Has School Ever Damaged Your Confidence?

[Julian]

My classmates were all cool. It was the teachers who were the problem.
Well, I once had a terrible teacher who displayed my essay as an example of "what-not-to-do". And then there was another one who couldn't believe I had scored an A on her subject. Oh and then there was this last teacher who pointed at us- me and my best friend- to a junior class and said, "You see those boys out there? They'll never gain admission next year to this school because they'll never make the cut off". As far as classmates are concerned, they were all cool. It was the teachers who seemed hellbent on breaking me down.


However, it was because of these teachers that I felt the need to prove myself. I won a major national writing competition the same year that teacher displayed my essay. And me and my friend did gain admission into the school next year, and the same teacher said, "Oh, I knew you'd make it." Yeah right.


I was usually the guy who became part of the debate team because I was persistent. Everyone else seemed to either be the teacher's pet or some rich kid whose dad knew people in the school board. Most of the time I would only get one chance to prove myself because of the lack of confidence these people had in me. There lack of confidence made me less confident, but I always found a way to pick myself up.

Had issues with teachers as well, in middle school. Once I told another classmate ''good for you'' (insult-ish in Dutch, rarely used to actually insult), and she went and told the teacher as a joke. The teacher ended up putting me in a classroom with kids 5 years younger than me for the rest of the day, and they would take turns telling me what's wrong with my behaviour.


That same teacher also taught P.E. once. One time she thought I was smiling when I wasn't, and when I denied it she put me on a bench in the middle of my classmates and started lecturing me and pretended that I was a criminal of some sort, or at least it felt like that. I felt hot inside and my mouth was closed as if someone used superglue on it, a unique feeling. I'd rather not experience that again, though.

 

[Ashley0323]

Yes, of course. Ever since middle school, I had friends, but my friends were thinner than me, I was the "big" one, though I was not overly "big", maybe 155-160 in high school! I would get called fat and tons of other names. It will really get you down, and it doesnt go away, I still like my life feeling like im super fat, and I am 150, and 5'1.. I feel like I am over 200, just by how I feel about myself mentally.

 

[djanx]

My classmates were all cool. It was the teachers who were the problem.
Well, I once had a terrible teacher who displayed my essay as an example of "what-not-to-do". And then there was another one who couldn't believe I had scored an A on her subject. Oh and then there was this last teacher who pointed at us- me and my best friend- to a junior class and said, "You see those boys out there? They'll never gain admission next year to this school because they'll never make the cut off". As far as classmates are concerned, they were all cool. It was the teachers who seemed hellbent on breaking me down.


However, it was because of these teachers that I felt the need to prove myself. I won a major national writing competition the same year that teacher displayed my essay. And me and my friend did gain admission into the school next year, and the same teacher said, "Oh, I knew you'd make it." Yeah right.


I was usually the guy who became part of the debate team because I was persistent. Everyone else seemed to either be the teacher's pet or some rich kid whose dad knew people in the school board. Most of the time I would only get one chance to prove myself because of the lack of confidence these people had in me. There lack of confidence made me less confident, but I always found a way to pick myself up.

Had issues with teachers as well, in middle school. Once I told another classmate ''good for you'' (insult-ish in Dutch, rarely used to actually insult), and she went and told the teacher as a joke. The teacher ended up putting me in a classroom with kids 5 years younger than me for the rest of the day, and they would take turns telling me what's wrong with my behaviour.


That same teacher also taught P.E. once. One time she thought I was smiling when I wasn't, and when I denied it she put me on a bench in the middle of my classmates and started lecturing me and pretended that I was a criminal of some sort, or at least it felt like that. I felt hot inside and my mouth was closed as if someone used superglue on it, a unique feeling. I'd rather not experience that again, though.

Yeah, when they talk about bullying, they rarely talk about the subtle bullying and discrimination that goes on within our educational systems.

 

[kgord]

Well, I was bullied a bit in middle school, but in HS it wasn't a problem. However, I had a weight issue, and self esteem issues, that did not result from bullying, but from an internal sense of inferiority that I have struggled with my entire life, and may have passed down to my son. Some of these issues may be at the root of anxiety and depression for a lot of people. I wish I could say I have conquered these issues, but undoubtedly they are still there.

 

[fuzyon]

In elementary school I had the best time of my life. Because the school wasn't that big I knew everyone there and we would always have fun at and after school, playing games and hanging out regularly. In high school things have changed, I struggled to fit in and for the most part I kept to myself making sure to make small talk with other kids in order to not seem the odd one out. This part of my life definitely took a toll on my self-esteem at the time.

 

[misszerable]

At various points in my school life, specially from grade school to high school, school has made me lose confidence in myself. There was this situation which was caused by the teacher herself. I was in Grade 4 then and the class held an election to choose the officers for the class. I was nominated for the position of class Vice President against two other students. When my name was called, majority of the class raised their hands to vote for me, majority as in 90%. At this point, the teacher intervened and told the class that the vice-president should be financially capable. My name was again called and no one raised a hand to vote for me. The other candidate was then called, known to be well-off in our school, and majority raised their hands to vote for her. At that moment, I felt embarrassed and shocked at what had just transpired. If the same thing happened to me right now, I would have complained to the school authority and charged the teacher for her behavior. But I was just a child, a quiet child, and I didn't even report it to my parents. I harbored ill feeling against the teacher and I didn't know how I was able to get past that grade level. Somehow I still did and I was even awarded for getting the second honor for that year. The irony of it is that we weren't that poor at all. My father was a manager at Shell, a multinational company and my mother didn't have to work. It was just that I lived with my grandparents at that time and they were simple folks. I was a simple child, too. How quickly can people judge others by look, and how abusive that teacher was. Had I told my parents, they would have complained against the teacher. Maybe I should have. I felt vindicated because the poor and financially incapable child graduated from a prestigious college while the student endorsed by the abusive teacher did not.

 

[juvidase]

I hated high school. It had to be the most socially awkward four years of my life, and I truly did not recover until I was in my late 20's. I think the difference now is simply fighting. Sometimes, the socially awkward would be forced to defend themselves against bullies after they had simply had enough. Fights were not everyday, but they were not uncommon. Usually, having a fight was enough to get respect from the bully to the point where he'd leave people alone, or the school would turn against his tyranny.


It seems as though this doesn't happen as often these days. I know we now try to teach our kids to 'use their words' and such, but a lot of these kids learn that words don't work with some people. From there, they become frustrated because they are also taught that fighting is 'wrong'. I think that only helps the bully.


Ultimately, it's a tough call and hard to universally solve. My kids have run into bullies, and I teach them to "let every teacher and administrator that can hear your voice know that there is a problem" before it has to escalate. My kids also know that if the school isn't doing their job, then I will take over. That lets them know that they should have no issue with being threatened by people because I ALWAYS have their back.

 

[17emilyhalko]

School absolutely damaged my confidence! It's very hard to go to a new setting and not be accepted by those around you. I was never like the other kids, because I was very artsy and wasn't into barbies and rollerskates. I was into reading and writing and art. I was naturally alienated from my schoolmates. I never even necessarily felt the need to fit in, but I always felt bad that I wasn't like the other kids. I blamed myself for it, even though I knew that I wouldn't want to change even if I could. There will always be bullies and people who judge you in life, but I don't let that take away from my own life anymore, because I still deserve to be able to enjoy life like everyone else.

 

[clair02]

I used to be bullied a lot in school because I was the smallest in our entire grade. It was actually because I skipped a couple of grades and I was about two years younger than the other kids in our class. I think my parents thought it was a good idea for me to be pushed forward because of my learning abilities, but they never took into account that I would have everyone taking advantage of me for being the smallest and the youngest, so my years in primary school were pretty much hell. High school got a lot better for me and I started to gain some of my confidence back.

 

[DylanRowan]

It does hurt my confidence. Since I don't really do much in my life, it is one of the few things that keeps me going. I am at exam week, and I get the feeling that I am not accomplishing anything the moment I receive grades. It's mostly about the pressure that my parents give me so the moment I don't accomplish, my confidence goes down.

 

[janemariesayed]

Do you ever still feel uncomfortable about something which you were bullied with in school?


Personally, I'm very hairy (black hair on light brown skin). In middle school, it didn't take long for me to find out this was considered ''yucky''. I would be made fun of, people would point at any exposed body parts of mine, and people would refuse to sit next to me. I still remember in P.E. there were benches for those who were in queue for a certain activity, and people would only sit next to me if there was at least a 2-meter distance in between me and him/her.


Now, it doesn't matter anymore. Hair is considered manly instead of yucky, and bullying is something you'll get punched in the face for. But it has still affected me. I always try to cover up as much as I can, not because of others, but because it makes me feel free. As if I can move my arms wherever I want whereas I previously couldn't.

Children can be very cruel and you didn't deserve what you went through. I am glad that you feel freer now but wish that you would uncover your arms if you felt like it, or even wear just shorts on a lovely hot day. The best thing is to put that past behind you and not care about it. Those kids were ignorant and I bet half those girls are now married to hairy men anyway.

Hold your chin up @Julian, with your light brown skin and dark hair, I bet you are quite good looking. Your lady is probably the envy of many others out there.

 

[Sweed1]

We moved a lot when I was young and so landed in the last town when I was set to enter fourth grade. By that time the children were already well set with the in and out crowd. I was not born and raised in this town so I was in the out group. I was very shy and was picked on by many bullies and once even boxed in my ears on way home from school. In grade school I had nice teachers, but junior high and high school teachers were not interested in helping with class or homework problems, thus I did poorly in school but managed to get through high school.

In junior high I worked in the library and stayed pretty much to myself and in high school although, I stayed out of the limelight I was still made fun of by students and teachers. I think although both types hurt it is when teachers join in and help students make you feel stupid or yell at you for no reason, that is the hardest on self esteem issues.

I really liked one of my teachers who tried to help me with reading and spelling, and actually improved my love of books and learning by listening and fine tuning the parts of lessons that I did not understand. However, the bullies told her lies about me and one day she just stopped being my friend and avoided me. To this day I do not know what was said, but all it did was cause me lots of heartache and did nothing to help my low self-worth or anxiety levels.

Then I was shy and backward, and had homemade clothes and hardly spoke to anyone. But now I know my worth and stand up for myself whenever necessary. I can also carry on long conversations and have many friends. I can relate to most of your stories and can feel your pain.

 

[Danes]

Kids can be mean but once we grow up I don't think it's fair that the things that happened to us in school should still affect us, but sometimes they do. The good thing is that all that can be changed and you don't ever have to let your past dictate your future. You're grown up now and you can make the choice to redefine those experiences into learning experiences rather than letting them run your life still.