Forest1402
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- Dec 13, 2017
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For as long as I can remember I have suffered from varying degrees of anxiety. Since the age of about 10 or so I have had a heightened awareness of physical anxiety I never felt comfortable in my own body. I do recall a time when I didn't feel this way but it was during a period of time when I was a child in a family with a very structured routine based life. It wasn't so much that I felt well it was just the natural processes of eating sleeping digestion were "natural". A point arrived where I began to have an unhealthy relationship with food and was always hungry and felt guilty for wanting extra food. I used to hide the evidence on top of my wardrobe. I don't remember why this started or what caused it. all I know is that there was s a sense of shame which I believe laid the foundations for a life filled with worry anxiety and disappointment.
I have experienced a whole host of health concerns which predominantly focused on digestive conditions and a whole host of other issues. I have been told that I have hypochondriacal tendencies and score highly in health anxiety assessments. I am afraid that my life has been rendered untenable now and going forward. It has affected my working life my family life and relationships. I have never taken ssri's as have feared that this will affect me in ways which are worse than the life I have been living for so many years. I have been for counselling and a six week course of CBT which were ultimately unsuccessful. I noted no positive change in myself and felt as though my situation couldn't be changed.
I am aware that many of the things that I have suffered from apart from having my gallbladder removed in 2010 I also believe this was due to my yo yo dieting. I have suffered from weight gain and weight loss since I had a choice of what I hate. It has almost felt like freewill has been responsible for what has caused me suffering. When I was controlled I could function because I was not allowed to be excessive.
I am posting this now in order at 42 years of age to try and make the most of the life for my son and I. My son is 12 years old and I feel as thought my behaviour will impact him negatively. the last thing i would ever want is for him to be blighted by the same problems that i have faced. I moved to Nottingham six months ago to try and make a new start do better and make my son proud and see that even if someone has barriers they can improve their life and overcome deep routed issues. Sadly I find myself sitting at a keyboard, jobless impoverished and fraught with the same concerns which if anything are heightened. No amount of diets exercise regimes seem to address the issue which seems to be one of my own perception of myself. The way I come across to people is not how I feel. I am too caught up intrying to analyse things and am clearly far too sensitive disposition wise. I could ramble on for another 10 pages but I will end this diatribe here. If anybody had any input please let me know. Thanks in advance for reading this.
I have experienced a whole host of health concerns which predominantly focused on digestive conditions and a whole host of other issues. I have been told that I have hypochondriacal tendencies and score highly in health anxiety assessments. I am afraid that my life has been rendered untenable now and going forward. It has affected my working life my family life and relationships. I have never taken ssri's as have feared that this will affect me in ways which are worse than the life I have been living for so many years. I have been for counselling and a six week course of CBT which were ultimately unsuccessful. I noted no positive change in myself and felt as though my situation couldn't be changed.
I am aware that many of the things that I have suffered from apart from having my gallbladder removed in 2010 I also believe this was due to my yo yo dieting. I have suffered from weight gain and weight loss since I had a choice of what I hate. It has almost felt like freewill has been responsible for what has caused me suffering. When I was controlled I could function because I was not allowed to be excessive.
I am posting this now in order at 42 years of age to try and make the most of the life for my son and I. My son is 12 years old and I feel as thought my behaviour will impact him negatively. the last thing i would ever want is for him to be blighted by the same problems that i have faced. I moved to Nottingham six months ago to try and make a new start do better and make my son proud and see that even if someone has barriers they can improve their life and overcome deep routed issues. Sadly I find myself sitting at a keyboard, jobless impoverished and fraught with the same concerns which if anything are heightened. No amount of diets exercise regimes seem to address the issue which seems to be one of my own perception of myself. The way I come across to people is not how I feel. I am too caught up intrying to analyse things and am clearly far too sensitive disposition wise. I could ramble on for another 10 pages but I will end this diatribe here. If anybody had any input please let me know. Thanks in advance for reading this.
