Fear of Romantic Love

[Kelculator]

I am only 19 years old but I just had my first ever serious date with a woman I really like. My brain keeps feeding me information such as "What if you guys broke up?" "What if she's the best I can ever get but then she leaves me?" "What if she's fed up with someone that's plagued by anxiety?"
I have always dreamed of marriage and children since I was a little kid, so these dreadful fears really affect me. I'm really scared of being vulnerable in a relationship, and I keep telling myself that in 10 years I'd almost be 30, and that's an age people associate with married women. This fear is magnified by the fact that I'm a woman that only enjoys the company of other woman, which in my brain sounds like "You're doomed because your chances are even smaller!"
What do I do?

 

[Cuchculan]

Read this topic.

https://www.anxietycommunity.com/index.php?threads/does-anyone-else-try-to-sabotage-their-relationship-when-down.10915/#post-81174

 

[Jonathan123]

Whether its sex, relationships, a job, marriage or whatever anxiety can cause problems. Suffering from apprehension is not confined to relationships. If the person you love loves you there should be no barrier to understanding. Love, real unconditional love, has no limitations. In the marriage ceremony are the words 'In sickness and in health', but how many live up to that? When we enter a relationship we accept our partner warts and all. No one is ever perfect. If we look for perfection we are doomed to disappointment. The fact that you enjoy the company of women is irrelevant. Love is love, whether between either sex or the same sex. There are no genders in true love. At your age you have plenty of time to come to terms with how you feel about your sexuality. Talk to your friend about how you feel. Discussing these things in the open can take a lot of the anxiety out of it.

 

[Kelculator]

Whether its sex, relationships, a job, marriage or whatever anxiety can cause problems. Suffering from apprehension is not confined to relationships. If the person you love loves you there should be no barrier to understanding. Love, real unconditional love, has no limitations. In the marriage ceremony are the words 'In sickness and in health', but how many live up to that? When we enter a relationship we accept our partner warts and all. No one is ever perfect. If we look for perfection we are doomed to disappointment. The fact that you enjoy the company of women is irrelevant. Love is love, whether between either sex or the same sex. There are no genders in true love. At your age you have plenty of time to come to terms with how you feel about your sexuality. Talk to your friend about how you feel. Discussing these things in the open can take a lot of the anxiety out of it.

My anxiety keeps telling me that the fact that I'm into only women just makes my chances of finding love even smaller. I understand that it is a normal thing, but I don't like that statistically speaking I have a smaller dating pool.

 

[Jonathan123]

My anxiety keeps telling me that the fact that I'm into only women just makes my chances of finding love even smaller. I understand that it is a normal thing, but I don't like that statistically speaking I have a smaller dating pool.

I am not with you on that one. There are as many women about as men, and many kind and loving ones. Your chances of finding a partner are no more or less than anyone else. But they won't come to you. You already have a friend who you seem attached to. Why not give it a go with her. Remember, it's a two way thing. Give and take must be in equal proportions.

 

[Doug97]

Have you tried a same-sex dating app? Bet there's lots on there.

 

[Kelculator]

Have you tried a same-sex dating app? Bet there's lots on there.

Dating apps is a good idea, but the execution is a bit... Hmm. People don't seem to connect well on there, it's usually a "hi" and "bye" convo. But every once in a while you hit jackpot--- that's like, five women out of 100 though. I'll try that again (reluctantly) if it really comes to that. Let's hope not!

I am not with you on that one. There are as many women about as men, and many kind and loving ones. Your chances of finding a partner are no more or less than anyone else. But they won't come to you. You already have a friend who you seem attached to. Why not give it a go with her. Remember, it's a two way thing. Give and take must be in equal proportions.

Thank you for the reassurance. Maybe I am thinking irrationally about this (because anxiety, ugh), and am thinking of the worst case scenarios-- what if we break up? And she breaks my heart or I break hers? But I guess it's not something I can avoid, right?

 

[Doug97]

I found my wife on a dating app ...

[edit] I mean I first met her using a dating app, not I discovered she's cheating on me!