Feeling "stuck" at a party

[lexinonomous]

After attending a party with my boyfriend last night, I discovered something a bit new about my social anxiety. I was surrounded by people I didn't know and ended up being a wall flower as people enjoyed themselves. I watched people drink, laugh, and even had a few conversations with people. I was surprised that I even tried to socialize, since parties usually make me uneasy. I decided that I wanted to leave, but something inside me would not let me tell my boyfriend. I was afraid to tell him I wanted to go home. I had no reason to be afraid to say something, other than feeling as if I was going to ruin his good time.


Usually, I have no issue telling someone that I would like to go home, but last night it felt very similar to a case of stage fright. I'm really not sure how to describe the feeling other than feeling as if I couldn't say anything. My mind kept telling me "just say it," yet I continued to watch everyone have a great time on the side lines.


Does anyone have difficulty leaving parties?


Do you feel awkward saying your goodbyes?

 

[ReadmeByAmy]

I remembered when I was still a teenager I always hate attending a party for the reason that I am the shy type of person at that time and I am afraid to socialize even I am with the company of my family and friends. In fact during our junior senior prom in high school I am just watching my classmates dancing and enjoying the party. While I myself was just sitting in one corner and turning down when someone would like to dance with me. Just imagined that kind of attitude that I had during that time. In fact I even wished that the party will be finish at once so that I can go home already. I know it is shameful if I will leave the party at once and we are not permitted to do so. But when I was in college my attitude had changed all of a sudden and I don't know how I made it. And I am not afraid to socialize anymore with other people.

 

[Neil9975]

At any social event I go to, I always have a hard time talking to people. I have to force myself to talk to people. My girlfriend goes to these all these parties, and she thinks that I should go meet more of her friends and family and I'm just like "Do I have to?" so I do give in and like I said force myself to talk to random people. If she see me talk to enough people, I just tell her I'm exhausted and that I want to leave. So she sees that I tried and we go on our way. That's just one example of a social event that I have a hard time talking to people at. It's gotten better so I am just starting to enjoy going to these social events.

 

[Houille]

Oh... I know that feeling all too well... It's basically when you see everyone having a good time, but you're the only one who feels uncomfortable - you don't wanna ruin anyone's good time so you just kinda toughen it out and sit quietly in a corner. I really hate the feeling. I felt this way a looot during my younger years, when I'd reluctantly tag along on parties. I couldn't really miss out on those because they were basically what brought the circle of friends together - but I hated those parties, it always involved **** I didn't want.


Maybe you could bring something to distract yourself with?

 

[Corzhens]

I had experienced being in a party where I felt an outcast. It was a premiere of a movie and my husband got an invitation for 2 so he brought me along. After the movie, there was dinner and we proceeded to the stated restaurant. It was a buffet dinner so the food is okay with me. However, it is understandable that I would be a square peg in a round hole since I don't know anyone in the table I am in. My husband was busy attending to his job of taking photographs. It's a good thing that I was able to finish the first serving of food I got. After that, I got a drink and took a stroll and lingered in the lobby of the restaurant. I get very uncomfortable with people whom I do not know very well much more when they are talking of something that is alien to me.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

When it comes to me, parties are always a challenge, but I guess that I'm okay when there's really close friends on that party, but if there's people that I don't know I became petrified immediately and as you have said, it's extremely difficult to say or do anything, I feel self conscious even for standing up and going to the bathroom and in those situations I don't really say good bye because no one cares, lol, or I just say a general goodbye, I guess.

 

[rootle]

I would probably behave the same as you if I were in that situation. Luckily you have your boyfriend who can sort of help you speak up a bit. Since there was alcohol at the party, I'd have had some of it if I were you. It's a good way to get out of the feeling of being stuck.

 

[amy88]

I think it's one of the big reasons why I don't like going to big gatherings - because I find it awkward leaving. I never want to be the first to leave so I usually wait until someone else heads out - then that way I don't feel like all eyes are on me!

 

[Alex]

I always plan when and how to get home whenever I go out for my own peace of mind. Even if I am with someone I make my own plans, and that includes being with a partner. At times you need to put yourself first and allow others to do what they wish. You can always make an excuse like an early start or something, so it doesn't look rude, but as time has gone on I think less of what others may think and what is best and comfortable for me.

 

[Panic57]

I don't tend to go to parties because I hate being the awkward third wheel. But my friends usually try to force me to go dance in the middle with my non-existent dance skills or try to make a scene to get some guy's attention. So I'm usually in the middle of my friends being ridiculous and drunk while I'm the designated driver, because I don't drink. But when I'm allowed to be a wall flower, I actually don't mind being at parties. I like people watching and I play out story lines in my head until it's time to go. I always hate saying goodbye because it never fails to be awkward, even when I'm being really sincere about thanking them for inviting me or just telling them good night, I feel cheesy and fake. As for going with a boyfriend or friends, I usually tell them I'm ready to go when I know they are either at the point where I'm going to have to ask someone to help me carry them into the car or It's really late.

 

[essennyo]

I've been to parties of my friends where my brother was also invited along. Because I'm a very different person at parties, I would find myself, clinging to my phone. Anytime I would say something, I would feel like it wasn't received well, which would lead me to talk less and less. Eventually, I just wouldn't speak and would find a corner to slink away to by myself. My brother, on the other hand, had no problem being the life of the party, joking and dancing, getting everyone to laugh at whatever he said, overall making the party more enjoyable for everyone. Now, my brother and I aren't actually that different. At home, alongside my two sisters, we're basically the same person. Our sense of humor is almost exactly the same. It's just at parties, he's better at expressing that person. My inability to do that causes me to recede further into myself. It also makes me think that my friends like my brother way better than me and wish that they could always hang out with him instead of me.


I literally am stuck because at those parties he's my ride home, and he's usually having way more fun than I am. But I'm stuck because I feel like I have to make a comeback or make my presence known before my friends forget about me.

 

[Norjak71]

What you just described plagues so many people. You are definitely not alone. When I get invited to a party with close friends almost always it comes the point of "hey, lets go over to our neighbors and join there group". I desperately try to push for that not to happen since I don't know anyone there, and as soon as it does I get so uncomfortable. I hate meeting new people like that where everyone just seems to fit in and you feel like a social reject in the corner, and it has resulted in me actually just skipping out and going home. As far as the awkward goodbye goes I don't really get that at all, I just say nice meeting you and duck out the back and hope no one says anything about me after I leave. Its so uncomfortable but you are definitely not alone!

 

[Zamininc]

I know how you feel, in large social settings I'll just be a loner the entire time if left to my own devices. I'm fine if it's a group of people I'm all familiar with - but a huge group of people and I barely know anyone there? That's a no-no for me. My personal strategy is to figure out who's going to be attending the party/event and make sure there's at least a few people I know and I'll just talk to them the whole time.

 

[Jemina]

I feel like that too, and I feel the same way when I go to people's houses too. I don't want to say "I want to go home now" because I don't want to seem like I'm being rude and don't want to be there any more or like they're not doing enough to involve me because that would be even worse, feeling like I have to be involved in whatever game they come up with to involve everyone. I've had people do that before, decide if I want to go home I'm bored. No, I'm afraid and want to get out of that environment! But instead they do things like stick a blindfold on me and make me do things like eat in front of everyone with a blindfold on which only makes me hate those sorts of events even more. I really would just rather go home. I hate trying to get out of parties like that so end up avoiding going altogether where possible.

 

[GalacticEgg]

...But instead they do things like stick a blindfold on me and make me do things like eat in front of everyone with a blindfold on which only makes me hate those sorts of events even more. I really would just rather go home. I hate trying to get out of parties like that so end up avoiding going altogether where possible.

That sounds awful. I really hope you aren't being bullied, I know my anxiety in social situations has been taken advantage more than once.


Many people here probably resonate with my experience of my own parents pushing me to become more "involved", especially at family functions or parties with their friends. I was a bookish, head-y kid and I wasn't really one for interaction with anybody, but my mom and especially my dad loved to trot me out in front of their friends and family members to show them how "smart" I was. They'd ask me questions about dinosaurs and history, and as a six year old, I was able to teach everyone something new. It was great for my ego, but eventually I began to resent being a show dog, so to speak.

 

[Jemina]

That sounds awful. I really hope you aren't being bullied, I know my anxiety in social situations has been taken advantage more than once.


Many people here probably resonate with my experience of my own parents pushing me to become more "involved", especially at family functions or parties with their friends. I was a bookish, head-y kid and I wasn't really one for interaction with anybody, but my mom and especially my dad loved to trot me out in front of their friends and family members to show them how "smart" I was. They'd ask me questions about dinosaurs and history, and as a six year old, I was able to teach everyone something new. It was great for my ego, but eventually I began to resent being a show dog, so to speak.

That was a lot how it was for me, being expected to I suppose perform with the knowledge I had. I didn't like being made to be the center of attention but it seemed like that was what my mother in particular wanted me to be all the time. I didn't like being made to be involved in big events like they wanted me to be involved in. It made me more introverted the more I was forced into the center of attention when I didn't want to be.

 

[justsayyes]

I used to be the same but i think I've outgrown about caring so much over people at parties. I'm typically fine as long as i have friends around but if I'm all alone, then that's a different story. I get really anxious and i just want to disappear. But generally, people just want to have fun at parties, and if it's too loud then staying silent is fine. And if i have friends at my side, i'll start a conversation with them outside of the main conversation that's happening in the room.