Doing better, but sometimes...

[Howlingvapor]

I want to start by saying that I’m in a much better place now than I used to be. I’m more confident and happy than I’ve ever been, I’m going out and doing things I never thought I’d have the guts or motivation to do, and for once I’m actually chasing my passions and not just putting myself down and assuming I’m not good enough. But that being said sometimes I get hints of depression here and there, they don’t last as long and aren’t nearly as severe as when I was at my lowest, but they still suck. It’ll usually start as just a random painful memory that shows up for a second in my head or I’ll see something that reminds of when I was severely depressed and for like 10 minutes to an hour I just get taken back to that mood. Seriously, that short I know! Even now the the thing that made me start writing this post has already kinda dissipated. I happened to be scrolling through some old twitter group chats I used to frequent and someone mentioned something about my ex and Japan or something and it didn’t bother me at first but then I was watching jontron and he mentioned japan I just started feeling depressed. At this point I’ve come to terms with what happened between me and my ex, but it’s not even like an “I miss her” kinda thing it’s more like I just remember how sad that whole thing was and how much things have changed now. I have a completely different life now than I did back then and for the most part that’s a good thing, but there was just something about that period of my life and the friends I had at the time. And what happened between her and I even before the relationship ended kinda ruined it all and there is so much pain associated with that group of friends and that lifestyle in my mind that I know I can’t go back to the days when I used to make political commentary videos and talk trash with crazy people from all over the world that thought just like I did.

Honestly, now that I think about it though, that chapter of my life may be over, but this one’s just beginning. I’m doing stand up comedy at open mic nights now and I’m actually pretty good even the veteran comics at the bar I perform at are impressed. One of them even asked if I’d be interested in doing an actual comedy show! Like where I’m not just some guy who shows up to the bar on Sundays, but someone opening for comedians people paid to see! I’m meeting so many new friends and carving my own path, I feel free. I take so much pride in my craft too, it’s a huge confidence booster to get so many compliments this early into trying stand up. I hope that eventually the depression will stop completely, but even if it doesn’t I know I’ll be ok. Eight months ago I wanted to commit suicide and now I go up on stage every other week and make people laugh. So I think I’ve definitely made huge strides.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

This is really neat. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a good time with the standup!

 

[smilingsoul]

I'm so glad that things are looking up! Getting better isn't a straight path, as much as we'd like it to be. My depressive symptoms moved up today, after receding for many days. I have a plan though, and I know good days will come as well. It helps to remember that.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

HowlingVapor, I think it's great that your stand up comedy is going well! Not everybody can do that.

Years ago, I thought about doing stand up comedy like you do. However, I told some of the jokes I had come up with to several people I know, and I wasn't getting the laughter to my jokes that I was looking for. Hence, I decided not to try it.

I agree with SmilingSoul that getting better is never a smooth process and is never a straight path. But I'm glad you're getting better for the most part, HowlingVapor.

Keep up the good work!

 

[Marjan1978]

Diet can play a large role in helping you beat back depression. A good way to boost your chances of staving off depression involves eating a balanced diet full of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins and whole grains. Steering clear of processed foods that can leave you feeling sluggish and cause excess weight gain can go a long way toward keeping you healthy and happy and free of depression symptoms.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

You're right, Marjan.

A healthy diet and exercise is beneficial physically as well as mentally for anyone, not just those with depression.

 

[smilingsoul]

100%. Even a couple days of bad eating seems to cause a pretty big drop in quality of life for me. I'm fortunate in that my place of work provides a subsidized lunch with really good salad and vegetable dishes. I have a much easier time during the week with a lunch loaded up with greens. I try to make things like that at home for my family, but other than roasted broccoli and brussels sprouts, its an uphill battle getting them to eat much of it. Fortunately vegetables are cheap.

 

[Howlingvapor]

Diet doesn’t play as much of a role for me as exercise. I mean I like everyone else have felt the misery following a kfc famous bowl or other fast food Petri dishes that make you question your life choices, but generally as long as I’m eating lots of protein with minimal carbs my mood isn’t really all that affected. Even when I’m not eating like that I’m not all that affected, but when I forget to walk my dog or can’t, between her sad face and my lack of exercise it kinda does put me in a slump. I don’t really workout anymore, but I try to walk the dog everyday. She’s honestly been one of my biggest companions on my mental health journey.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk