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Feeling In Control

Thread starter #1
What makes you feel in control? A lot of things in my life are out of my control to fix right now. It's difficult to talk about, because people who've never been in the situation don't understand. They suggest things I've tried, or am unable to do/try. In years past, I was able to take control of just about any situation I encountered and fix it in one way or another, but my ability to do so is limited right now. However, there are always a few things I can control. One way I can trick myself into feeling more in control is to make lists and check off things as I complete them, which gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I am also working on decluttering my work space right now, and best of all, I've been able to do so by selling some old books, DVDs and CDs. This has not only given me a sense of accomplishment, it's also brought in a little money. I still have some more to go through, and hopefully will be able to sell some of those. So far, I have made about $70. I don't like throwing out anything that still has life left in it, so by selling, giving away or even donating those items, I feel as if I'm making a difference and keeping items out of the landfills, and in some cases, helping people out. I moved some things around here in the office yesterday, and am very happy with how it looks right now. There's still a lot to be done, but I can see visible progress over what it looked like a few months ago, which makes me happy. 

What makes you feel in control? Are there specific things that have helped you to feel in control in the past? Sharing ideas here can help us to increase our arsenals of coping techniques. 

John Snort

Junior Member
Planning my day makes me feel in control. That's what I always do each evening. I plan what I'll do the next day. Getting the things I have planned done makes me feel that I am in control. At the very least when the day is over it won't feel like it was wasted. For other things that I can't control, I just simply do them knowing there's only a 50% chance of success. It's not that I'm not an optimist but it helps because fewer things make anxious as I can accept any outcome positive or negative.


Senior Member
There things that we feel we can't control, but actually we can, and things that we want to control and never can! I like to control my environment as much as possible. so that means avoiding people I don't wish to interact with (in real life and online) and being in places I don't wish to be in. If I have to go, then I brace myself and get it over and done with as soon as possible, but only if there is no choice.

That's one reason why I have struggled with being an employee when I have been told to do things that are against my principles and that were questionable. I also only answer phones and respond to email when I want to. Some people are very difficult and I lost one job as the agent wanted a response that day, and I did respond but later in the day. I don't regret not responding earlier because the agent had an agenda and didn't like me anyhow, but I wasn't going to be controlled due to her disorganized behavior.
Funny enough... realizing what I cannot control. Being able to realize the things I need to let go of and let work themselves out means I can concentrate more on the things that I can control and helps reduce my stress. It's hard when you are a perfectionist/workaholic, but that comes from anxiety and an early lack of stability in my life. Learning to let go of what I can't control is my ultimate life lesson.


Junior Member
I feel in control when i am accomplishing my goals.  When I can't complete list, I start stressing becasue it will have to go on the list for tomorro which puts me behind .  But that illustion of control is fleeting at best.  On some level, I know that I'm to some degree helpless because life will keep giving me more problems outside of my control.  Accepting this fact allows to control my reaction when hardships come.
I feel in control when I feel my decisions are strictly coming from me. I don't want people trying to pressure me into doing something even if I already want to do it. 

I had this one forklift job and there was something in the rack that was hard to get down so I called for my lead, and he tried to pressure me into forcing out of the rack knowing there was a good chance that everything else up there was going to come tumbling down, I didn't feel in control of my actions at that moment until I was like '**** this guy, I'm not loosing my job for his ass'. Boom back in control.
I don't really feel much control in anything  that does contribute a lot to my anxiety, I think. Sometimes I feel I can't even control myself, but what I do appreciate about me is that at the very least I think I have some form of control over my mental state because I often feel if I even had just a little bit less awareness than I do now then I might have already gone to the deep end and may never have been able to come back, but despite everything I've already gone through I am thankful that I can at least have some sort of control over my mentality and emotions, albeit I feel it is still lacking. 
Thread starter #8
I worked a job before where the supervisor expected us to respond to phone calls within a 10-minute time frame. We got along and didn't go head to head much, but I refused to do that. The job involved seeing clients in their homes and driving from one end of the city to the other. A lot of time was spent in the car, and I refuse to use my phone when I'm driving. If possible, I would pull over and answer the calls, or pull over and call back within that time frame, but that wasn't usually possible, especially when I was on the highway, stuck in traffic. The issue arose several times, and I was 'talked to' about it, but I simply told the supervisor repeatedly that I wasn't going to endanger myself or others by being distracted by the phone while driving. I also told her that the agency should change the policy, because it endangered the employees, as well as others on the road, but they didn't change that policy, at least while I was working there. 
I like making list to help myself out and even planning journals so to speak. I have been watching a lot of "Plan with me" videos on Youtube for ideas and tips in this area and what I have read has helped a bit. Sometimes if I don't feel like writing it down I just send myself  wake up email of task that must be done. I like you DO NOT use my phone while driving. My best friend actually got a fine a few years ago and even lost his license temporarily! Because he was on his cellphone and he still does it, it makes me cringe but not my business. I will sometimes answer the phone while driving but I tell everyone the same thing, leave a damn message! That is is why I am paying extra for the voicemail service.