Grief over a Pet.

[janemariesayed]

It is coming up to a year since I lost my dog, Sasha. She was eleven years old when she died and I think I am still suffering from grief over her death. Sometimes days go by and I am fine and I am able to look at her photo without crying. Other times, however, I may be thinking about something totally different and then it hits me like a bullet. I remember something about her and the tears just won't stop flowing. The tears make my eyes feel like they are burning, like hot fluid is coming from them. I wonder if it is normal to still be having this kind of outburst nearly a year after she has gone.


Do you think that grief is worse if you are already suffering from depression?

 

[joshposh]

Well, of course it going to be worse.  How can it get better when you pile things on top of one another?


I look at death differently now that I am older.  I use to cry a lot when a family member passes away.  My dog is a family member, so I know how attached you can get.  I look at it as a natural process, and the best way to honor him or her is to remember the good times and not relish on the passing.  They are always with you in your thoughts.

 

[fuzyon]

Uh, I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand adding grief to depression is not the best thing ever, on top of your worries you'll also have to deal with the loss of your pet which can make you even more miserable. On the other hand I think you can cope better, I've been depressed for the better part of my life and even though right now I'm doing better I'm still far from perfect, I imagine I know how to cope with grief better since I've dealt with so much sadness over the years.

 

[misszerable]

It's perfectly normal for me. Pets are family members after all. I've a lost a dear cat 5 years ago and I would still cry whenever I remember that there was this little fellow who opens the door to greet me whenever I come home from the office. He was the only cat who would allow me to carry him for 10 minutes or so without complaining. He never leaves the house and would patiently wait for me to return home. He was just a year old when I lost him and I felt guilty because I fell asleep on the sofa and didn't realize that he was at the back of the house and the maid had already closed the kitchen door. He tried to walk around the house to find the front door but was attacked by our neighbors' dogs. I was heartbroken and cried like a child because I so loved him. I've taken care of 20 or so cats of 3 generations, and he was the youngest and the only one I can call my own, my Baby Miming. Yeah, thoughts of him still makes me cry...

 

[jy76]

Grief over a pet can particularly harsh when the pet died unfairly. For instance, I had a dog which was sprayed with pepper spray by bicyclists, causing it to go partially blind.  As a result of this disability, years later the dog was easily injured by a passing car.  In the end, our family had to put the dog to sleep.

 

[Alexandoy]

When our first dog died in 2007,  we were devastated as if we lost a child. In my grief,  I wrote a song for our dog and created a sort of mtv which I uploaded in YouTube.  There were mornings that my wife and I would wake up crying. To ease the pain, we would travel as much as we could. And another advantage was that we had another dog which really helped us in our time of mourning.  Maybe it took months before we finally recovered from the loss.

 

[janemariesayed]

Always a sad story when we hear of the death of someones pet. I have put Sasha's picture right near me so I get to see it often and I think it may just be helping a little. jy76, that sounds awful that your dog was attacked. Sasha went blind 3 years before she died and I was proud to be her eyes during that time. 


Alexandoy it would be great to watch your youtube video that you made in honour of your dog. Can you give us the link here please. It will probably make me cry my heart out but I would still love to watch it.

 

[jy76]

Grief over a pet can particularly harsh when the pet died unfairly. For instance, I had a dog which was sprayed with pepper spray by bicyclists, causing it to go partially blind.  As a result of this disability, years later the dog was easily injured by a passing car.  In the end, our family had to put the dog to sleep.

Nonetheless, in reality, I can understand why the bicyclists pepper sprayed my dog.  My dogs liked to chase cars and we refused to fence them in adequately.  Note, where I live lots of people let dogs roam the street, harassing drivers and threatening human lives, as some drivers try to swerve to avoid the animals.

 

[Natasha0717]

It is coming up to a year since I lost my dog, Sasha. She was eleven years old when she died and I think I am still suffering from grief over her death. Sometimes days go by and I am fine and I am able to look at her photo without crying. Other times, however, I may be thinking about something totally different and then it hits me like a bullet. I remember something about her and the tears just won't stop flowing. The tears make my eyes feel like they are burning, like hot fluid is coming from them. I wonder if it is normal to still be having this kind of outburst nearly a year after she has gone.


Do you think that grief is worse if you are already suffering from depression?


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I don't suffer from depression, but yes, it would seem that it would certainly play a role in your continued grief over the loss of your beautiful Sasha.  Having said that, I want to tell you that it has also been a year since my little Kevin died, who looks very similar to your Sasha (at least from your photo).  He was a Chihuahua-mix.  I didn't have him from when he was a puppy, I rescued him off the street on the 4th of July back in 2004...so I never knew his exact age.  But I did know that I had him for 11 years. I still cry about it now, one year later, and as I've said earlier, I don't suffer from depression (just anxiety.)  I start missing him a lot especially at night...along with his "sis" Michele, who passed away only 4 months later.  She wasn't even the same breed, she was a big, beautiful, orange Chow-mix.  I always knew one dog wouldn't last very long after the other died, we were all sort of "a team" and I knew the entire dynamic would be destroyed once one was missing. And that's exactly what happened.


So what I'm seeing here from you and I is just a true, pure love for our pets...and the reminders that come during the same time of year that they passed, the change of season/weather, the smells in the air, many things that instantly take us back to the time when we lost them, and even when they were already getting sick and we knew we were about to lose them.  So.. depression or no depression, it's the strong love that we had for them (and still have for them) that is causing this sadness and emptiness that just won't seem to go away.  I am attaching a photo of my Kevin.  


R.I.P.  Sweet Angels.

 

[janemariesayed]

Thank you so much, Natasha for your kind words. I see the likeness that you mean between Kevin and Sasha, even though he is smaller. It would be nice to think that there is a doggy heaven and they are playing together. 


I really do miss her so much and never thought it would be to this extent. I remember how she was so independent, not needing affection like Loopyloo. (my avatar pic). Whenever I tried to hug her or kiss her, she would let me, but pull away as quick as she could. I spoke to her one day, just like you would to a human. In normal tone and told her that I wondered sometimes if she really loved me as she never asked me for cuddles. She was more clever than I realised. 


After a couple of days,she came over to me and asked for cuddles. She did it a number of times, and she made me realise that she had planned it all out. She had understood totally what I had said to her, and she waited a bit of time so I wouldn't think she was just offering me affection because I had mentioned it. What a clever dog. The event made me realise that she did love me, and was prepared to show me in a way that I needed when I needed it. 


I am sure you have lovely memories of Kevin too, he certainly looks happy with his candy.

 

[Natasha0717]

 Animals are smarter than many people I know.  Kevin also understood some English, just as your Sasha did.  My brother thought he should be able to understand Spanish better than English (Chihuahua-mix, from Mexico)  :laugh: ....but I knew he understood certain phrases when I would say them, even when I didn't know he was paying attention.  He was a very smart boy, too.  He would even walk up to me at 2 a.m. and just stare.  2 a.m. was the time I would take both dogs for their walk (wouldn't need to worry about cars or other people bothering us.)  Sometimes I would get busy doing something else and lose track of time, but he would never let me forget that 2 a.m. was walk-time.  HOW he knew it was 2 a.m., I will never know.  But I do know that animals are special, and smart in ways that we will probably never understand.  They just are.  And yes, they are all up there playing together and doing all the things they used to do here on earth.  It's just that their poor, old, tired bodies could no longer do the things they wanted to do here anymore, so they went to a place where they could be free of pain and illness...and get back to their favorite activities.  


So rest easy, they are fine now.. (even though we're not doing so great because we miss them so much.)  Every night, I send a little message to them in my mind.  I just say, "Wait for Mama." And I know they hear it, and I know they are waiting because of it.  I would always say that to them when I'd go to the store or to work or something, so they knew I'd be back.  


But until we are finally reunited with them again, know that they are free of all the troubles they faced here towards the end, while they were sick and struggling.  Dogs would love to stick around with us forever, but just like people, their health eventually fails and there's just nothing we can do about that.  Except ask them to wait for us, WHICH THEY ARE.  That's a promise.