Feeling Overwhelmed

[LovelyLiz]

Does anyone else ever feel totally overwhelmed by their various anxieties? My main problem is social anxiety, and letting friendships drift because I'm not sure what to say to people I feel awkward about. But I also feel convinced that I'm going to mess up the things I have responsibility for at work, that I'll always be too afraid to make the most of my life...


How do people deal with a variety of anxieties?

 

[Alex]

There is no simple answer, I think we all have good days and days where we think "How much more?" I do feel at times this is down to how society has evolved and has pressurized us into unrealistic standards. I was afraid of losing my friends when I went abroad and traveled and some did drift away, but I knew deep down that it shouldn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Plans and how we wish things to turn out don't always happen, and the worst case is you end up with a handful of true friends and make new ones.


As for work, I read an article which did hit the mark where most people felt they were frauds in their jobs and they would be caught out. The expectations these days can be high, and nearly everyone is trying to do more than they ought to be. You do the best you can and that's all you can do. No one is perfect.

 

[Sue]

I know how you feel. I often feel overwhelmed various times. I don't have a lot of friends because I figure eventually I will mess things up and our friendship will end so I don't allow myself to get too close to people. I never know what to say and have a hard time holding a conversation. Like Alex said we all have our good and bad days. Some days we just overthink things and it causes more anxiety. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it myself so I can't really give you any advice but I look forward to what others may have to say. I just get through those days the best I can and hope that the next day will be a better one.

 

[LovelyLiz]

Thanks guys. I think the feeling you're referring to Alex is called 'imposter syndrome', or something like that. I suppose it's not that unusual unfortunately - I think the key is to have the support structures in place to get through the period of being overwhelmed, and back to better days...

 

[Laura127]

The lack of friendships due to the fear of messing things up is my biggest challenge right now. I "know" I'm going to offend someone, screw something up, or drop the ball and disappoint everyone around me. After all, there's "something wrong" with me, been hearing that since I was 14 (I'm 50 now). It's isolating and it's a vicious cycle because I know social contact is important for depression, but sometimes I'm afraid to order a pizza because I don't want to "bother" the person on the other end of the phone. Of course, strongly connected to my depression is a serious case of Reactive Attachment Disorder, so... human interaction is scary stuff.

 

[thecorinthian]

I do feel overwhelmed at work sometimes but I remember to take a break once in a while and drink a cup of tea. I do look back at all the times I think I made a bad decision in life and feel overwhelmed and stressed in the present. I think it's more about my deep insecurities than anxiety.

 

[sidney]

Yes I was like that in the past, but it seems to have subsided completely nowadays. I really don't get bothered by how people think of me as compared to when I was younger, so it did me a lot of good. I feel no pressure from people now because I don't care what they will think of me.

 

[gracer]

Timely I came into this thread because I have been thinking of a way to express my feelings today. Yes, I felt overwhelming anxiety again today because of what seems to be just a simple stressor but thinking about it just made me feel so swallowed by anxiety. I was feeling anxious for days because my laundry has been piling up but I couldn't wash them because of continuous rains. I planned to wash them all this morning because the sun was somehow peeking yesterday afternoon but to my dismay, the rain poured hard again. Because of that, I was really feeling so stressed especially knowing that I had a lot of errands to do and there's this one task that I just can't seem to finish right now.


Anxiety and its various forms could be so overwhelming that it can be really crippling and maddening. Anyway, thank you for creating this thread. I somehow feel a bit lighter by being able to bring out my frustrations.

 

[LovelyLiz]

Gracer - glad I could help!


Laura127 - there's "something wrong" with most people, whether they have a mental illness or not. For example, a friend who suffers from anxiety, low self-esteem and a few other things has been told she's a 'crazy bitch' or the equivalent by controlling boyfriends several times. But I'd much rather spend time with her - nutty and complicated as she is - than some of the arseholes she's dated. Guys who, mental health-wise are totally fine, but have acted in a manipulative manner, or been emotionally abusive.


There's "something wrong" with most humans, but in the grand scheme of things, there's probably not that much wrong with you.

 

[djordjem87]

As I mentioned probably before, I help myself with music usually and sport. I also like to write and to sit in the dark all alone. Yoga is one of the best recent things that I have discovered and I practice it almost everyday. It is very relaxing and good for my nervous system. The most overwhelming thing for me is piling of the bills and lack of money in combination of course. When this happens I really feel bad and I can't do much about my mood at that time. Me being alone with no sound from those who deliver the bad news is probably the best cure for me but that is rare as it gets.

 

[Laura127]

Gracer - glad I could help!
Laura127 - there's "something wrong" with most people, whether they have a mental illness or not. For example, a friend who suffers from anxiety, low self-esteem and a few other things has been told she's a 'crazy bitch' or the equivalent by controlling boyfriends several times. But I'd much rather spend time with her - nutty and complicated as she is - than some of the arseholes she's dated. Guys who, mental health-wise are totally fine, but have acted in a manipulative manner, or been emotionally abusive.


There's "something wrong" with most humans, but in the grand scheme of things, there's probably not that much wrong with you.

LovelyLiz, what a wonderful thing to say! Thank you. Although, respectfully, I believe there is something very wrong with men who abuse women. I don't think anyone can be "totally fine" in the mental health department and be manipulative or abusive, emotionally or otherwise. People usually berate and abuse others to cover their own perceived short comings and insecurities. I think that's why self assurance and confidence are such attractive qualities to most people. Meet a guy who has a problem with your super confident, totally together friend ? RUN because there's a reason he detests what everyone else admires. My observations at least.

 

[LovelyLiz]

Gracer - glad I could help!
Laura127 - there's "something wrong" with most people, whether they have a mental illness or not. For example, a friend who suffers from anxiety, low self-esteem and a few other things has been told she's a 'crazy bitch' or the equivalent by controlling boyfriends several times. But I'd much rather spend time with her - nutty and complicated as she is - than some of the arseholes she's dated. Guys who, mental health-wise are totally fine, but have acted in a manipulative manner, or been emotionally abusive.


There's "something wrong" with most humans, but in the grand scheme of things, there's probably not that much wrong with you.

I agree totally Laura. I was using the term "something wrong" in the sense that you seem to be using it in your opening post - to refer to a diagnosed/diagnosable mental health condition. We could easily extend that out to include people with physical health conditions - bad backs, Chrons disease, cancer. Each of those will have an impact on the quality of life for not just the individual, but for people around them. That doesn't mean that people with those conditions are undeserving of love, and the same applies to people with mental health conditions.

 

[pnx626]

For me keeping in contact with people is the hardest. I have so much anxiety when it comes to taking to people, and the longer I wait to talk to them the more it mounts until I'm sure they're going to hate me for taking so long to respond. It's helped me by pushing myself to reply to everyone or send a message to my closest friends daily to get it out of the way before my anxiety mounts, then people will respond to me and start a conversation which makes me feel appreciated.


The worst though is having to make official calls or emails. It once almost became a huge problem for me because I put off calling my gas company to set up my bill for so long I was worried I'd have to start paying late fees. It ended up okay but it could have been bad.

 

[Dylan]

I have struggled with the same thing most of my life, I've never really had long-term friendships because I would assume after a while I annoyed them. I think the way I was able to overcome this and get the small friend group I have is by seeking professional help, and also being open with my friends. My friends pretty much know everything about me, and that sort of helps me not worry about the, judging me. While it did take me a long time to get to the point that I risked it, it has led to the closest friendships I have ever had.


I know the thought can be scary, but if you have been friends with someone for a while, open up to them about something they don't know. They will most likely appreciate the fact that you trust them so much, or if they don't, then they may not be the friend for you.

 

[LovelyLiz]

I definitely feel the same way - friendships can be difficult to maintain when I'm obsessing over what the other person thinks. It can take bravery to take those risks, and there's definite times when i don't feel brave enough to keep going. I think it's important to keep an eye on the reasons to keep going when I'm overwhelmed though.

 

[John Snort]

There are no guarantees that anxiety can be overcome permanently. Even after treatment there might be a relapse. What works best therefore is knowing how to deal with anxiety when you feel anxious (about anything). In order to do that you need to figure out what the triggers of your anxiety are and once you do, it will be relatively easy to find ways to manage anxiety and prevent anxiety attacks before they hit you.

 

[katelynwiersma]

I know what you mean!! I have definitely struggled with keeping close friendships. My anxiety tells me to not go out and to push people away. Sometimes I need space and don't feel up to a friend date. Other times I push myself to go out. I think that the best thing you could do is be honest. When I don't feel up to going out with friends due to anxiety, that's what I'll tell them. They're always super understanding and sweet.

 

[LovelyLiz]

It can take bravery to be honest with friends about our weaknesses, but I find that it helps deepen a friendship when I let them in and trust them with my vulnerable side. And it's better to be honest and let them know that you couldn't make it because you weren't feeling up to it, than having them think that you keep snubbing them because you don't care about them.

 

[Ashley0323]

Yes I can relate to this. I am raising three toddlers, and I work from home, plus I am homeschooling one of my daughters. If I get stressed about bills or finances or when I am feeling "down", I get overwhelmed fast. When I get to feeling this way, super overwhelmed, I just feel tired all the time. My mind is going max speed and cant keep up and I just want to sleep.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

I have had many relationships which have ended. Strangely, I have never regretted that those relationships ended. I take the attitude that not everyone travels along the same road together forever. At some point or other, we come to crossroads and each of us chooses our own way. Sometimes, we may still continue together on the same road. At other times, we each go our own way. I always think that I should not stop anyone from going their own way because I, myself, do not like anyone to drag me along on a way of life which is not my choice.