Feeling Separated From Friends

[Panic57]

I'm at that age where most of my friend are either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship with kids.  With that comes a shift in the conversation to either their partners or their kid.  Even my most ambious friends suddenly seem very content with their life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm estatic that they are in good stable relationships but I keep finding mysel not fitting into the conversation.  Where the majority of the group can bound over similar experiences, I'm struggling to talk to them in a considerate manner where before we used to talk about our dreams, goals, and life in general.  I starting to feel anxious that I'm separating socially from my friends but I don't want to jump into a relationship with kids with just anyone just to keep up with them.  I was wondering how to handle this.  I don't want to force the conversation elsewhere but I find that I'm silent most of the time.  If you're married or have kids or both, is it hard on your end to talk to your single friends?  Or am I just a third wheel and no one has the heart to tell me?  Have you felt this way?

 

[Alex]

Yes, this does happen and while you can stay friends, you should prepare yourself for things that may lead to a change. Many of my friends with children have moved on and made friends with those who have children or the school run, and the friendships changed.


I was still the aunt that helped out, but it wasn't the same and I drifted away from my best friend when the third child came along. Her life had changed and so did the people she wanted in her life. It was hard to accept, and to see her being friendly to other people who were mothers, but we read about it, and it does happen.


They have different priorities, and it's a natural progression. I mourn my old friendships, but it's okay as I have good memories. True friends are around whatever, and sometimes people need to follow their own path. They will have more routines and work around the children's timetable, for instance a friend said I can come and visit, but the dates they are available when the children don't have an activity are random. I have to book several months in advance, and if they are sick at the time (as was the case) it gets canceled. I have to respect that and just let it go, and work around things.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

I think that the problem with me is not the dact of feeling separated from my friends, because they are really similar to me in almost every aspect of our lives, and I hope that this never changes! But I find it difficult to socialize with other people from my age...most of them are party monsters and all their life is surrounded by alcohol and parties in general and sometimes that's the only thing that they have to say, and it's extremely boring to me... and that makes me feel like something is bad with me or just separated from them in general, but it's not something that it's really affecting me, most of the time, we choose the life that we want to live. 

 

[amy88]

I have definitely had moments where I felt that way - but now as a parent myself I guess my life is pretty focused on being a mom and stuff that it kind of dominates my conversation! Not that I don't ask how my friends without kids are doing, it's just when they ask me about how I am the conversation is mainly focused on my child and that's what I have to talk about.


Some people aren't very sensitive though when they start a family and have a tendency to forget about their single friends - that's not cool

 

[Alexandoy]

My case is somewhere different.  My routine is work and home. I seem to be avoiding my friends because I feel more comfortable at home with my wife.  Most of my friends are drinkers and they drink after work.  I don't enjoy drinking so it's not their fault.

 

[tyche]

I guess if you're starting to feel that you're being left behind already, then there's really not much that you can do but either grin and bear the "boring conversations", or you just try to find other friends that you have more in common with. You certainly don't have to change your lifestyle just to be able to keep up with them, because that would be irrational. The best solution is to find new friends that have the same lifestyle as you so that you will be able to relate to the conversations.

 

[Jasmin Cottontail]

I'm glad I am not the only one who experience the same thing. Ever since I work from home, I felt that my social life is being taken away from me. I don't go out to hang out with friends, which I normally do even when I was still working from an office. Plus the mainstream conversations makes me feel dumb and uninterested anymore, it's like I'm not learning anything new that's why I'd rather work and do some research at least I am learning something. Well perhaps I don't have plenty of friends to begin with so I guess it's fine

 

[pwarbi]

While it might be hard to imagine, I think that we all go through that experience in our lives and we just have to deal with it, although it's easier said than done. For a lot of people, we make the majority of our friends when we are younger so as peoples lives change, that person changes as well. People find new jobs, get married, have children, and often we might feel that we are getting left behind but we have to concentrate on our own lives, rather than looking at other peoples.


We are going to become detached somewhat from people we know, but that doesn't mean that they aren't still friends. What happens a lot is that people drift apart, but that's up to us to not let that happen. These days with the amount of technology we have available at our fingertips, it's easier than ever to keep in touch with people and just because we may not see people face to face as much as we used to, there's no reason why we can't pickup a phone or send a message.