Don't Trust Myself When Drunk

[LOC21]

I need some advice as I am riddled with guilt over texting someone else.
I am with my partner 6 years and recently I had a night where I drank way too much and I was texting a male friend on Snapchat. The memory is very foggy and I'm unsure what I was saying to him because the messages disappeared but in my recent emojis there was the kiss, wink and tongue face clearly flirty emojis.
I text the day the next day apologising for whatever I was saying and ensuring him it would not happen again that I am not like that and I felt awful. He said to me not to worry that we were only having a laugh.
But I cannot stop crying I feel like such a horrible girlfriend because I know my boyfriend would not carry on like that.
I know people say being drunk isn't an excuse but there is no way on earth would I act like that sober.. And now I am just terrified to be drunk altogether it's like I don't trust myself.
And I 100% love my boyfriend he means the world to me and now I'm having doubts maybe there is something missing from the relationship making me act like that or I was jus genuinely been a stupid drink. I feel awful

 

[Cuchculan]

You think you done this. But you are not 100% certain. The best question you could have asked the next day is what exactly did I do last night? Find out for certain. Instead of thinking you done this or that.

Maybe try and have a little less drink. You are not a bad girlfriend. Just a person who does silly things when drunk. Nothing more. Little less drink and be aware of what you are doing at all times.

You harmed nobody at all. Lot of drunk text messages are sent.

 

[FinneousRex]

If this is the first time in 6 years that this ever happened, then maybe it was just an odd, not typical thing that happened. I’d wait until you found out the facts until you assume that you went behind your partners back. Has there ever been cheating in your relationship before? Just seems odd to automatically assume you got drunk and were flirting with other people. Not many people come up with that theory if they were black out drunk unless they’ve had some sort of history with it.

If you’re that concerned, then drink less. Or if you really don’t trust yourself, then delete your Snapchat and such before you start drinking and don’t redownload them until the next day. I’m not trying to sound rude, but if you don’t trust yourself that much, then drinking less and having an open conversation with your boyfriend is probably best.

I think you gotta look into yourself to find the answer for this one.

 

[LOC21]

Thank you both for your reply.
I feel alot better today and I was assured the messages I was sending were nothing to be worried about that it was literally just a mess.
I suffer with a generalised anxiety disorder and although there is no history of cheating I think it's just always a fear I will get drunk and do something stupid. Probably more so that I would hate to ever lose my boyfriend for a reason like that.
My ex partner would get drunk all the time and cheat on me so maybe I am still a bit scarred from that relationship.
I think looking into myself is definitely a good idea. I think I will go to counsellor maybe would be a good idea for me.
And to definitely not drink so much, I would gladly give up the drink

 

[Kjrj]

In general alcohol makes me a very happy goofy person. I could definitely see myself sending stuff that I thought was funny that could be taken as flirty in retrospect.
Honestly thats one of the things that alcohol does. However after making a few drunk calls and drunk texting a few times I've just decided that if I am going to drink I turn my phone off or put it away.
Don't be to hard on yourself it sounds like it was all done innocently and the fact that your worried about it and not defensive over it shows you have a good heart.

 

[Joshua1]

And I 100% love my boyfriend he means the world to me and now I'm having doubts maybe there is something missing from the relationship making me act like that or I was jus genuinely been a stupid drink. I feel awful

You not stupid, but you are making a stupid choice by deciding to drink and get drunk. People that drink and get drunk do things they wouldnt usually do that are wrong. They tend to do things one night, get a hangover and not remember what they did last night. Drinking is not a good idea. Invest in your boyfriend, if you love him truly you will need to make the sacrifice of not drinking, even though to you it seems fun.