dont know what to do ?

[imsotired]

nothing is going right in my life anymore and I feel that I am putting all this pressure on my mum. also I feel like I wont even be able to keep a job. I feel emotionally numb like I get emotional but there is something that is stopping me from crying. I am trying everything to make myself better but nothing seems to be working and I am stressed as I cant remember things that I studied as I am so stressed but numb at the same time. some of my problems I am not telling my mum about. I don't feel comfortable telling her and she doesn't know but she gets very self defensive of herself. I feel like I cant run to anyone any more as it is too embarrassing to say. I wanted to go out but all my friends were busy so im ded. I gust feel like hy innerself has already died and it just my outerself.

I just want to be my normal self again!!!!!!!!!!


plss help me I don't want to die but I feel that is the only option rn

 

[alwaysworried]

Deep breath. You are capable of so much more than you think. You say you feel that you won't be able to keep a job - but what if you CAN? Nothing is going right at the moment...but who's to say that you're not about to suddenly turn a corner?
I know when you get into this kind of dark place it's hard to imagine yourself ever feeling better. This will pass, though. It won't be forever. As for not being able to tell your mum about some of your problems because you're embarrassed, is this something you could talk about with a therapist? From what I recall about some of your other posts you said you had been seeing one - is this still happening? Maybe you need to increase the frequency of your appointments, if that is something you are able to do? Or maybe you need to alter the medications you're taking? If you can't speak to a therapist, maybe try your GP?
Think of all the times you've felt bad...and then how one day you felt just a bit better, and a bit better the next...it's hard right now, but the only way out is through. I know when you're in so much pain you just want an immediate solution. And it is so exhausting waiting and hoping for things to get better. But they WILL get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon! And it's worth waiting for that, because when that day comes, it will be amazing.
Is there anything you like to do that brings you temporary happiness, or engages your mind? Doesn't matter how silly it is. Having a dance party by yourself to your favorite music, doing some art (good or bad!), watching things that will make you laugh are all things that could help temporarily boost your mood. Obviously this won't magically cure you, won't solve any of your problems (I know this suggestion is annoying when you already feel so poorly), but it can be helpful to find little things that you enjoy and do them, even if it's only 5 minutes each day. I'm not sure what you've tried yet.
I wish I had a better way to help you, but please know that you are loved and that people care about you - your friends, your family, etc. Death is never a solution. This feeling - no matter how bad it is - is only temporary. This will pass