Having panic attacks and depressed after adopting new dog

[keshiab]

Hi everyone. I'm new here.


For years I've been dealing with depression and anxiety. My anxiety is usually only triggered by very specific situations and I haven't had a panic attack for at least a year.


Five days ago my fiance and I adopted a 3 year old dog. I've always had animals in my life and have wanted my own dog for at least 8 years now. For the first time I felt financially and emotionally able to take care of a dog.


She's a lovely dog. Is house trained and happy to snooze in her bed when we aren't home (we both work full time). She is quite timid though and will need some work before we can properly walk her.


Since getting her I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I'm so tired when I get home from work and feel like I can't give the dog all the time and attention she needs. It's all I can do to feed her, take her to the bathroom and then collapse on the couch from exhaustion. My fiance tries to help but he's never had a dog and doesn't love animals like I do. On top of this I'm a neat freak and the fur is stressing me out. I have to clean every single day.


I was doing ok until around day 3, I had a huge panic attack and after feeding her I burst into tears. Since then I've had more and more panic attacks. They are near constant. For the last few days I haven't been able to eat, can barely hold down water and can't sleep. I can't bring myself to go to work. Just getting out of bed is an effort. All I can do for her is feed her and let her out to go toilet.


I feel completely overwhelmed, even with my fiance's help. I'm so confused as to why I feel this way as I've always had animals and know that having a pet is great for your mental health. I have no family or friends here to help me, just my fiance. Everyone I've talked to said to give it time and don't stress, but the more time I'm giving it the more distressed I am. I can't stop crying and feel like I've failed her. The only solution I can think of is to take her back to the lady I got her from (she runs her own private rehoming service, no kill, she's very supportive).


I don't want to give her up but at the same time I don't see a choice. The more I'm around her the more upset I get. It's like something is crushing me. I can no longer take care of myself so how can I take care of a dog? The only way I've ever been able to cope with situations that cause panic attacks is to remove myself from them.


I feel like the worst person in the world, I made a commitment to rescuing a dog, something I have dreamed about for years and now I can't cope or keep myself together long enough to function semi normally. I don't know what to do :-(


Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

 

[Alex]

It's great you took in the dog and any change is overwhelming. I would say right now you are anxious because you want things to be perfect, but if you have pets you know there will always be some mess or smell and most friends who have dogs work around it. Most keep an out of bound area, or they let them out in the garden more often.


You haven't failed, but adjusting takes time and your fiance is learning too. If you do have panic attacks I find having a bath calms me down. Maybe the trigger is that you want things to be perfect straightaway as you imagined it could be, and it's taking longer than expected. Animals are all different too and how they relate to you. I used to cat sit for my friend when she was away, and I would anxious if I didn't feed them on time or if I didn't play with them enough. In the end it was fine, as both cats liked me and were used to me already. My friend trusted me and that relived my anxiety, as I was afraid I wasn't looking after them well enough. When she said there was no one she could trust like me I felt much better and know it was just me wanting not to let her down.

 

[keshiab]

I've had to take her back to the woman I adopted her from. I feel terrible, I feel like I've let her down. I wish I could be strong enough to push through it and keep her but I just don't have it in me :-(


Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

 

[MellowCat]

keshiab taking on a new pet is an overwhelming experience, even for people who do love animals. In some ways it is similar to having a baby. Your life is going to change drastically from day one. Now, while others have told you to give it time, after five days it sounds to me like you have been giving as much time as you can stand to, all the while your own health getting worse. I would imagine this is also having a strain on your relationship, or at the very least adding stress to your fiance's plate too.


Giving the dog back may very well be the best solution, as much as it makes you sad. You shouldn't feel like you have failed, however. You tried, and that is far more than many people would ever do for a rescue dog. Further, you know this dog will go back to someone who will take care of her well and eventually find her another home.


Now, if you did want to give it one more try, I do have a couple of suggestions. First, I know you said you don't have any friends or family around there. But could you possibly advertise for a dog sitter or dog walker? This could be someone, even a teen, who could help you out a couple times a week, even when you are home. Someone could play with the dog, help you feed or groom her, or just be there in the evening for a couple of hours a week, and maybe that would take a little of the pressure off. If you can afford it, you could even pay someone to come over and help you clean or cook while you deal with the dog. It would not have to be an expensive thing--sometimes you can find people willing to do a lot of odd jobs for a small amount of money on freelance sites. I have heard of one called Rover.com There is also a general freelance site called TaskRabbit.


Another suggestion I have would be to ask the lady you got the dog from if you could possibly bring her back, but have the dog at your house one day a week. In this way, you and the dog get used to each other, and a routine is set in place , but you have time to adjust easier with 6 days of the week dog-free. Slowly, you could adapt to having a dog by taking her one more day a week over time. If the original owner is up for it, this could be an ideal solution that is far less stressful.


Anyway, I hope that some of my suggestions are helpful. But even if you do decide to take the dog back, be proud of yourself... You're a kind, loving person to want to adopt a rescue dog, and it's not your fault that you couldn't do it all at once. Anxiety is a scary monster, and sometimes we have no idea when it will show up uninvited!

 

[Alex]

Maybe in time you can do this. Perhaps you can go over and help walk the dog if you feel up to it? You haven't let her down, but you have to put your own health first. Don't be too hard on yourself and next time hopefully you will be more prepared mentally.


I know I can't look after a pet right now, but I do enjoy being with them and volunteer to walk dogs for friends. Maybe you could do that for the time being?

 

[amy88]

I had the same thing happen to me a few years ago, when I was in my early 20's living by myself. I wanted a pet for companionship so I got a cat from a local shelter - and the same kind of thing happened. I was going through a rough stage in my life and I don't know that at the time I was ready for the responsibility of a pet and like you I am a neat freak - so fur and stuff was frustrating me - and the cat also ripped up a corner of carpet in my room and I sat on the floor crying about it for a few hours.


I was going to take the cat back to the shelter because I wasn't coping, but one of my friends parents wanted a pet cat (they had their pet cat pass away a few years prior) so they took her in. It was a better outcome for all involved and they have the time to dote on the cat.

 

[stephonline]

Do not beat yourself up over this! Adopting a dog is a HUGE change in your life and if it was stressing you out that much then you did the right thing for giving the dog back. You can't possibly take care of the dog if you can't take care of yourself first! Use this as a learning experience and volunteer at a pet shelter instead! That way you can get time with pets and get the relaxation benefits from helping animals, but not the stressors of having hair all over your house. The shelter will be happy that you are volunteering your time and they could always use some extra hands! Don't beat yourself up. Time to look forward!

 

[amy88]

Do not beat yourself up over this! Adopting a dog is a HUGE change in your life and if it was stressing you out that much then you did the right thing for giving the dog back. You can't possibly take care of the dog if you can't take care of yourself first! Use this as a learning experience and volunteer at a pet shelter instead! That way you can get time with pets and get the relaxation benefits from helping animals' date=' but not the stressors of having hair all over your house. The shelter will be happy that you are volunteering your time and they could always use some extra hands! Don't beat yourself up. Time to look forward!

Love what you said about volunteering at a pet shelter! What a brilliant way to not only help out for a wonderful cause but also to get the enjoyment of snuggling cute animals! I think that's such a great tip.

 

[keshiab]

Thanks everyone for the helpful comments and support.


I actually already volunteer at a dog shelter every few weeks! It's great but it didn't feel like enough. I even advertised for weekend dog sitting and walking but had no takers, even for free.


I've booked into hypnotherapy to help work through this. Even so I think I'll have to wait a few months before thinking about getting another dog, if I'm ever capable of it at all!


Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

 

[Alex]

Thanks everyone for the helpful comments and support.
I actually already volunteer at a dog shelter every few weeks! It's great but it didn't feel like enough. I even advertised for weekend dog sitting and walking but had no takers, even for free.


I've booked into hypnotherapy to help work through this. Even so I think I'll have to wait a few months before thinking about getting another dog, if I'm ever capable of it at all!


Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

It's summer time and most people don't need help if the children are at home and can walk the dog perhaps? Have you put a card up in the local shops? That usually works because people prefer someone who is local to the area, as they need someone they can trust and also for the dog to be in a familiar area.


People do need dog sitters all of the time, I'm sure in time you'll get lots of offers. Maybe set up a blog or webpage so potential owners can read about your experience and what you can offer?

 

[keshiab]

It's summer time and most people don't need help if the children are at home and can walk the dog perhaps? Have you put a card up in the local shops? That usually works because people prefer someone who is local to the area, as they need someone they can trust and also for the dog to be in a familiar area.


People do need dog sitters all of the time, I'm sure in time you'll get lots of offers. Maybe set up a blog or webpage so potential owners can read about your experience and what you can offer?

I'm in Australia, it's winter here


I've tried cards, advertising on several sites, including specific dog sitting sites, social media and just word of mouth. I tried this for around 3 months and had no interest. I also work full time which I think puts people off as I'd only be free on weekends.


Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

 

[Rinka]

I hope you will feel confident enough in the future with yourself and your surroundings, that you will be able to adopt again.


It is hard for people to realise that they might not be the best for an animal, especially in your emotional situation. Please don't see it as a failure of yourself, but more as a good thing that you have realised your limits at this time and that you are now working on yourself.

 

[nggf]

i also suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder and I know the drill....I suggest U should never get any pets or even children...because U can progress in Ur illness ...
just get plants if U really want to take care of something or feed wild birds outside....

pet ownership is very stressful and expensive and totally unpredictable.....Im barely functioning with my aging few cats and my whole life is consumed with their care ...hair everywhere ,peeing outside box, excessive miauing and crying ,constant need for attention ...its a nightmare ...!!!
..on atop of it 2 of my cats are very ill and I have no money 2 take them to the vet for a proper traetment and all I can do is when the time is right bring them to get euthanized ...its also causing a lot of arguing between me and my HS ....I just wished I ve never got them first place ..I found them dying on a streets literally ...so anyway pets are huge stress and anxiety inducing thing in a life of a person with nervous illness ...stay away !!!!!...and they can live up to 20 yrs !!!!!