Health Anxiety after stillbirth

[Anxious mumma]

Hi guys, just looking for some advice really as my current cbt books are not cutting it. Suffered a stillbirth couple of months back and it has kicked off my health anxiety big time! Absolutely horrendous experience having to give birth to a baby you know will not survive. It will haunt me forever.
I've always been a worrier in regards to health (diagnosed myself with lots of critical diseases to which the gp just shakes his head) but it's really started to interfere with my life now.
My husband has had enough of listening ticket drone on about my latest symptom or research I've done. I really have to stay off Google.
I've had some bereavement counselling for the loss of my daughter but I think its coming out more as anxiety.
I castrophocise literally everything. Last week I was convinced I had skin cancer, this week its breast cancer just because one of my nipples looks different to the other one.
I swear I create pain in places just by thinking about it.
Dreading the summer holidays and have a 7 year old son who I keep from all this worry and drama but it makes it harder for me to cope knowing I have 6 weeks of entertaining to do.
I really hope someone else has similar feelings.
My friends are fed up of listening and my mother has her own mental health issues to contend with.
Thanks in advance

 

[smitch087]

Hi there. First off, I am so sorry to hear about your stillbirth. That breaks my heart.

I sincerely understand the issue of diagnosing yourself with diseases (primarily cancer since this has always been my fear). I also believe that we can create things with our mind because I have done It on multiple occasions! In my head, I have had so many diseases when in real life, I have never had any. The mind is a crazy thing. I often wish there was an "off" switch for the part of my brain that caused health-related anxiety. I am sure you wish for that too!

My fiancé is also over hearing about my issues. I think It is hard to be an individual that is asked about health-related things every day when they aren't in the medical field! I totally get feeling like you have no one to talked to or even being embarrassed to bring It up again. This forum is great. It is a safe place to talk about your worries/concerns over health without being judged.

Since you just had a terrible experience just a few short months ago, It makes sense that your anxiety would flare up afterwards. I truly feel for you.

 

[TDS74]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it is very traumatizing! Be gentle with yourself right now as you need to grieve. I always suffered with high anxiety and health anxiety. After losing my 19 year old son a few years ago , it has become extreme, uncontrollable actually. What I can tell you is one day at a time. Read, meditate, talk to someone. I truly understand how you feel. I get myself so worked up that I feel every symptom literally of what disease I think I have.

 

[Anxious mumma]

Thank you both for your replies. I know it's such a cliche but knowing that someone else feels like I do is just such a comfort. Grief itself is so isolating and throwing health anxiety in the mix where I feel as though I'm just waiting for the next massive thing to happen is debilitating.
When I think of how much time I've wasted over the years googling my symptoms in case I miss something! Puts me to shame!

 

[TDS74]

Thank you both for your replies. I know it's such a cliche but knowing that someone else feels like I do is just such a comfort. Grief itself is so isolating and throwing health anxiety in the mix where I feel as though I'm just waiting for the next massive thing to happen is debilitating.
When I think of how much time I've wasted over the years googling my symptoms in case I miss something! Puts me to shame!

I am so in the same boat !!!! Grief can be debilitating in itself and I do feel very alone. I always try to just hold myself together for my other children and it has taken. A toll!

 

[Shreddykrugaer]

Hi guys, just looking for some advice really as my current cbt books are not cutting it. Suffered a stillbirth couple of months back and it has kicked off my health anxiety big time! Absolutely horrendous experience having to give birth to a baby you know will not survive. It will haunt me forever.
I've always been a worrier in regards to health (diagnosed myself with lots of critical diseases to which the gp just shakes his head) but it's really started to interfere with my life now.
My husband has had enough of listening ticket drone on about my latest symptom or research I've done. I really have to stay off Google.
I've had some bereavement counselling for the loss of my daughter but I think its coming out more as anxiety.
I castrophocise literally everything. Last week I was convinced I had skin cancer, this week its breast cancer just because one of my nipples looks different to the other one.
I swear I create pain in places just by thinking about it.
Dreading the summer holidays and have a 7 year old son who I keep from all this worry and drama but it makes it harder for me to cope knowing I have 6 weeks of entertaining to do.
I really hope someone else has similar feelings.
My friends are fed up of listening and my mother has her own mental health issues to contend with.
Thanks in advance

Sprry for your loss theres always a huge help here with people to talk to that also learn and study things. I knwo genetically you habe a response to death especially perental and family deaths . my father passed away and i was unsure of how to feel about it him but it kicked off my health anxiety without me knowing anything about it i never felt that way befpre i didn't care i thought but a couple months later i had my first panic attack. Anyways long story short its hard wired to have an effect on humans hence why its a mental disorder to not care about killing being mortally wounded or knowing people who have passed. Its tough thing to deal with and when its close to home it feels dreading. Have you tried any antidepressants or anything? How long has the cbt worked? Have you tried meditations?

 

[Anxious mumma]

Sprry for your loss theres always a huge help here with people to talk to that also learn and study things. I knwo genetically you habe a response to death especially perental and family deaths . my father passed away and i was unsure of how to feel about it him but it kicked off my health anxiety without me knowing anything about it i never felt that way befpre i didn't care i thought but a couple months later i had my first panic attack. Anyways long story short its hard wired to have an effect on humans hence why its a mental disorder to not care about killing being mortally wounded or knowing people who have passed. Its tough thing to deal with and when its close to home it feels dreading. Have you tried any antidepressants or anything? How long has the cbt worked? Have you tried meditations?

I havent tried medication yet as I felt I didn't need it however think that's more of an internal power struggle with myself over control. I completed a basic counselling course years ago which covered cbt so I can do the basics as they would do in therapy however it's as if this whole situation is so complex that its really hard to unpick feelings/worries etc. The fact that I now have obsessive behaviours to go alongside my health anxiety is when I've realised I need a bit more help.
What drives me absolutely insane is when I see friends/family/colleagues and they all say "well you seem like your doing so much better" I know they are trying to be supportive but actually it only increases the pressure I put on myself to keep up the act of being 'normal'.

 

[Shreddykrugaer]

I havent tried medication yet as I felt I didn't need it however think that's more of an internal power struggle with myself over control. I completed a basic counselling course years ago which covered cbt so I can do the basics as they would do in therapy however it's as if this whole situation is so complex that its really hard to unpick feelings/worries etc. The fact that I now have obsessive behaviours to go alongside my health anxiety is when I've realised I need a bit more help.
What drives me absolutely insane is when I see friends/family/colleagues and they all say "well you seem like your doing so much better" I know they are trying to be supportive but actually it only increases the pressure I put on myself to keep up the act of being 'normal'.

I agree it tough to hear that but they dont know what is going on in your head thats why im glad i found the fourm my ocd disappeared or isnt apparent anymore so it is possible to stop those actions the more oyu do them the more it will become a habit i caught my starange thoughts and worry pretty early a month in and was able to stop them. It took a few weeks. Ive been hearing cbt isn't as great as people push it would you say it has little effect? There is alot of meds for ocd and the over thinking if you feel like your struggling internally id expose your self to your fears or worried thoughts lightly and try to recognize what exactly it makes you feel and not why its the problem or how to fix it just why excatly your struggling internally