Feel like I annoy everyone around me

[Howlingvapor]

So lately as a result of making a lot of progress with my mental health I’ve been feeling more sociable with my family. However every time I talk to them I feel like they’re just smiling and nodding so they don’t seem rude. Maybe it’s because I have a tendency to ramble and overshare or maybe it’s just because I’m all around worthless and unpleasant, I’m not sure. But for whatever reason I just feel like after essentially avoiding any contact with people who live in the same house as me for months on end after that bad breakup I had, my family would really enjoy having me out in the living room more just talking to them, but I feel like they ignore me and try to get out of the conversation ASAP. Maybe I’m just paranoid or something, but It’s hurting my self esteem a lot.

Truthfully I always have this lingering fear in the back of my mind that I’m that one friend everyone has that’s super annoying and socially inept, but you just keep being friends with them and letting them hangout because you feel sorry for them. I just hate the idea of being a social burden to someone because they feel like I won’t have any friends otherwise. I always feel like any time someone says they like me, whether it’s romantically or as a friend, I just feel as though they’re lying to me so that I feel better about myself. I guess my brain just can’t comprehend the idea of another person genuinely enjoying my company and wanting to talk to me. I try to think positively about myself, but it’s hard, it’s so freakin hard. Growing up I was picked on a lot and often laughed at whenever I tried to do anything unique or interesting, and eventually I learned that if I assume the worst of myself and others I’ll never be disappointed. The only problem with that is I’ve essentially programmed myself to assume I’m worthless and anything I say or do people will hate. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? How do you develop a positive self image when no matter how well you’re doing in life you feel worthless?


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[Cuchculan]

Really this is just in your own mind. That you are that one person. The one person nobody wants around. The pity party kid that people let hang on because they feel sorry for him. But really you don't know this for certain. You are looking for signs in other people that you are this person. You pick up on what others do and think it is something aimed at you. When really it is just how that person . people act as a rule. In other words you are seeing things that are not really there. You don't really trust people in full. You assume they are looking for faults in you, when you are really looking for faults in them. Vicious cycle. You look at them, thinking they are looking at you.

 

[Trying123]

Unfortunately, I believe we can learn to be helpless and expect rejection. We can also unlearn these beliefs but it will take time and effort. Have you tried therapy? My therapist helps me to challenge negative beliefs about myself. I also keep a journal so I can write down accomplishments big and small. Affirmations help too. We are all unique and this is a good thing. I am sure your family recognizes and appreciate your progress. Hope you feel better soon.