Crippling health anxiety - Heart/ Brain/ ALS/ Every Cancer!

[Del1992]

I have often came to this forum for reassurance that I’m not alone and to honestly learn about symptoms etc. So I thought I would register and play my crippling health anxiety battle out.
I’m male under 30 have always looked after my body and health. I’m married with 2 wonderful young children and have a great family life.
My journey started just before my first born was due start of 2018 - I had terrible chest pains and tingling running down my left arm I kept believing I would have a heart attack and die before meeting my child, I thoroughly investigated this with ECG’s heart monitors and a heart ultrasound all came back normal.
Mid 2018 - After feeling fine for months I started to get headaches in a certain spot on my left temple, I had them everyday for 3 weeks when I finally had enough and went to A&E/ ER, the dr was very understanding and carried out a number of physical tests and even gave me a brain MRI just to put my mind at rest! It came back clear.
Mid 2019 - a relative had passed away due to a stroke despite them being much older than me I convinced myself I had the same - countless blood tests/ DVT ultrasound and another MRI came back normal.
2020 Jan - after a couple weeks of stomach discomfort I convinced myself I had stomach cancer I read up on symptoms/diagnosis even patients vlogs on YouTube after persisting my dr for a week everyday he finally said I’m arranging an endoscopy my symptoms nearly all went the next day! But I still went ahead with the procedure- all clear!
Mid 2020 - maybe my worst time of all I somehow convinced myself I had ALS/ motor neurone disease because of tingling in my limbs this truly terrified me and my body went through hell for months I privately paid for nerve conduction studies/EMG and an MRI of the head and full spine all came back clear!
Start of 2021 - after a physical day at work I was driving down the motorway when I happened to scratch my face/neck and “couldn’t feel” my scratch enough I panicked and though this is it I’m having a stroke! I pulled over composed myself for a few minutes then carried on the next week I paid for full blood test and ANOTHER MRI of my brain all back clear!
July/ present day 2021 - I’m now convinced I have cancer/ tumours somewhere in my body and I need to act fast to find them.
Symptoms?
Overall fatigue and tingling through the limbs in general.
Head pressure/tingling scalp
Ear pressure/ fullness
Deep throat pain
Tiny movable lump below ear behind jawline
Pressure in jaw and teeth
Slight gastro problems
Light brown coloured stools
Occasionally have pain and tingling running down left leg.
I’m at my wits end with this cancer health anxiety I literally want to have every test on nearly every body part something I cannot afford I’m worried my dr will not take me serious now with all the tests I’ve had and to make matters worse all I see now is cancer adverts everywhere! Has anybody else gone through this? It’s wreaking havoc on my life physically mentally and physicologicly I’m not sleeping I have no appetite and it’s on my mind 24/7 I can’t keep going on like this

 

[JulesE]

I am so sorry you are struggling with health anxiety. I feel your pain. You are not alone. The worst form of torture about health anxiety is we feel all these crazy symptoms that convince us we are dying, yet most often we are not and then we begin to question every symptom we have. It is like the worst form of "crying wolf" as some point we may be right, but by then we've probably exhausted ourselves, our loved ones, and our physician. The pure torture of anxiety is that all the "symptoms" of anxiety are also symptoms of life limiting disease putting us in a vicious circle of anxiety. I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy. You are not alone. I have found hypnosis incredibly helpful. It is basically a very deep state of relaxation and when I have anxiety/panic I take myself back to that place. It doesn't always work, but when it does it is incredibly helpful. Since my hypnosis was during COVID it was over the phone and I still found it incredibly beneficial.

I think the best course of action is to be honest with yourself, your loved ones, and your physician so that you can find some happy medium between all the tests in the world and those that may truly be indicated. The tiny movable lump behind your jaw line is most likely a normal lymph node. The rest of your symptoms are relatively non-specific. Not to give medical advice, but I would be honest with your doctor about your health anxiety and maybe just having a discussion about your symptoms with a good physical exam and some lab work can put your mind at ease. The stress of constant anxiety is not good for us. I have found over time just relinquishing my fear of cancer, dying, illness helps manage my anxiety. We are not in control of our life expectancy even though we think we are...give in to the fear and let it roll through your body. Don't focus on it; don't spin out of control. Just recognize it and let it go....I find it most helpful to counter the negative CONSTANT dialogue of illness with a counter narrative: I am strong, I am whole, I am healthy. It doesn't always work, but just as we can rile ourselves into anxiety and panic over every little nuance our body produces we can also recognize our body is an amazing creation and it leans toward wellness even if our minds do not. (Tests I've had: EGD, Colonoscopy, Echocardiogram, ECG, Tilt Table, NM Stress Test, tons of lab work under the sun: all normal - yet, I'm still convinced in any given moment of panic/anxiety I am dying. To top if off - I am a nurse so I have a pretty good idea that much of my inner dialogue is not true, yet I still ruminate and torture myself.) Those of us that suffer from health anxiety need to reach some kind of equilibrium. Our bodies do weird things. Are those weird things a symptom of a catastrophic health condition? Sometimes, but more than likely, probably not.

Hang in there and if nothing else, please know you are not alone. You are suffering and those that don't understand have no idea of the torture. Please take care. Another thing I have found helpful is GABA - again not giving medical advice....also find something that can help you sleep. Our bodies restore themselves when we sleep so it is crucial.

 

[Del1992]

Thank you so much for replying to my post, this is the first time I’ve displayed my crippling battle with health anxiety so it is nice to hear back from a kind individual like yourself.
My wife knows how debilitating my anxiety can be and knows I’m a hypochondriac however there is a lot I keep from her like what tests I undertake and my true fears as I do not want to worry her at all, I sometimes feel like health anxiety is a disease in itself and by telling family members and loved ones I’m going to spread it onto them or open their minds to this cruel world I’m in.
I’m really struggling at the moment im having vivid dreams and even hearing voices but I keep video diaries on my phone from my previous episodes something I would recommend to yourself (it seems weird at first talking to yourself on your phone!) but it is nice to look back and think well I made it past that horrible time there was nothing sinister wrong with me - the same will happen this time!
i hope we can all beat this one day