Feeling so weird and I need help

[PaigeWoods]

Hi everyone,

It’s my first time here. I really need some help to try figure out what is going on with me.

The past year I’ve suffered very bad anxiety and panic which has recently turned into depression too.

The hardest thing for me right now is this very unsettling (actually unbearable) feeling that I am not me. I know that sounds crazy but it’s as if I don’t know who I am anymore, what I like doing, what makes me happy etc and it’s terrifyingly bizzare.

Sometimes it feels like amnesia but I can remember things that happened me it’s just I feel so disconnected from them and the person in them, like they are someone else’s memories.

Anyone know what this is? It is feeding my anxiety and I am hoping if I could just get an answer as to what it might be I can try to calm myself.

Is there something wrong physically/mentally? I don’t know. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Thanks a lot,
Paige.

 

[guitarman65]

Welcome Paige, this place is great for information because we all have been there and experienced almost all issues related to anxiety.

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My opinion is that you are experiencing what I, and many on here have, Depersonalization/Derealization due to anxiety. It is really confusing when this happens to me because it seems like you are dreaming while seeing everything happen. Sometimes it doesn't seem real what u see in realtime, sometimes after the fact doesn't seem real, and sometimes...both. im not sure if it goes away, fades, or a person just gets used to it, but it DOES get better! In my situation, my meds helped me accept this issue, and that is the first step in dealing with it. The most important part is knowing that u are NOT going insane, just having anxiety issues making u think that u are.

Trust me here...It WILL get better...been battling it for almost 40 yrs now, and some people on here more.

Keep posting, it helps and we all learn from every one!

 

[Brad66]

Like guitarman said it sounds like depersonalization. It was the most frightening symptom of my depression when I went through my first episode.

Here is a good article explaining what is it, why it happens, and how to cope.

http://depersonalizationrecovery.com/articles/depersonalization-cure-tip-2-anxiety/

 

[PaigeWoods]

Welcome Paige, this place is great for information because we all have been there and experienced almost all issues related to anxiety.

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My opinion is that you are experiencing what I, and many on here have, Depersonalization/Derealization due to anxiety. It is really confusing when this happens to me because it seems like you are dreaming while seeing everything happen. Sometimes it doesn't seem real what u see in realtime, sometimes after the fact doesn't seem real, and sometimes...both. im not sure if it goes away, fades, or a person just gets used to it, but it DOES get better! In my situation, my meds helped me accept this issue, and that is the first step in dealing with it. The most important part is knowing that u are NOT going insane, just having anxiety issues making u think that u are.

Trust me here...It WILL get better...been battling it for almost 40 yrs now, and some people on here more.

Keep posting, it helps and we all learn from every one!

Hi and thank you so much for the reply. Very comforting to hear someone say they felt the same way even though I wish no one ever had to feel like this. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me today.

 

[PaigeWoods]

Like guitarman said it sounds like depersonalization. It was the most frightening symptom of my depression when I went through my first episode.

Here is a good article explaining what is it, why it happens, and how to cope.

http://depersonalizationrecovery.com/articles/depersonalization-cure-tip-2-anxiety/

Thanks a lot brad, again so reassuring to hear someone else understands what I’m feeling. Did yours go away eventually? Mines been on and off for a year now. Terrified I’m stuck here.

 

[Brad66]

Thanks a lot brad, again so reassuring to hear someone else understands what I’m feeling. Did yours go away eventually? Mines been on and off for a year now. Terrified I’m stuck here.

Yea it eventually got way better. I cycle between high and low anxiety and when my anxiety gets high it will come back but it's mild and passes within moments. Usually will just be a nagging thought when I am hanging out with friends and lose myself for a moment in a discussion and then I will get a weird feeling and I think about it. I used to despair in that moment but now I just see it for what it is and let it pass, it's just the memory of it . When my anxiety is low though it goes away completely.

I am still in my recovery process though. Its one of the "stickier" symptoms just because it was so scary. I confused it with being suicidal the first time I experienced it and so it had added worry and fear for me. It has definitely lost its edge with me though so I am assuming the next step will be that I will stop noticing it when it happens and they I'll fully be free from it.

 

[PaigeWoods]

Yea it eventually got way better. I cycle between high and low anxiety and when my anxiety gets high it will come back but it's mild and passes within moments. Usually will just be a nagging thought when I am hanging out with friends and lose myself for a moment in a discussion and then I will get a weird feeling and I think about it. I used to despair in that moment but now I just see it for what it is and let it pass, it's just the memory of it . When my anxiety is low though it goes away completely.

I am still in my recovery process though. Its one of the "stickier" symptoms just because it was so scary. I confused it with being suicidal the first time I experienced it and so it had added worry and fear for me. It has definitely lost its edge with me though so I am assuming the next step will be that I will stop noticing it when it happens and they I'll fully be free from it.

I’m so glad to hear you’re nearly there, that’s great! A year seems like an eternity for me I’m just hoping it starts easing soon. Thanks again for your reply.

 

[Concernedgal]

I’m so glad to hear you’re nearly there, that’s great! A year seems like an eternity for me I’m just hoping it starts easing soon. Thanks again for your reply.

It's a really tough symptom to have. Depersonalization is a tough symptom. I suppose from me the thing that made it easier was routine.
A routine will make your life more predictable during this unpredictable time. Myou routine consists of....wake up...took my buspar...cleaned house most of the day ( staying busy was a very important part of my routine ). Then I had lunch..etc. .. at 9 oclock. ..it was time to take another buspar the go to bed. Please try to get some sleep as tough as it will be ( if sleep is an issue). Sleep was an issue for me. The point is ...as hard as this is right now... try not to focus on your very uncomfortable symptom try to just act as if it doesn't exist. My therapist told me 1 time that if you give it attention. ...it will stick around longer. I took her advice and it's been 5 years since my uncomfortable experience with depersonalization.

 

[Brad66]

I’m so glad to hear you’re nearly there, that’s great! A year seems like an eternity for me I’m just hoping it starts easing soon. Thanks again for your reply.

It won't take a full year to start getting relief from it. It just might take long or longer for you to completely shake it. In the short term I would suggest a few things to try to manage it:

1. Make sure you are getting sleep at least 8 hrs a night. If you are having trouble you might need to get a sleeping aid from your Dr to use in the short term.

2. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Something that gets the heart pumping.

3. Diet. Try to eliminate processed sugars and caffienated drinks. (Don't go cold turkery if you are a coffee drinker though, you will need to ween off it). And stay hydrated! 100 oz of water a day. Download a phone app to help you track it. Not only is the tracking good for making sure you have your water but it will also give your brain something to think about that isn't your feelings.

These are just simple lifestyle changes that will help you out with managing the stress and level your mood. Which in turn will help you accept the depersonalization symptoms easier and will make them subside much quicker.