justinwoodd
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 2
Hello Everybody, this will be my second post. First was my introduction. Looking very forward to getting some feedback and hoping to gain some sense of relief from speaking with everyone about they're feelings. I know its what we all need, to feel like we are not alone. I am 30 years old, i'm happily married and am a father to the greatest little girl in the world. Let's go back though...
Health Anxiety has been something that has plagued me for as long as i can remember. From about 13 years of age i have always worried about my well being. I remember it always being very embarrassing to talk about to others. Even my parents at times. Most of you probably have experienced the blank stares and "Your Crazy" looks. All i was looking for was some reassurance that everything was okay. But anyway, I have had it all, or was convinced i had it all. I'm not exaggerating either. Oral Cancer, brain tumor, lymphoma, testicular cancer, colon cancer, heart disease. Its embarrassing to admit it all and it sounds ridiculous to list all of them (there are more, trust me.) I don't know why but my brain automatically goes to the worst possible outcome with any symptom. WebMD has been my worst enemy for years. I cant stop the urge to keep looking my symptoms up though. Its like an addiction. These are all things that have come and gone also, multiple times i've diagnosed my self all different types of fatal diseases. Its Exhausting. To quote my lovely wife, "Just Calm Down." Words I have heard out of her mouth for many years now. I wish she understood its just not that easy, I try to explain how glorious it would be if my mind would just let me calm down. It just simply wont. It never turns off.
In the past 12 months I have been diagnosed with Heart Palpitations, Sinus Node Tachycardia, GAD, Hypertension and Insomnia. Not to mention everything else that has been going on in the world this last 6 months. My best friend of 15 years who is 31 had a MAJOR stroke this year due to Hypertension. Needless to say, the anxiety is a bit high. By a bit i mean a lot. Because of my heart diagnoses, i'm constantly worried about dropping dead from a heart attack, or my elevated blood pressure and high triglycerides giving me a stroke or clogging my arteries. It is so exhausting to think this way. Not to mention it makes the anxiety worse. It ruins my days, makes me irritable, lashing out and close friends and family when they don't deserve it, worst of all it affects my wife and child. My biggest fear is having something bad happen to me and leaving them in this world alone. They are my life and I wouldn't ever want to do anything to push them away or hurt them. They don't deserve to always see me in a bad mood, or me yelling at them because of my own problems that i cant wrap my head around. If anybody has any sort of advice or input that they could give that would calm me down or at least take the edge off, it would be fantastic. It has been about 3 years now of contemplating whether or not to actually join a forum and feel comfortable enough to talk to people about it. I'm glad I am doing it now.
Thanks everybody!
Health Anxiety has been something that has plagued me for as long as i can remember. From about 13 years of age i have always worried about my well being. I remember it always being very embarrassing to talk about to others. Even my parents at times. Most of you probably have experienced the blank stares and "Your Crazy" looks. All i was looking for was some reassurance that everything was okay. But anyway, I have had it all, or was convinced i had it all. I'm not exaggerating either. Oral Cancer, brain tumor, lymphoma, testicular cancer, colon cancer, heart disease. Its embarrassing to admit it all and it sounds ridiculous to list all of them (there are more, trust me.) I don't know why but my brain automatically goes to the worst possible outcome with any symptom. WebMD has been my worst enemy for years. I cant stop the urge to keep looking my symptoms up though. Its like an addiction. These are all things that have come and gone also, multiple times i've diagnosed my self all different types of fatal diseases. Its Exhausting. To quote my lovely wife, "Just Calm Down." Words I have heard out of her mouth for many years now. I wish she understood its just not that easy, I try to explain how glorious it would be if my mind would just let me calm down. It just simply wont. It never turns off.
In the past 12 months I have been diagnosed with Heart Palpitations, Sinus Node Tachycardia, GAD, Hypertension and Insomnia. Not to mention everything else that has been going on in the world this last 6 months. My best friend of 15 years who is 31 had a MAJOR stroke this year due to Hypertension. Needless to say, the anxiety is a bit high. By a bit i mean a lot. Because of my heart diagnoses, i'm constantly worried about dropping dead from a heart attack, or my elevated blood pressure and high triglycerides giving me a stroke or clogging my arteries. It is so exhausting to think this way. Not to mention it makes the anxiety worse. It ruins my days, makes me irritable, lashing out and close friends and family when they don't deserve it, worst of all it affects my wife and child. My biggest fear is having something bad happen to me and leaving them in this world alone. They are my life and I wouldn't ever want to do anything to push them away or hurt them. They don't deserve to always see me in a bad mood, or me yelling at them because of my own problems that i cant wrap my head around. If anybody has any sort of advice or input that they could give that would calm me down or at least take the edge off, it would be fantastic. It has been about 3 years now of contemplating whether or not to actually join a forum and feel comfortable enough to talk to people about it. I'm glad I am doing it now.
Thanks everybody!