Crippling Health Anxiety

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

Hi fellow hypochondriacs.
I've been dealing with health anxiety for 8 months now and in the space of 8 months I have wrongfully diagnosed myself with HIV, Lymphoma, Kidney cancer and throat cancer. My latest struggle has been with testicular cancer. I have been to 3 different urologists in the space of 3 months. 2 of which have checked with an ultrasound for my peace of mind, and all 3 gave me the same diagnosis. A small direct inguinal hernia on the left side of my groin. (The last doctor also found a varicocele). These diagnosis manage to calm me down for a few days, but the problem is that my left testicle (affected side) is larger than the right. I have read that a varicocele makes your testicle shrink and not actually make it larger. Due to this, I'm very aware of my left testicle at all times and I feel as if it is the size of a tennis ball, however when I look there it's only slightly larger. ( apparently its normal for one to be larger). I also have lower back pain which is associated with Testicular cancer.

You would think that 3 different urologists and 2 ultrasounds would convince me I have no cancer. I do not know if the symptoms Im feeling are all in my head or Im actually feeling them. However the internet is filled with people telling you how doctors are wrong.
I just want to know if anyone has had similar experiences regarding this

P.S I've been seeing a psychologist for around 2 months.

 

[Hal 9000]

If you mean experience with health anxiety, yes.
If you mean fear of testicular cancer, yes. As well as all body parts you named as well as several others you left out.
And blood disorders. And neuromuscular disorders.
And you are right, testicles are not the same size and may even vary slightly in size or shape for no particular reason.

But more importantly, what changed in your life prior to eight months ago. A loved one getting sick? Instability at work or at home?
I learned here that a common characteristic among health anxiety sufferers is the feeling of a loss of control. Try to think back on when this started and what changed in your life.

In the past eight months do you go in and out of periods of worry. Do you feel better briefly (after a good medical report or whatever) just to have the fear creep back again?

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

8 Months ago i was on the brink of graduating uni, with a plan to get a job and move out of my family home. There have been months when i was anxiety free, for instance after the first urologist appointment, i was fine, and that lasted for nearly 2 months

 

[triceps]

How are you doing and are you confident with your therapist?

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

I really trust my therapist but the problem is that i don’t make too much money, and the price for a session is quite a sum, so i go like twice a month.

 

[triceps]

It's great that you're speaking in person with a professional about your situation.

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

Thank you for the swift replies guys

 

[Swilliams]

Testicular cancer was one of my recent fears. I heard a story at work about a co-worker who was diagnosed with TC. On the onset of the story, I knew it was going to be bad for my HA.
Just a week after hearing the story I stared to feel a pain in my left testicle. I started the googling, poking and prodding, and starring at the affected area hoping to see something glaring.
It lasted for a few weeks and never seemed to get better. I have my self a date and said “if it’s not better by then, go get it checked”. But like I said, it never got better.
I went to an Er to get it checked out. They did some urine samples and an ultrasound. It magically started feeling much better as soon as I laid down on the hospital bed. I knew deep down, there wasn’t an issue...
The doctor came back in and said that he didn’t really see anything to be concerned about. He did mention a slightly enlarged vericole and epidemis and prescribed me an antibiotic. Honestly I know that he was just looking for something to match my symptoms but nothing looked to terribly out of the ordinary.
I’m about 7 days into the antibiotics and haven’t felt the pain since. But I don’t think the medication has anything to do with how I feel down south.

 

[EvaGisele]

A few years ago, a coworker was diagnosed with stage III lymphoma after developing a big lump on her collarbone area. She’s doing well today. However, it completely screwed me up. I was on vacation for two weeks right after her diagnoses, which was not a fun vacation at all. I started prodding and poking looking for swollen lymph nodes. A few days later, the side of my neck swelled! I called the dentist, rationally and rightfully thinking it was a bad tooth on that side. But even though he gave me an antibiotic that reduced the swelling, I was still so worried I had cancer that I lost 15 pounds that vacation and worried and googled and worried and googled some more. You’re totally not alone. Health anxiety is awful. I find myself worrying about the health of those close to me in a similar way.

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

I have some slight discomfort still but I'm trying to rationalize telling myself I visited 3 different urologists and they all found nothing. I think about the odds of getting Testicular cancer which is rare, and then add on the odds of all 3 urologists and 2 ultrasounds being wrong and it makes me feel better. I think the key to overcome or at least manage health anxiety is to think rationally and remember that the odds are in your favour.

 

[triceps]

I have some slight discomfort still but I'm trying to rationalize telling myself I visited 3 different urologists and they all found nothing. I think about the odds of getting Testicular cancer which is rare, and then add on the odds of all 3 urologists and 2 ultrasounds being wrong and it makes me feel better. I think the key to overcome or at least manage health anxiety is to think rationally and remember that the odds are in your favour.

If you look at this rationally, it's a done deal, you don't have testicular cancer. The problem is, if we could maintain those rational thoughts without the irrational thoughts creeping in, we wouldn't be on this forum. Keep trying to focus on the multiple medical findings and pushing any thoughts to the contrary elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

Any helpful tips to remain rational?

 

[triceps]

Am not good at it myself even in situations like you're in where I know what is rational but my anxiety takes over with irrational thoughts. I'd try to tell myself, "Jesus Christ, I've got three doctors telling me I'm fine, let's move on to something else."

 

[Hal 9000]

Any helpful tips to remain rational?

It sounds like you are in that magical time between bouts, so this is the time to make a plan.
It's not easy or quick but this is about the long term.
Think of the three or five things you always do when you are suffering (you know, like visiting the doctor, Googling, curling up, taking your pulse, whatever). Pick one right now that you WILL NOT do the next time this happens.
Re-engaging in these same activities is reinforcing your anxiety response. They are temporarily soothing* (as you found with your good news from the doctor) but every time you re-engage makes it that much harder to fight this.
It won't be easy, it may be a little harder at first, to eliminate your responses because your brain is looking for the temporary comfort of the ritual.
If you want to have this explained more scientifically Google or YouTube "amygdala".

(Talk to your psychologist about this. This worked for me but he / she knows you better than I do).

* Not only is the relief temporary but its duration becomes shorter and shorter. I'll bet if a doctor gave you a clean bill of health five years ago it would have buoyed you for much longer than it does now. Same goes for good news from Google or WebMD. Eventually they will offer no reassurance at all or of such short duration that it won't make a difference.

 

[cripplinghealthanxiety]

So update...
I did the semen test and my urologist (who up until recently I thought was a good guy) sends me a text via his office telling me there are some parameters that need to be discussed. I freaked out and called his office, and it was closed. I called him on his cell and he snapped at me.
I read online that there is a risk of infertile men having testicular cancer. It also freaks me out that it took the urologist 2 days to even reply to my analysis result, and the fact that he sent me this text right after the clinic closed.

My hypochondria is acting up again. And Im at home alone with a pc that has access to the internet. I gave in to the pressure and started googling. I managed to get back on this forum, and discuss it with you guys but Im really fed up of this hypochondria. Its consuming my life

 

[triceps]

So update...
I did the semen test and my urologist (who up until recently I thought was a good guy) sends me a text via his office telling me there are some parameters that need to be discussed. I freaked out and called his office, and it was closed. I called him on his cell and he snapped at me.
I read online that there is a risk of infertile men having testicular cancer. It also freaks me out that it took the urologist 2 days to even reply to my analysis result, and the fact that he sent me this text right after the clinic closed.

My hypochondria is acting up again. And Im at home alone with a pc that has access to the internet. I gave in to the pressure and started googling. I managed to get back on this forum, and discuss it with you guys but Im really fed up of this hypochondria. Its consuming my life

You might as well give up being fed up with your hypochondria and and concentrate on steps that make it not so devastating.. I've got GAD which seems similar to your hypochondria, just makes me obsess over different things. It's possible that your urologist has looked at all of the testing and the parameters he wants to discuss relate to your health anxiety not accepting the results. Anyway, we both have anxiety disorders and the sooner we can accept it and concentrate on what we can do to stay calm with our illnesses.

 

[Hal 9000]

Parameters would be an odd word to use if something were seriously wrong. An enzyme or other component could be slightly deviated from optimal, which is probably not serious.
I know it will feel like years, but he will get back to you.

On the other hand, maybe he is setting up parameters as to how often he will allow you to call him (Kidding. Actually half kidding).

 

[Steven]

Hey there. I just now saw this post but I’ve had a similar heath anxiety fear lately. Over the last year I’ve gone from hiv to liver failure to now testicular cancer. This one started because about a month ago I noticed this little “lump” on the bottom of my left member. Sorry to be graphic. It’s funny though because it comes and goes like I can only feel it at certain times like when I’m standing. Other times it’s like it’s not even there. I’ve read all about the disease online and basically convinced myself of it. Pretty much everything I’ve read doesn’t really match where this bump is at. It could also just be a part of the anatomy.

 

[Richard G]

It sounds like you are in that magical time between bouts, so this is the time to make a plan.
It's not easy or quick but this is about the long term.
Think of the three or five things you always do when you are suffering (you know, like visiting the doctor, Googling, curling up, taking your pulse, whatever). Pick one right now that you WILL NOT do the next time this happens.
Re-engaging in these same activities is reinforcing your anxiety response. They are temporarily soothing* (as you found with your good news from the doctor) but every time you re-engage makes it that much harder to fight this.
It won't be easy, it may be a little harder at first, to eliminate your responses because your brain is looking for the temporary comfort of the ritual.
If you want to have this explained more scientifically Google or YouTube "amygdala".

(Talk to your psychologist about this. This worked for me but he / she knows you better than I do).

* Not only is the relief temporary but its duration becomes shorter and shorter. I'll bet if a doctor gave you a clean bill of health five years ago it would have buoyed you for much longer than it does now. Same goes for good news from Google or WebMD. Eventually they will offer no reassurance at all or of such short duration that it won't make a difference.

Hal
Another great post and idea. As of my birthday last month I promised myself not to Google cancer anymore....now my latest fear is ALS and am trying to convince myself to not check the internet re ALS. I see my psychologist tomorrow so I will mention what you've said here.