Fear of intimacy

[x0xLikeMex0x]

Is that a picture of you in/on your avatar? If so, I don't think that you have to be concerned about ending up a lonely old lady with 10 cats. Even if you end up alone, that doesn't mean that you're going to be lonely. And besides, cats are cool.


Do you really feel that you don't have time for a relationship? Because that is a legitimate reason for not becoming involved in one. A relationship is a job, there's simply no getting around that fact, and some people don't want to take on that added responsibility.

Yep that is me on the picture. I know that I probably wouldn't have a problem finding a guy, but I guess I'm afraid of commitment?


The thing with not having time is that you always have time, when you take it. But I guess I don't take enough time for myself to deal with my own self. Always love yourself first, is what they say and I do believe in that. I guess, I haven't found myself yet, therefore I haven't accepted myself for the person I am. And I can't love myself if I haven't dealt with myself.


Cats are amazing

 

[Fae]

Handling discomfort with intimacy best depends on how that discomfort is arising and why. With my boyfriend, it took quite awhile to acclimate him to being touched and accepting/receiving hugs in a less awkward fashion as he hasn't experienced enough human touch for it to feel comfortable. It's currently still impossible to tickle him without him tensing up. For him, it's something he can get past with gradual acclimation over time.


If the aversion is to touch of various kinds when the relationships are more intense, it could help to slow things down and see if you acclimate better. And find a partner willing to actually slow down and work with you to accomplish the task.


It could also be good to reflect on how long you've been having the reactions and under what circumstances to see if there's an underlying trigger. There may be a traumatic episode or past history of being infrequently touched that could lead you to more effective countermeasures.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

It's possible that fear of intimacy can be traced to our upbringing. If our parents brought us up with lots of hugs and kisses, then we should find intimacy a very normal thing. I know there are people who cannot have a proper conversation without touching the person they are talking to every now and then. That's probably the way her family behaves. I don't do that because my parents were not that big on hugs and kisses.

 

[adamson2014]

I'm anxious about social interaction but when it comes to intimacy, it seems like I long for it. I like when people's skins and mine touch. I like touching people and I like being touched. Not in a sexual way, of course. But I'm socially anxious. What's wrong with me?

 

[fcuco]

I don't like people touching me. Of course what I want is the direct opposite I'm not not quite sure why this is. I have been close to people(girls I mean- I'm a bloke!) and had full on relationships I've just always felt uncomfortable.They tend to be very intense relationships when they happen so I guess that I'm afraid of things going awry and getting hurt. I don't really know. Anyone any ideas?

Well, this is obviously something that you need to fix because you are leaving a very important part of the equation out: the other person. Not every girl is going to understand this behavior of you as being a problem that you have and will interpret it as you being cold and distant because you are avoiding intimacy, this will start to eat out their confidence and could end up damaging their self esteem and self image, the other person involved will start to wonder if there is something wrong with them and most girls already have problems battling body image issues, you could exacerbate that.

Communication is key, just make sure to transmit this to your partner and assure them that it has nothing to do with them, not doing this could be very selfish and hurtful to the other person.

 

[Ashley0323]

I actually have been with my fiance for 8 years now. When we first got together, I was somewhat like this. Any kind of contact would get to me just a bit, just because it was new to me that I had someone who truely cared for me as a person, and was still trying to decide if he was in it for the long haul. Now, 8 years later, I am comfortable with him in every way. Though, any contact in the bedroom, the lights still have to be off! haha

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

I actually have been with my fiance for 8 years now. When we first got together, I was somewhat like this. Any kind of contact would get to me just a bit, just because it was new to me that I had someone who truely cared for me as a person, and was still trying to decide if he was in it for the long haul. Now, 8 years later, I am comfortable with him in every way. Though, any contact in the bedroom, the lights still have to be off! haha





 

Lights off in the bedroom? That's not such an odd thing. There are certain things which are more exciting when done in the dark. After all, you are not having an appointment with your gynaecologist.

 

[oportosanto]

Well, this is obviously something that you need to fix because you are leaving a very important part of the equation out: the other person. Not every girl is going to understand this behavior of you as being a problem that you have and will interpret it as you being cold and distant because you are avoiding intimacy, this will start to eat out their confidence and could end up damaging their self esteem and self image, the other person involved will start to wonder if there is something wrong with them and most girls already have problems battling body image issues, you could exacerbate that.

Communication is key, just make sure to transmit this to your partner and assure them that it has nothing to do with them, not doing this could be very selfish and hurtful to the other person.

That is so true, we need to communicate because we cannot guess what's in other people's heads. When we speak, when we share our emotions and our concerns fear of intimacy starts to fade and we start to open ourselves to the person we are sharing our life with.

 

[mauricioq]

Ok I can see your point, in my case I like intimacy but with very few people. I don't like people touching me out of nowhere, it's probably because of the anxiety, I'm sure. So, the only time I like being intimate if i'm alone with a person that I really, really like.

 

[janemariesayed]

I'm having this problem too. I'm female and have been married twice and had intimate relations with men, but even though I want to be in a relationship again, I can't bring myself to get involved. It may be that I don['t want to get hurt, or it may be that I like my own company. When I think about getting involved again, I then remember that I would be expected to be intimate with them and that makes me hold back.

 

[kgord]

I think this is kind of a common phobia. My sister has never been into being touched either, although she does kind of like hugs now that she is older. I grew up in a  reserved family where touching was not the norm. I knew my family loved me, but physical affection was not shown very often, so when you don't grow up with it, it is kind of hard to get accustomed to it, or give it other people.  I just think it is something that you can grow into doing though.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

I also hate people touching me, it makes me really uncomfortable and even sometimes I get scared and awkward because people don't know that is going on with me, lol. My friends actually have to say that they are going to touch me before doing it so I don't get scared, lol. 


I have no idea how am I going to manage myself when I have  a partner in the future, and that's really scary. 

 

[misszerable]

I grew up in a family which is very close figuratively and literally. My sisters and I would walk down the street holding each other's hands and I would be that way, too, with my close friends, all female. We feel comfortable sleeping beside our only brother then and even now. I never had issues with intimacy until I started working and felt that some guys actually think that they are irresistible and would try to touch me in a meaningful way. I showed my true colors once when a guy touched me on my elbow and I very loudly reprimanded him for that.

 

[CT422]

I think this is kind of a common phobia. My sister has never been into being touched either, although she does kind of like hugs now that she is older. I grew up in a  reserved family where touching was not the norm. I knew my family loved me, but physical affection was not shown very often, so when you don't grow up with it, it is kind of hard to get accustomed to it, or give it other people.  I just think it is something that you can grow into doing though.

My family is very similar to yours, we're not  really big on hugs or saying "I love you", but like any other family we know we care about each other. Unfortunately, it's made me a little weird about affection. I either show too much, too soon, or not enough. I also don't enjoy being touched by people I've just met, but I have a lot of friends who I am very affectionate with. I guess it just depends on how well I know someone, and how much my anxiety allows me to open up to them. 

 

[kgord]

All things being considered, I am not really into hugs that much, unless it is from my son or a romantic partner. I do hug my dad now though when I see him, because he is older. My mom is a different story. Friends I sometimes hugs and sometimes don't it depends on the circumstances. In general, I am kind of a stand offish person I think, because I am afraid of people, and because of the way I was raised. It is not right nor wrong, but if you can learn to enjoy hugs, I think it is better

 

[12345]

I realise this thread hasn't been active for a while but...

I think I may have a fear of intimacy also. I hate to be touched. Even by close family or friends- which i guess is weird for a girl. I can manage a few moments but if its longer i feel my skin crawling. If people stand too close to me i back up and back up. I haven't had a proper relationship (just bits of ones here and there) and when i go out on dates (rarely), all i do is look around worried someone i know will see us. (I mean really who is going to care??) . And also worried the guy will try to kiss me or touch me too early. I also never talk about feelings even with close friends. So i avoid by working and working instead.
Normal happy childhood.
Something wrong with me? Anyone know what to do about it?

 

[Rinka]

I felt and still feel similar to you. Only people that are really close to me are allowed to touch me. For me it’s partly to do with abuse in the childhood and I think I am on the Asperger spectrum.
You don’t need to be in the spectrum to feel like that though. Some people are more touchy feely then others.