Failed at therapy over and over

[sharing]

I suffer from extreme health anxiety and depression and have tried therapy multiple times. While it's been helpful when going, it seems to end in a bad way.

My last therapist dumped me via email telling me we had reached an impasse and he could no longer help me, this after a year and a half in which I thought I was making great progress. In our next to the last session he even commented that he thought I was doing well and he couldn't understand why previous therapists said they couldn't help me. No suggestions or help with what to do next, not even a "let's talk about it." I have no idea what went wrong. I can see a client dumping the therapist via email (not saying it's right, just saying I can see it happening) but it shouldn't happen the other way around.

An earlier therapist dumped me after 2 years, literally saying he didn't know what to do with me anymore. This one nearly put me over the edge as I was in an extreme depression. No help with referring me to someone else, just a "good luck."

And the one I saw after this guy, 15 minutes into our 4th session, shooed me away saying he can't help me. Not only did he offer no help with referring me to someone else but he charged me full price for the session (which I didn't pay!).

And another one gave me a week's notice at the very end of our session that he was leaving and we would only have one more session, no help with referrals.

Bless the one therapist who retired but before he did so, set me up to see someone he thought could help me (which happened to be #4 above) and after that appt sat down and talked with me about how that went and if I thought it was a good fit.

I'm left feeling that there is something terribly wrong with me and with no hope at all that I will ever be happy or even close to it. I know I need more therapy but I can't knowing this will probably happen again. It is extremely painful to be rejected like this. I'm not working at the time so I can't even afford it even if I could find someone helpful. I feel so defective, so terrible as if no one wants anything at all to do with me.

 

[Cuchculan]

Just from experience, we can go as far as is possible with some therapists. Have been there before. We done all the talking we could do. We were both repeating ourselves. Once that starts to happen you know it is time to call it a day. Or if you don't call it a day the therapist might suggest ending things. As in there is nothing else they can do.

Then we can have therapists we are not a match for. Have had that happen before too. Only takes a few sessions to find that one out. They know if they can help you or not. Would depend on what was wrong with you. How you reacted to the questions and their suggestions. Do get some folk who might be asked to do a bit of work away from the place they get therapy. Few never do the work. Come back with excuses. Thus a therapist would think such a person wasn't willing to put the work in.

Another thing that can happen is a person can simply want to talk the same stuff over and over again. Therapist might want to advance things along. Get off that one thing. Person still might just want to talk that one thing. Thus the therapist might see they can't help that person because that person is stuck on that one thing.

Let's be honest here. That is a lot of therapists to just drop you for no reason at all. There has to be something? Here are people who are trained to listen. To understand. To give feedback. Not just drop people straight away. As a rule it can take 6 sessions just to get settled in.

2 years is a long enough time for one therapist. I can understand that one. The other one simply felt there was nothing left to do. The repeating of things. I can understand that one too.

So what exactly were you talking about to the one who dumped you after only 4 sessions?

 

[MATD]

Do you take medication?

 

[sharing]

Just from experience, we can go as far as is possible with some therapists. Have been there before. We done all the talking we could do. We were both repeating ourselves. Once that starts to happen you know it is time to call it a day. Or if you don't call it a day the therapist might suggest ending things. As in there is nothing else they can do.

Then we can have therapists we are not a match for. Have had that happen before too. Only takes a few sessions to find that one out. They know if they can help you or not. Would depend on what was wrong with you. How you reacted to the questions and their suggestions. Do get some folk who might be asked to do a bit of work away from the place they get therapy. Few never do the work. Come back with excuses. Thus a therapist would think such a person wasn't willing to put the work in.

Another thing that can happen is a person can simply want to talk the same stuff over and over again. Therapist might want to advance things along. Get off that one thing. Person still might just want to talk that one thing. Thus the therapist might see they can't help that person because that person is stuck on that one thing.

Let's be honest here. That is a lot of therapists to just drop you for no reason at all. There has to be something? Here are people who are trained to listen. To understand. To give feedback. Not just drop people straight away. As a rule it can take 6 sessions just to get settled in.

2 years is a long enough time for one therapist. I can understand that one. The other one simply felt there was nothing left to do. The repeating of things. I can understand that one too.

So what exactly were you talking about to the one who dumped you after only 4 sessions?

I agree with what you are saying, sometimes for whatever reason things don't work out. But to be dropped via email with no warning at all is not right under the circumstances. Things were going well, I was getting positive feedback, my depression had lifted, I was doing the "homework." If a patient thinks things aren't going well in therapy they would be encouraged to talk about it. Likewise, if a therapist thought so, he/she should also talk about it and give feedback. I'm left feeling very hurt and alone and wondering what is so terrible about me that even therapists don't want to deal with me.

Do you take medication?

no

 

[Walking Circles]

Dropping you via E-Mail does sound a bit unprofessional. Sometimes therapists just don't work out, it's a process to find the right one.

You might consider something to help with the anxiety, I resisted medication for years so I understand hesitation. But eventually it gets to the point that you need that to shore you up while you work through things.

 

[Sweet T]

Did anyone suggest medication for you? We’re you resistant to changes they suggested?

Did you consider that the therapist may have had their own issues?

Just a thought.

 

[MATD]

For what it’s worth, maybe you should try a different approach to treating your anxiety. Therapy is one avenue for help, but there are other approaches that can be effective. For me, I realized I had to help myself as much if not more than the help my therapist provided. Therapy really isn’t designed to educate us on the anatomy of anxiety. It doesn’t help us understand why we have anxiety but is more focused on the manifestations, ie health anxiety. Talking about your fears is one thing, but understanding why you have them and what is causing them is at the root, which is seldom addressed. That’s why therapy is not my first choice of treatment for anxiety, but it is an important part for understanding the human imperfections that plague all of us. I’m recommending you go to anxietycentre.com to educate yourself on anxiety. Knowledge is a very useful tool. The site does charge a fee monthly or yearly. About $50 for a year with unlimited access. Well worth the money.

 

[Cuchculan]

Did you never ask question of the therapists? Like ' why are you dropping me '. Especially the one who dropped you via email. A quick email back might have told you why you were been dropped. So you could learn if there was a reason. If you made a mistake in anything you said or done. I would have been really curious. Wanted to find out.

 

[Cuchculan]

@Jonathan123 another one right up your alley.

 

[sharing]

Did anyone suggest medication for you? We’re you resistant to changes they suggested?

Did you consider that the therapist may have had their own issues?

Just a thought.

I was on an anti-depressant for a while and between that and therapy things improved. I'm no longer on one and don't want to go back on one, it was hard coming off it.
Therapists seem so "perfect" and mentally fit, they seem to have all the right answers, but I know in reality they aren't and have their own set of problems.

Did you never ask question of the therapists? Like ' why are you dropping me '. Especially the one who dropped you via email. A quick email back might have told you why you were been dropped. So you could learn if there was a reason. If you made a mistake in anything you said or done. I would have been really curious. Wanted to find out.

I was so pissed and hurt at the time that I couldn't even respond to his email. It was so final. It's been about 8 months since that email and I'm still trying to deal with it and get over the hurt. I haven't fallen back into my darkest depression and anxiety that I once was in and I'm thankful for that. Therapy did help me and gave me coping skills to get through this. I can only guess as to what went wrong in his mind. It has me so puzzled because things were going so well on my side and I thought they were on his. Even if I could afford therapy at this point I don't want it as I'm left with such a mistrust of therapists and fear that I would be dumped again.

 

[Jonathan123]

Did anyone suggest medication for you? We’re you resistant to changes they suggested?

Did you consider that the therapist may have had their own issues?

Just a thought.

And a very good thought too. We are all human and subject to anxiety at any time. In the NHS they have counsellors who do nothing but try and help doctors and nurses cope with the stress, and there sure is a lot of that. A counsellor can finish at the end of the day thoroughly exhausted.
I often wished I had a big box of magic wands to give out, but alas that's not how it works.
Can we see that this is a journey we are on? In some ways it is a privilege because we get to know ourselves as we never normally would. Anyone who recovers finishes up a better person for the experience. That's what I have found.

 

[derrickmyles]

I suffer from extreme health anxiety and depression and have tried therapy multiple times. While it's been helpful when going, it seems to end in a bad way.

My last therapist dumped me via email telling me we had reached an impasse and he could no longer help me, this after a year and a half in which I thought I was making great progress. In our next to the last session he even commented that he thought I was doing well and he couldn't understand why previous therapists said they couldn't help me. No suggestions or help with what to do next, not even a "let's talk about it." I have no idea what went wrong. I can see a client dumping the therapist via email (not saying it's right, just saying I can see it happening) but it shouldn't happen the other way around.

An earlier therapist dumped me after 2 years, literally saying he didn't know what to do with me anymore. This one nearly put me over the edge as I was in an extreme depression. No help with referring me to someone else, just a "good luck."

And the one I saw after this guy, 15 minutes into our 4th session, shooed me away saying he can't help me. Not only did he offer no help with referring me to someone else but he charged me full price for the session (which I didn't pay!).

And another one gave me a week's notice at the very end of our session that he was leaving and we would only have one more session, no help with referrals.

Bless the one therapist who retired but before he did so, set me up to see someone he thought could help me (which happened to be #4 above) and after that appt sat down and talked with me about how that went and if I thought it was a good fit.

I'm left feeling that there is something terribly wrong with me and with no hope at all that I will ever be happy or even close to it. I know I need more therapy but I can't knowing this will probably happen again. It is extremely painful to be rejected like this. I'm not working at the time so I can't even afford it even if I could find someone helpful. I feel so defective, so terrible as if no one wants anything at all to do with me.

Its sad to hear that you didn't find counseling/CBT/Therapy help. To me, it seemed very unlucky, your therapist fail to understand you and deal with your problem. yes, it depends on the conditions, but it depends on the therapist too. In my opinion, you should consult a professional medical expert at least therapy helped me to overcome my anxiety, I learn about my triggers and how to control them. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND A BEST therapist for, and yes do try coping strategies to live your life in a healthy way.