Dealing with a Frustrated Mother

[adamden]

So throughout this bout of anxiety I’ve been facing, my mother has become more easily frustrated with me and my irrational thoughts. Even though she continues to say she’s not frustrated at me, but at the situation, it’s been tough to cope with her frustration. Already, my mother is a very stoic person, a go-getter, she knows what she wants.

Unfortunately though, her frustration just fuels my anxiety because then I feel guilty for putting added stress on her, and it makes me sad and just overall down for the rest of the day.

That’s exactly what happened tonight. I was in our laundry room putting my clothes in the washer, and I put the detergent in there, and went out. After I left the laundry room, my nose (just my left nostril specifically) felt dry for a few seconds, and then it went away. Of course, my mind jumps to allergic/anaphylactic reaction, and I start to panic in my mind. I go back into my room, call her in so I can talk to her, and she once again, expresses her frustration.

She basically, with an angered tone, “I’ve been using detergent for you since you were a baby. Unless you drank the detergent, that won’t happen!” And then leaves the room. And hence, my otherwise good day, ruined.

I need some advice guys, because I really want to address this with her, but I’m scared to do it. I’m afraid it’s going to cause more frustration, and I love her so much, I don’t wanna make the situation worse for her.

 

[Cuchculan]

I think she was applying some logic to the whole detergent thing. Might not of been what you wanted to hear at that time. Her telling you she has been using the same thing for years with you. In other words ' why should anything bad suddenly happen now '. The way I see it is you could sit her down and try and explain how the anxious mind works. That it works in the present. As in here and now. Not last year. Not ten years ago. It can be all about the present moment. Feelings and thoughts you get about certain things. That your mind is not like her mind. Rational thinking goes out the window with anxiety. I think we all know that one. Were she was been rational about the detergent. But you are not thinking the same way. This seems to be what most non sufferers of anxiety don't understand. They probably never will to the extent that an anxiety sufferer would. You have to live through it all. They only have to live with you and your ways. Which they are probably trying to get their heads around. You don't suffer from the condition, you won't fully understand it. At times it can be like talking to wall. You can tell them. But they can forget quickly enough. All you can keep doing is reminding her. Nice long chat. You get to talk. She gets to talk. You both hear each other out. See if it works. Took my own mother many years to see just how bad my anxiety could be. Might not happen straight off. Give it a go and hope for the best.

 

[adamden]

I think she was applying some logic to the whole detergent thing. Might not of been what you wanted to hear at that time. Her telling you she has been using the same thing for years with you. In other words ' why should anything bad suddenly happen now '. The way I see it is you could sit her down and try and explain how the anxious mind works. That it works in the present. As in here and now. Not last year. Not ten years ago. It can be all about the present moment. Feelings and thoughts you get about certain things. That your mind is not like her mind. Rational thinking goes out the window with anxiety. I think we all know that one. Were she was been rational about the detergent. But you are not thinking the same way. This seems to be what most non sufferers of anxiety don't understand. They probably never will to the extent that an anxiety sufferer would. You have to live through it all. They only have to live with you and your ways. Which they are probably trying to get their heads around. You don't suffer from the condition, you won't fully understand it. At times it can be like talking to wall. You can tell them. But they can forget quickly enough. All you can keep doing is reminding her. Nice long chat. You get to talk. She gets to talk. You both hear each other out. See if it works. Took my own mother many years to see just how bad my anxiety could be. Might not happen straight off. Give it a go and hope for the best.

I don't discount that she was applying logic on that topic. That's a no-brainer LOL. I later realized how stupid I was being, because detergent is not an allergen, which I later researched and learned. She has to work quite a bit today, but if I find some time today, I will try and have that sit-down with her and just explain how my mind is working. Because I feel she has some understanding at this point, but not a full understanding, if that makes any sense. Crossing my fingers, praying and hoping, that it will go just fine.