I really hoped I would be starting to feel better by now. My anxiety/depression are just not improving and have been going on for months and months now. I'm trying to do what my psychologist said about changing my fearful thoughts, although I find it really hard to even recognize them. I feel terrible most of the time, so I don't even know what thoughts to think! I can't think, "oh I feel good today" when I'm super discouraged and exhausted. How do I think happy positive thoughts when I really am scared of what I'm going through right now? I know he thinks if I can stop the fear and lower my adrenaline level things will settle down, but I really feel like I don't have a lot of control over it - although he would strongly disagree! If I wake up shaky and afraid, I don't know how to not be worried about that or make light of it.
And I still have the fear I have had for months now that I am addicted to Klonopin. My doctor says no, but it seems like after a couple days of not using it my anxiety gets super bad - of course I'm kind of looking for it to get bad because of my fear, but how do I know for sure that I'm not if my anxiety is worse after a couple of days. Like I took 1/2 of a 0.50 tablet 3 nights ago and then my anxiety felt ok for a couple of days but yesterday I woke up super anxious and stayed that way all day, and when I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous I took 1/2 and fell asleep for about 4 hours but then woke up at 3 - a little less anxious but still unable to go back to sleep, so I took another half and still could not sleep. So after not sleeping much and not great really the night before, I am exhausted, depressed, and have no idea how I will get through this day. I try to remember when I felt better and and hope to get back to that again. I used Klonopin then too several nights a week to sleep but I didn't worry about it until one day when I started feeling shaky and realizing I hadn't taken it for a few days so now it's all I think about.
Sorry for the long venting session!
And I still have the fear I have had for months now that I am addicted to Klonopin. My doctor says no, but it seems like after a couple days of not using it my anxiety gets super bad - of course I'm kind of looking for it to get bad because of my fear, but how do I know for sure that I'm not if my anxiety is worse after a couple of days. Like I took 1/2 of a 0.50 tablet 3 nights ago and then my anxiety felt ok for a couple of days but yesterday I woke up super anxious and stayed that way all day, and when I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous I took 1/2 and fell asleep for about 4 hours but then woke up at 3 - a little less anxious but still unable to go back to sleep, so I took another half and still could not sleep. So after not sleeping much and not great really the night before, I am exhausted, depressed, and have no idea how I will get through this day. I try to remember when I felt better and and hope to get back to that again. I used Klonopin then too several nights a week to sleep but I didn't worry about it until one day when I started feeling shaky and realizing I hadn't taken it for a few days so now it's all I think about.
Sorry for the long venting session!
