Getting back to a place where something happened.

Corzhens · Aug 15, 2016

That's clearly a trauma you are experiencing and I guess it helps when you go back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, to get you oriented and give you the impetus to move on. It was a long time ago when I suffered a fractured arm. I was doing the laundry and I accidentally slipped by the side of our house. I was brought to the hospital and had surgery to connect the broken bone with a metal brace. Until now I still have that metal brace. After the surgery, it seemed that I didn't have the courage to go to the side of our house. When I mentioned that to our doctor, he explained that I was traumatized by the accident and the thing that would cure the trauma is to orient myself in the location where it happened. Summoning all my courage, I went to the side of our house and relived the accident in my mind. It took me several times of doing that before I was finally able to move on away from that painful memory.

hades_leae · Aug 15, 2016

Get tough, you need to make your mind stronger, if you always think something is going to happen "which is OK to a certain extent", then you will loose out on a quality life. What would you do if something happened at the store where you get all of your essentials? Would you just say that you won't go there anymore because you're worried and drive 20 miles to the next best place knowing you don't always have the gas to do that, or will you prepare yourself for what could happen.

Experience should make you mentally and physically stronger, you need to be able think critically in situations that you don't want to be in so that you can always be in control. Sometimes things happen to us, things we hate, but you can't let that keep you from living life.

John Snort · Aug 16, 2016

Most people would rather not go back to a place of bad experiences. There was a time when a neighbor of mine was attacked in her home by someone she claimed was a stranger. Quite a story if you ask me as this person didn't even try to steal anything. Someone heard her screams and when he responded her assailant fled. Since she had many friends in the neighborhood, she got a place to stay for a while but she never did return to her old house. Though the likelihood of something similar happening is quite remote, she's unwilling to take any chances by moving back. It pays to be wary, yeah, but you can't run away from some of these things forever. If you can, go back to the place where a traumatic event occurred. Chalk it up as something that happened in the past and try to banish it from your mind. Easier said than done, I must admit.

deanyd_17 · Aug 16, 2016

If you need to take the subway, then taking small steps like this is a great way of making such trips feel normal again. I'd recommend taking unnecessary trips around town with sympathetic friends who are aware of your situation. This will be especially helpful if you know you'll be needing to take the subway during a time of less traffic. Making the process normal again is not going to be easy, it is going to take time, and you will need patience. But with patience, and with the support of others around you, know that you can make these trips again one day.

djordjem87 · Aug 19, 2016

I had a trauma in a form of a very bad flight. Very bad! I was petrified and also ice cold during the thing while everybody around me was basically praying and crying. I saw it as if I was distant, not there at all. I guess it was a defensive mechanism but some time after we landed, obviously, I started to feel some changes in my behaviour. I had nightmares and I was basically getting my insomnia problems back mixed with bad dreams when I actually slept a bit. All this led me to start forgetting stuff, to hear voices, to have panic attacks and anxiety. It is okay now but I really do not want to get nowhere near an air plane. Maybe it would be better for me to actually go somewhere with a plane. Prior to that I already had OCD and minor anxiety problems and of course chronic insomnia but this accident was too much at the moment. When we landed I was actually arrested because of some kind of a mistake and misunderstanding and I was put in a cage with refuges from Africa. I was there, in Hungary , for three days in open at - 11 Celsius. It was the end of the year. Some Albanians were also there and since I am from Serbia we had some arguments that they started. I was the only Serb so they tried to take advantage of that. Anyway, after three days they almost sent to a shelter for the refuges somewhere on the border with Romania but that was just too much for me and I made a scene so they had to deal with me more seriously and they did in the end. They sent me back home. It was a very bad experience and I am still recovering even though it was two years ago, even more.

Laura127 · Aug 25, 2016

I was in a car accident on the way to school my freshman year. It was sleeting and the light turned yellow as we approached, my friend couldn't get us stopped, apparently the man coming from the cross street couldn't stop his vehicle either. His Cadillac broad-sided our Pinto at about 40 mph. Our car was totaled and for a minute I thought my friend, who was driving, had been killed. He'd hit his head on the windshield and was unconscious and bleed from the head. It took weeks before I could get in a car again, I walked, I took the bus, rode a bicycle, but no passenger cars. When I did finally have to get back in a car it was several more months before I could get into the front passenger seat, generally I rode in back. To this day (and it's been 33 years) yellow lights make me nervous and I avoid that intersection if the weather is bad.

You cannot allow it to control your life and I applaud what you are doing to reclaim the life you had before. Just know that some shadow of this may cling to the background of your sub-conscious for sometime. I've been told (by professionals) that that is normal and to not be too hard on myself. When the memories appear, unexpectedly, out of nowhere, just breath, center yourself on one safe thought and move forward.

17emilyhalko · Aug 25, 2016

I've had a similar situation. I met a guy a few years ago, and he seemed like a very nice guy, despite the fact that people would tell me that he was a bad guy. I guess that I was in denial and wanted to see the better in him. He was completely fine the first two times I hungout with him, but then one day, he was blaring drunk when he picked me up at my house, and I decided not to spend time with him anymore. Well, a little over a year ago, he messaged me again, and I decided to give him another chance. Yet again, he was good the first few times that we hungout, but then after the first few times, things went sour... One day, he picked me up when he was sober, but we went back to his house and he got drunk there and raped me... I didn't see that coming at all, being that we were just friends and that he didn't make any indication that he wanted to become more than that. His mother walked in on us, too, and called me a lot of dirty names, which made the guy angry. They got into a horrible fight and broke a glass table, and the mother threw glass shards at me. Thankfully, I didn't get hurt! But, afterwards, I made it a priority to never see him again. At first, I would avoid driving on the road that he lived on, but I realized that I would have to go on that road to get to my boyfriend's house, which was literally down the street.

You are courageous to want to go on the subway again! You are so admirable for that! You should give it a try if you believe that you are ready to, even if you have to have someone there to hold your hand the first few times. It's just really important to remember that you aren't specifically being targeted. What happened was a random attack, and it could've happened to anyone else in your situation. Also, an assault could happen anywhere, really. It's more likely to happen in a subway than in a small town, of course, but in reality that attack could have happened anywhere. The most important thing is to wait until you think that you're ready to move on, and using the subway again will be a first step to moving on. I wish you luck!

Kelleyann409 · Aug 25, 2016

Hi! You are talking a great first step. Being courageous and not letting a bad experience control your life is an amazing outlook.

The brain is mighty powerful and you have to "teach" it not to fear the subway again. Start small. Each day try and go closer and closer to the subway. EAch day that you go to the subway and nothing happens your brain will relax a little bit. Right now, it's on protect you mode. When it happens, breath and try to relax. Taking calming breaths until the panic subsides. The best way to beat this is by exposure. Just know that you are stronger than you think! By going back to the subway and facing this, I am sure you will be using it soon without anxiety. Good luck!

KellyLake · Aug 31, 2016

I am so sorry that happened to you. Nobody deserves that. The good news is that statistically, we will all be victims of a violent crime once in our lives, so statistically nothing like that will ever happen to you again! :smile: At least that is what I tell myself.

To answer your question, I have been in a similar situation and like you, have had no choice but to return to the scene of the crime. In my case it was my house. A few years back a crazy man on drugs broke into my house while I was sleeping, threatened to kill me and beat me up pretty good. I got away, thank god. I didn't know him, it was a totally random thing, and I live in a pretty safe neighborhood. It was just dumb luck. I lived alone during that time, and even though it still felt like my home, things were different. If I heard a noise outside my window as I was falling asleep I would panic. I felt anxious most nights.

Before the attack, whenever I would watch Dateline or something where a person was attacked in their own home I would think, what a nightmare that must be. My worst fear. Your home is the one place you feel safe, we don't usually even think about it. You do not fall asleep at night wondering if there is someone in the house with you, or return from the grocery store and check in all the closets. I didn't, until after it happened to me.

What helped me was getting a roommate. Realistically it's not like having someone there removed the perceived threat, but it definetely took my mind off of it. Now that I am a few years past it, and still living in the same house, I can honestly say I feel very safe in my own home. I am certainly better about locking doors and windows, and I got a dog. My home is my home again - I hardly think about what happened there. It is like a bad dream, or like it happened to someone in a book I read. I definitely suffer from PTSD - night terrors, panic if someone walks too close to me, ect., but at least my room is a friendly atmosphere to me again.

Everyone's experience is so individual and of course I know nothing of your personal experience, I only know what helped me. My advice would be to go on Amazon and order a taser or pepper spray, maybe take a self-defense class. And of course, keep taking the subway as if nothing happened (easier said than done, I know), and in time it will have been a long time ago, and those memories will have a little less power over you. Best of luck to you my friend!

spongebob19 · Sep 5, 2016

I would avoid it for a few days just to give yourself some time to relax. Take a few days off work if you can. Then once you're less immediately traumatized, you should return to the subway again and try to develop some closure from the incident. Realize it is not the location that harmed you. It was the people. Everytime you go to the subway again, there will be different people, not the ones you saw. If you ever encounter those individuals again then call the police immediately. You are strong, and you can get through this. It may take some time.

Aree Wongwanlee · Sep 5, 2016

I have had two bad accidents on my motorbike. In the first one, I couldn't remember at all what happened. The last thing I remembered was having lunch. That was at noon. The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital with a broken arm, at about 3 am. I was told about where they found me. I have visited that spot many times. Actually, I pass by that place everyday on my way to and from work. Strangely, I could never recall what happened on that night. The second accident happened during a heavy storm. I ran into a tree which had fallen across the road. I saw the tree just before I hit it. Luckily I suffered only a few scratches. My motorbike was more damaged than me. I still pass that spot very often. It does not hold any bad memories for me. Of course, now I am very much more cautious when riding in the rain.

kgord · Sep 5, 2016

I am sorry you had that experience too. It is never easy to be involved in something traumatic like that happen. I think you are doing the right thing by baby stepping your way back to the area and the experience. It is just one of the ways that you might be able to move past this eventually. It could be one of the ays that you get the sort of help you need in order to move past this trauma and have the peace you need in your life.

Dybbuk Jones · Sep 6, 2016

I think what makes the experience of getting mugged so troubling is the fact that we all think that we are superheroes. We think that we can take on the muggers and we want to be the ninja warriors. I know that when I relived my mugging I kept going over it and I kept thinking about everything I did. I got in the car. I was afraid of getting in the car, but I was also afraid of not getting in the car. The guy claimed that he was going to sell me pot and for some reason I got in the car, even though I didn't want to buy pot. And then when he drove to a place at the end of the block, went around and got my wallet (which I was trying to give to him but he punched me in the head anyhow), I kept thinking about how I could have stabbed him in the neck or gotten over him. It wasn't enough that I was mugged. I had to feel like a weakling for not being a super ninja defending myself.

DDNatureLover · Oct 4, 2016

I do tend to confront things like this. I had an abusive relationship years ago that ended with my then fiance threatening to kill me. It was a very stressful period in my life, and I moved out of state to get away from him. Years later, I moved back, and it took me a while, but I made myself drive by the house we were living in at the time. It was hanging over my head until I did it, and I felt much better afterwards. Deep breathing helps me get through a lot of situations like that. My major accident occurred at a toll booth, and it took a long time before I could take the tollway again, or at least that portion of it, but since then, I've done so several times. Every time I do, the symptoms are slightly less severe.

djanx · Oct 5, 2016

I am sorry to hear about the incident. And I hope you'd be able to eventually get over the ptsd. However, it is normal to have those thoughts come back when you go back to the place where you were assaulted. Talk about it to us on this forum as much as you need and generally try to push yourself to go to that place and create better memories if possible. Seek help from friends in this regard.

kgord · Oct 6, 2016

I am kind of traumatized by something that happened in my past. I don't want to go into detail, but it was something that made me feel not only bad about myself but about the people I was involved with. I think there are lots of things that can traumatize us, and the only way forward to is to venture into the same terrritory, but cautiously, and with an awareness that maybe we didn't have before. It is the only way forward I think.

sidney · Oct 6, 2016

Well, I hope that you are now in a better place then before? I had a couple of "traumatizing" experiences, but I was never assaulted by strangers yet. I did experience having some violent moments with my family, but I was never traumatized and it never made me afraid of them. I think you are just suffering from the initial shock due to that incident, and try to make yourself immune to it by visiting the place often so you will eventually get "desensitized" around it.

Aree Wongwanlee · Oct 6, 2016

Whether it serves any purpose to retrace your steps depends on where the incident happened. If it's some place where you normally go by in the course of your day, then that might be a good idea. It's not good to go out of your way to avoid a place where an unhappy incident had occurred. However, if what happened is in some place that's way off your beaten track, then I would say, let go and forget about it.

janemariesayed · Jan 2, 2017

Laneorexorcist said:
Hey people!

At the begging of this year I was assaulted by two men while I was about to take the subway, it was right on the stairs and it was a really, really bad experience. I ended up with a lot of bruises, without my phone and what's worse, with some type of PTSD. I still get flashbacks, I'm quite scared to get out of my house with my cellphone, and it's extremely difficult for me to take the subway. But what am I doing is wait for more people to take it, and I make sure that there's inauspicious people on my back (I was attached by my back).

But I have to admit that it was really hard for me to adapt again to it, but I guess that's obvious since it's basically necessary for anyone to take the subway on my city, so that also helped.

Have you been on similar situations?

How do you deal with the anxiety of getting back to a place where something bad happened?

It has been impossible for me to get anywhere. I have had numerous traumatic things happen to me throughout my life and I still suffer from each one. I'm starting therapy very soon and waiting for my first appointment as I write this post! My main problem is that people don't understand my symptoms and expect me to behave normally like they do. It frustrates me and makes me upset which in turn gives me anxiety problems.

I don't know how long my counselling will last, or how long it will take me to get better, but I know that counselling will help and I am looking forward to that. I think the best thing for PTSD, depression or anxiety is therapy, and the sooner you can get it the better.

Getting back to a place where something happened.

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