Drug Relapse/ Exhaustion/ Really scared

[JohnM]

I’m sorry to bother anyone, but I’ve never felt worse in my life and I need to say something to someone or I feel like i’ll lose my mind. For the past year I have been struggling with addiction to stimulants, and after a little over two months of sobriety I relapsed on adderall last Tuesday. I did it mostly because I was really worried about this persistent fatigue I’ve been feeling, and now it’s come back ten times worse now that I’ve quit the adderall again. I’m so terrified I have cancer or some other illness that will kill me. I feel like I’m being smothered by my own body and can hardly move. Work is almost impossible to get through. I got some blood work back last month and everything was normal except for a slightly elevated calcium level, so that’s got me worried about bone cancer. Not sure if they did a blood count. Anyway, I don’t really have a question, I’m just pathetically trying anything to make myself feel better. If anyone has any advice I’d very much appreciate it.

 

[Cuchculan]

First thing to do is to try and calm both your mind and body down. I see it as you had a setback. Something we all have from time to time. Because none of us a perfect. Obviously as you had been off the Adderall for a while, it will feel worse to take some and then not take any more after that. It is a bit like your mind playing games with you. Tempting you to take some more. But this is were you have to be strong. You know you made a mistake. There is no need to punish yourself for that mistake. It is over and done with. Your job now is to stay off the Adderall. That is punishment enough. The way you are now feeling as a result of taken some. Just try and stay strong. Those bad feelings will pass with time.

I am sure any form of cancer would have been picked up on. I always say, if in doubt, pay another visit to your GP and tell him / her how you are feeling and get them to send you for a test. This way you will know once and for all. I am doubting you have anything like that to begin with. But I don't have to live your life. I don't have to have the thoughts and the feelings you are having. For you all that is real. Will it stop by itself? Can you stop it? Some people can. They reason with themselves. The odds on it and the likes. For others they are not happy until they are checked out. Case of which type of person are you? You might need a test to put your mind at ease. Nothing wrong with that at all. Once it gives you peace of mind.

Of all the things that are important here, try and avoid taken any more Adderall. What you are going through right now is a lesson learned the hard way. I am sure it is not nice at all. That alone might make you want to stop for good. I hope so.

 

[JohnM]

Thank you so much for responding. I have an appointment with my gp in two weeks for some follow up blood work, but I think I might move the appointment up, or go to an urgent care clinic to get the results sooner. It’s really the fatigue and weakness which are scaring me. I’ve never felt so drained of energy in my life, and it feels like I’m dying or being buried alive, which quickly leads to panic. Im at work now and working very strenuously to try and keep my mind occupied.

 

[Cuchculan]

Nothing worse than feeling drained. Hard to want to do anything at all. But we always find a way. We have to. That is what makes us the strong people that we really are. I know with the test results you will do the right thing. What is best for you. If that means moving it up sooner, then do that. Get a bit of peace of mind.