Feeling Lost

[Twinkie Moon]

Excuse my large number of threads in such a short time of being here, but I have years keeping these feelings bottled to myself and I finally found the courage and right forum to talk about it (thank you)!

Anyways, it's been over a month I've just been feeling "in the blues" and I haven't felt happy on my own. Sure, I can listen to music to reach that zen or maybe something made me laugh so hard as to almost pee myself, but it only lasts as long as whatever I'm doing. Then I go back to just existing.

I've told before I'm in a speech class; my teacher commented on how little facial emotion I put out when I'm doing a speech. I always thought my facial expressions were fine!

Since then I've been noticing how much of a pokerface I actually have. Even when I'm "happy" I just make a quick smile and drop again. Either I'm neutral or bawling my eyes out from anxiety.

I feel like I have no passion for life or anything I do and actually have suicidal thoughts, though I've never acted upon them, mainly because of how ridiculous and unreal they are. Plus I believe it's selfish.

 

[Peacelily]

Hi Twinkie glad we had a chance to connect via the chatroom feature here earlier this evening. I just got home and saw this posting. I know how you feel...fluctuating between neutral/fine or feeling really anxious about life, because I feel that way too sometimes.

My suggestion would be to see your doctor to see if you're not anemic, or hypo/hyperthyroid or something like that before you consider going on an antidepressant. Sometimes, as I've found out myself, other conditions can cause our anxiety symptoms. I posted about those other conditions in another poster's thread.

Something i recently discovered and am now doing for myself, which I believe will make a HUGE difference with my anxiety are two things: a women's support group for anxiety AND a separate art therapy class. I highly recommend art therapy as a way to destress in a therapeutic setting doing something creative with others who also suffer from anxiety. I've only attended one session of painting, and it was really good for me. The women's support group only lasts 6 weeks, but I am confident it will help me. If you can, try to seek out a support group on your campus or ask a campus counselor to help you locate one you can attend in your community. Getting support from others who understand what we're going is really helpful.

 

[janemariesayed]

@Peacelily is so right. Art is very therapeutic and going to a class means that you will meet other people as well. It also means that you can attend the class as a singleton and not get looked at funny.

 

[Claraviolet]

Well, emotions are something we feel. We can't just put on a smile, when we don't feel like doing it. If we are doing it out of compulsion, it loses the meaning.
Right now, my life is a mess. I have been putting on a fake smile for months now and I have been having suicidal thoughts too. Then again, even though those thoughts are selfish, we can't help when they enter our thoughts. It's okay to feel lost. That's what I have been telling to myself. Otherwise, we would end up hating oneself. So, accept the fact that you don't feel all the happy emotions, all the time.
As we have finally accepted ourselves, it's time to always engage with something we like. Try to listen to music(or something you like) all the time. You don't have to hold back yourself when it comes to doing things, that you like. Talk to others more and interact more with the world.

 

[LostMyWay]

I've spent years bottling up how I really feel, and it's just made everything so much worse. I can try and enjoy doing things, but just as you said it only lasts for as long as I do it then it's right back to feeling empty inside. I think more than anything I can relate to where you said you have no passion for life or anything that you do because it's the same way for me. It's like nothing matters, and so I have a hard time really wanting or even trying to do things. I too have suicidal thoughts, but also never act upon them.

So I can relate a lot to what you said, and I wish I could give some advice to help but so far nothing has helped me so I'm not sure what advice I could give. I could sit here and tell you to try this or try that, but I know how hard it can be to even do things at times so I won't try and push that sort of thing on you. I guess if I were to give any advice it would be to keep doing those things you like, even if it only brings temporary enjoyment you might as well do the things that do bring you joy.

Believe me I know what it's like to feel lost, and it's a horrible feeling. I'm not a very social person and struggle a lot talking to people due to my problems, but if you ever need someone to talk to you can message me and I will at least try and lend an ear.