inside an empty shell.

 

[Concernedgal]

Oh nice, a fellow Nirvana fan. I don't seem to meet too many of those.

Yes, she is a very good friend and someone pretty important to me. As for the Sims it definitely isn't for everyone, though I guess the best thing about them is that if you do enjoy the gameplay you can play them in so many ways and make it into pretty much whatever you want.

It's funny you say that. When I write my poems I always try and make sure I can read them back as if they were a song. If they don't flow smoothly I will sit and change things around until they do. Whether it's removing or adding in words, or sometimes completely changing an entire line or two, it has to flow smoothly and I must be able to read them out like songs.

I wish that wasn't the case, but you are right, we are broken. I think for me it's because of my past too, though not from anything that I guess was that bad but things that left what seem to be a permanent scar. For example I found out my grandmother died in 2016 and a part of me seemed to die with her, then this year at the end of March my other one died and it seemed that whatever was left of me went too. For some people that might not seem like much, but I guess I'm just a weak person.

Don't say that, I wouldn't say you're fake. What I consider to be fake is a person that pretends to be something that they aren't just to get attention, to try and appeal to others so they will like them. I know I said that I don't hide my problems, but I also don't show my true feelings either. I hide them in those rare situations where I'm actually around someone in person. So if you are fake then so am I, because I only show my true feelings when I'm sitting alone and there is no one around. I regularly cry so much my eyes burn and I can't even keep them open, yet I fight that when I have to be around people because I don't want them to see how I really feel. Besides, if you do go around showing everyone your true feelings then most aren't going to understand anyway. It's like you said, some people can't see past our pain and be able to understand so they will just try and judge us. I'm only real when it comes to admitting my problems, but when it comes to actually showing it I guess I'm fake too and an imposter trapped inside an empty shell.

You described our feelings as an empty shell...that was said beautifully.
I guess we aren't fake....it's just like you said... we have to hide our true selves so that we are not judged. That's sad too I wish that society would get there heads out if the sand and realize that just because an illness doesn't show on the outside....doesn't make it less important.
We have to live with the fact that there is a stigma for mental illness there for we have to (act) like everyone else as to not (let on) that we suffer depression.
I see my therapist tomorrow. ..I may have to talk to her about my issues with hiding my illness. I will let you know my therapist opinion on it.

 

[LostMyWay]

I can't think of a better way to describe it, especially when someone deals with things like this and it seems as if there are no good or positive feelings. I'm not sure about you, but for the longest time now I've felt like anything good inside me has been dead. I search for something there, though I can never find it. So since I can't seem to find any good feelings anymore, and since I feel dead inside I'm simply an empty shell because what should be there and the person that should be there is gone.

So many people in society can't and will never understand. It's almost as if we're all supposed to be so happy, and social, and if we aren't then it's like we're outcasts or something. Some people seem to think we're just sad, but they don't get it at all. Some people just can't accept those like us. Perfect example, when I actually had a job I made 3 of what I thought were really good friends. These were people I had known for about 15 years, but once I opened up to them about my problems it was like they wanted nothing to do with me. So we have to hide things sometimes because unfortunately there are those that won't accept us. It's like we need this public persona that matches everyone else, then keep our broken down personas private.

I would definitely like to know what they say, I'm really interested to know. Maybe their response will be something helpful that we could use to our advantage. So please let me know how it goes, and I really hope it goes well and is good for you too.

 

[Concernedgal]

Todayis the day I go see my therapist. I have olto tell her today that my told me on messager that she has 6 Mo the to a year left. She's dying. How come everything and everyone I love ha' to die. I run away from all my lived ones so I don't have to watch them die anymore. I'm tired of this.

 

[LostMyWay]

I wish there was something I could say to take that sort of feeling away, but it's hard to really feel any comfort when it seems like you lose so many things that you care about or love. I can relate to how must feel, I just lose everything that matters to me and it's the worst feeling. I know it will be tough, but I hope you don't let this pull you down. I guess just try not to think that you will lose them, but again yeah that will be hard. I really hope you can find some way to get your mind off of it for now, I wish I could help you feel better.

 

[Concernedgal]

I wish there was something I could say to take that sort of feeling away, but it's hard to really feel any comfort when it seems like you lose so many things that you care about or love. I can relate to how must feel, I just lose everything that matters to me and it's the worst feeling. I know it will be tough, but I hope you don't let this pull you down. I guess just try not to think that you will lose them, but again yeah that will be hard. I really hope you can find some way to get your mind off of it for now, I wish I could help you feel better.

I'm tired of being tired and i'm tired of losing.
I don't know how much more I can take. This stress has started to make me physically ill.
My legs have felt a little noodly lately like they are going to come out from under me and the sad part is that because of what she's dying of....i'm afraid to go around her. Hepatitis c if your wondering. That stuff is super contagious. And i'my scared of my dying get sister. I feel guilty. But, I can't help it.

 

[Kimberly Hunt]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems like several people on this forum care about what you are going through, does that give you any comfort? Do you have people outside of this forum that you can be with to give you comfort in person?

 

[mayabee]

Depression sucks. My issues with anxiety, ocd, and depression

Depression.
Depression is lonely and often misunderstood. With depression ...I am fake.
I wake up sad and I have to smile as to not alarm anyone .....I have to laugh ...even though I have forgoten what it was like actually think of life as funny.
I try so hard to get through life and try my hardest to know what joy feels like again.
But, happiness and joy is gone from my life. I can't' keep suffering in silence and I have to stop worrying about everyone else.
I NEED HELP!!! I NEED TO BE CARED ABOUT !!! I NEED TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. People in this world look at me like i'm ok..like i'm confident and I have maybe even offered some helpful advice here..but, it is so hard to practice what I preach. This is getting old and I don't know what i'm supposed to do. ..I have given advice before such as.... ( just live or it wins..) well....it' 's kicking my you know what and it is winning.
I am so freaking unhappy. I can't understand why.
I mean...I understand scientifically why...I just don't understand ( why me?) Why any of us.
We were probably born with the inability to utilize our serotonin correctly.
Why is it so hard to just experience an emotion that we all I have a right experience. .... ( happiness ). I need some encouragement guys. Please. I have about had it.

i completely understand the “fake” portion of depression. I feel like everything is a show. I can’t feel anything anymore, it’s all artificial. I also often wonder why it had to be me that inherited this. All my siblings are neurotypic, I guess I was the unlucky one. When I went into therapy for su

I'm tired of being tired and i'm tired of losing.
I don't know how much more I can take. This stress has started to make me physically ill.
My legs have felt a little noodly lately like they are going to come out from under me and the sad part is that because of what she's dying of....i'm afraid to go around her. Hepatitis c if your wondering. That stuff is super contagious. And i'my scared of my dying get sister. I feel guilty. But, I can't help it.

Don’t feel guilty! You can’t help how you’re feeling! As awful as it sounds, you need to put your mental health first. You can show her you care in so many ways! Try gift baskets and cards. Maybe flowers or balloons!
I’ve been where you were with the depression issue. I was on the verge of suicide. I understand the feeling of being completely isolated and feeling like nobody can help you. The first step to recovery (for me) was to realize that nobody could help me recover but myself. It’s an uphill battle still and it sucks but I’m trying my hardest. It’s so unfair that you have to go through this and if you ever want to talk, I’m always around. Nothing can make you want to live, you have to fight for the will to live.

 

[Concernedgal]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems like several people on this forum care about what you are going through, does that give you any comfort? Do you have people outside of this forum that you can be with to give you comfort in person?

Not many people outside this forum can really understand what we go through. We are simply in pain. End of story. And the fact that I can talk to other's that know how I feel ...mean the world.

 

[Concernedgal]

Depression sucks. My issues with anxiety, ocd, and depression

i completely understand the “fake” portion of depression. I feel like everything is a show. I can’t feel anything anymore, it’s all artificial. I also often wonder why it had to be me that inherited this. All my siblings are neurotypic, I guess I was the unlucky one. When I went into therapy for su

Don’t feel guilty! You can’t help how you’re feeling! As awful as it sounds, you need to put your mental health first. You can show her you care in so many ways! Try gift baskets and cards. Maybe flowers or balloons!
I’ve been where you were with the depression issue. I was on the verge of suicide. I understand the feeling of being completely isolated and feeling like nobody can help you. The first step to recovery (for me) was to realize that nobody could help me recover but myself. It’s an uphill battle still and it sucks but I’m trying my hardest. It’s so unfair that you have to go through this and if you ever want to talk, I’m always around. Nothing can make you want to live, you have to fight for the will to live.

Fighting is definitely what I do best. I looked at my razor while showering and I started to think again but, the rational part of my brain kicked back in and I quickly snapped out of it. Have you ever had lexapro? My therapist told me that she insisted that take something. She says talk.therapy is helping but, I need to be on some sort of medication because I have severe depression.

 

[LostMyWay]

I don't like to admit it, but I really wish I could just kill myself and get this crap I call my life over with though there are two things keeping me going. One is the fact that I simply don't have what it takes to commit suicide (I've tried several times to slit my wrist though failed of course), and the other is the very slim hope that things will some day get better. I just hope that you at least have some hope that things will get better, and that you also don't have what it takes to try suicide. You say fighting is what you do best, so then keep at it. It's not fun feeling depressed and sad all the time, believe me I know because the last several years of my life have been just completely miserable, but if you give up like I have then you will just continue to suffer and never truly be free from it. I gave up years ago and now will probably never be free, so don't do the same thing too.

 

[mayabee]

Fighting is definitely what I do best. I looked at my razor while showering and I started to think again but, the rational part of my brain kicked back in and I quickly snapped out of it. Have you ever had lexapro? My therapist told me that she insisted that take something. She says talk.therapy is helping but, I need to be on some sort of medication because I have severe depression.

Yes! I was on lexapro for a while at max dosage. Worked really well for my depression and my suicidal thoughts ceased to a stop. I just switched to Zoloft to treat my ocd and my depression is creeping back in. C’mon, you gave me severe gad, depression, and now OCD? Fate is a cruel mistress.
I was once in your place and I know how you feel. I tried to kill myself once, and had tons of suicidal thoughts and self harm stuff. This post resonated with me on so many levels and I am sad that you have to go through this. I did the exact same thing in the shower. I wouldn’t wish depression on anybody. It’s awful. Try lexapro and see if it helps. You can always talk to me if you need.

 

[mayabee]

I don't like to admit it, but I really wish I could just kill myself and get this crap I call my life over with though there are two things keeping me going. One is the fact that I simply don't have what it takes to commit suicide (I've tried several times to slit my wrist though failed of course), and the other is the very slim hope that things will some day get better. I just hope that you at least have some hope that things will get better, and that you also don't have what it takes to try suicide. You say fighting is what you do best, so then keep at it. It's not fun feeling depressed and sad all the time, believe me I know because the last several years of my life have been just completely miserable, but if you give up like I have then you will just continue to suffer and never truly be free from it. I gave up years ago and now will probably never be free, so don't do the same thing too.

The only thing that kept me from killing myself was the knowledge that it would wreck so many other people’s lives. Your family and friends would be devastated. It would be selfish for me to do that to them. As much as I wanted to die, I couldn’t wreck their lives. Depression will always be with you but my optimistic side would like to hope it fades. You always have a friend to chat to if you need

 

[Concernedgal]

I don't like to admit it, but I really wish I could just kill myself and get this crap I call my life over with though there are two things keeping me going. One is the fact that I simply don't have what it takes to commit suicide (I've tried several times to slit my wrist though failed of course), and the other is the very slim hope that things will some day get better. I just hope that you at least have some hope that things will get better, and that you also don't have what it takes to try suicide. You say fighting is what you do best, so then keep at it. It's not fun feeling depressed and sad all the time, believe me I know because the last several years of my life have been just completely miserable, but if you give up like I have then you will just continue to suffer and never truly be free from it. I gave up years ago and now will probably never be free, so don't do the same thing too.

If I can keep fighting. ..so can you. Don't give up yet. The thing that has kept me from suicide is that you have people that love and care about you that you will hurt and not understand why you would kill yourself. You commit suicide to stop hurting right ?? But, then you pass the psin to someone else. You wouldn't wish this feeling in your worst enemy. ...would you?

 

[Concernedgal]

Yes! I was on lexapro for a while at max dosage. Worked really well for my depression and my suicidal thoughts ceased to a stop. I just switched to Zoloft to treat my ocd and my depression is creeping back in. C’mon, you gave me severe gad, depression, and now OCD? Fate is a cruel mistress.
I was once in your place and I know how you feel. I tried to kill myself once, and had tons of suicidal thoughts and self harm stuff. This post resonated with me on so many levels and I am sad that you have to go through this. I did the exact same thing in the shower. I wouldn’t wish depression on anybody. It’s awful. Try lexapro and see if it helps. You can always talk to me if you need.

Thank you. I think I may try it. You have given me hope again. And I guess i'm not the only 1 that zoloft has messed with. I will surely give this medication a shot... and see what happens.