Feeling lost and anxious

[XmasCarol52]

I am new here so please bear with me.I feel so lost I really don't know what to do with myself I mean I do one thing I lose interest in, that then I try something else I feel so depressed and anxious.All I want to do is sleep.I just feel so lost. I miss my husband who passed away 12 years ago and weekends hit me really hard.He use to take me places on the weekends ,like we use to go to our Marina which I loved just sat there had a coffee and watched the boats and people walking by. It was such a relaxing place to be.I think of that place all of the time. Since I am home bound I cant go anywhere,so when I do get upset I try to do vertual spelling therapy like closing my eyes lay down relax and think of something that makes me happy like going to the beach walking through the water, and sand or just sitting down at the marina. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't .I absolutely love the ocean,Sorry I talk so much but I am so lonely,Weekends are the worst.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I am so anxious I am thinking i will go and crochet.sorry to be a bother

 

[XmasCarol52]

Goodnight I hope everyone is okay

 

[XmasCarol52]

I am hoping my friend will join

 

[janemariesayed]

What a shame that you are housebound @XmasCarol52 as it would have been fantastic therapy for you to go to the marina like you used to with your Husband. You say you are hoping your friend will join this forum, I hope so too as it is a great place to get support I have found. Can your friend go with you to the marina? Could they help assist you to get there, if you chat about it with them you may find a way to do it. Do you have a mobile chair at all? I'm sorry I don't know your predicament and I think it is a real shame that you can't get out. That really can't help with your depression at all.

Please don't feel lonely, you are amongst good friends here.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Unfortunately the friend I am trying to get to join lives out of my state.She is a great friend and person though,We met on another forum about 7 years ago ,the forum went under over a year ago.However we do email each other ever day.I don't know what I would do without her.I have a walker and every time I get up to walk i have a fear of falling.Maybe because when I had that fall way back in 2004 it was not only bad but awful.I miss my hubby so much and this past year my dad and my cousin who I was close to passed away in about only three months time. My mom is 90 but I cannot talk to her because she just doesn't get it. I just want to be a good person and help people. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[janemariesayed]

That must have been awful for you to have lost your Dad, and your Cousin so very close to each other. You sound like a good person @XmasCarol52 by wanting to help people. I understand about your Mum maybe not understanding you. I could say to you to try talking to her but you know her better than me! It sounds like you have a really good friend there too. I have a friend who I met on a forum that I used to run about Ancient Egypt. Now we chat on Facebook and his wife has even friended me and we send each other a lot of messages. The net has been wonderful for making new friends.

 

[XmasCarol52]

It was so hard considering my cousin was only 64 when she passed.and my dad we all expected it because all he would do is sleep and stay in bed all day long and my mother would have to take care of him.but now all she ever talks about is how she wishes god would take her sad I know but hearing that every single day is making me feel so down and depressed other family members are also tired of hearing it,we do feel for her I know how it feels to lose a husband but give it a rest.It also gets others depressed and upset to ,sometimes she talks about suicide ugh I tell her we all need her. MY friend Ellen is so very nice we hit it off the minute we wrote to each other.I knew I would like her by her posts and responds to me..

 

[Alex]

I do hope you are feeling less anxious, and it's hard to say the right thing except that others have been through similar situations and we do cope and survive. Lats year my father nearly died, and it was a wake up call for all, but we need to accept death happens.

My father had an emergency operation and they told him that would give him 7 years more maximum. In some ways he shouldn't be here, so my parents are grateful for my being around to help. Perhaps try and think about what your husband would like to see you do? Maybe write some memoirs of the places you went to and make it into an album with photos?

 

[janemariesayed]

That's a really good idea @Alex. Gather all the lovely memories you have of your husband and make it into an album. Just think of all the lovely evenings you will have @XmasCarol52 looking over your beautiful memories. It's a lovely way too, to organise your memories, and feelings and making an album will help to put them all into place.

 

[Carmen Lorenzo]

I'd like you to know that there is a simple exercise to do that can help you. All you have to do is squeeze your hands really tight and remember that's what anxiety feels like. It's a tense sensation, then squeeze it tightly for a few minutes. Notice how tense it feels. Then release your hands and focus on the sensation of the great relief your finally feeling. When we have anxiety, we forget what it feels like to feel peaceful and that exercise will absolutely help you focus on the feeling of peace.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Thank you all for such wonderful ideas. I have been writing a journal for my grand kid so when I do pass away they will get to read it and see how much they were loved not only by me but there dad.In it I talk a lot about Bob my late husband because he never got a chance to meat his grandchildren.What he liked and me to of course,I remember doing this exercise to with my hands when I was recovering from my fall .I had a therapists come in once a week to see me I can remember her telling to relax take a deep breathe and then to tighten up my fist but my entire body count to about 20-30 seconds it should relax you some i did help ,I have these chair exercises I do everyday because I cannot walk all that well anymore.Since I am 64 .that is from the fall though back in 2004,It take about 20 minutes to do them I can do about 800 a day because I do it about three times in a day. Sometimes when it feels like my legs and ankles are anxious I do them,I also have restless leg syndrome.My motor skills are bad but I am trying to lose weight to. I fell her last year about this exact time nobody knew about it because it was like 3 am I landed and hit my face on the floor as if my face isn't bad enough lol No seriously I do thank you all for your ideas and help.ANy ideas how to control my yelling? Sometimes I can sometimes I cannot went I can I just sing....I have this terrible fear of losing things..

 

[XmasCarol52]

I feel for my mom she is 90 she took care of him every day but I think she has mental illness most like anxieties and depression cause all she ever does is yell at people she has done this her whole entire life.She makes me feel so stupid.I called her every day until my dad died and now that he is gone I still call her. It is sad because she wants to die now,I should know I hear it ever day ugh.I try to tell her she is needed here but nope she wants to go.How do you tell someone you don't want to hear about it every single day and sometimes 3- 4 times a day to,The talk of dying just puts to much stress on me..Anyway the thought of dying scares me.Although sometimes my life makes me feel like I am dead,Okay so today is Sat so Sat nights are very bad for me because my husband and I use to take nice long drives he would drive of course and we would get some dunkin donuts and sit down at the marina sometimes we would go there twice once for breakfast and at night,I love watching the boats and the people walking around fishing.You cannot go swimming but it is still nice to look out into the water it seems to have a calming affect on me. I can almost see us sitting there.I love the smell of summer air at night.I love beautiful things I guess that is why I love the Marina so much.It is also a park.I wish Bob was here it might not seem like much but just going for a ride to the marina meant a lot to me. He always helped me when I needed it despite the fact he was ill himself and I know had he lived he would be here for me right now.

 

[XmasCarol52]

my friend has joined but she hasnt gotten her approval yet ,how does she go about doing that?

 

[Ellen]

Hi Carol....looks like I am in!! But with my terrible cold tonight, I am not going to poke around here - perhaps tomorrow...I am going to bed soon. But this forum looks like a very nice place!

 

[XmasCarol52]

Hi Ellen so glad you came,i do hope that you are feeling better and I like it here so far.