Constant health anxiety about my children

[Janecat]

First, let me say that I also have health anxiety about myself, but it's much worse with my kids. I feel like since turning 45, it's gotten much worse. I think hormones are worsening it .

My current fear that is consuming all my thoughts are for my son in the Air Force. He was home for a visit a month ago and I noticed that behind one of his ears, he had a swollen lymph node. It wasn't huge, but a little swollen. I told him about it and he kinda freaked out a little. So, I had to calm him down, telling him these things swell alot for different reasons and it was probably nothing. Meanwhile, I freaking out inside.

Well, unfortunately he is being deployed to Iraq in about 3 weeks (for 8 months). He just told me the other day that the lymph node feels the same, but he won't go to the Dr because they may not let him deploy with it, and he really wants to go.

So all I can think of all day is what if he has cancer and he's not even having it checked?! I have went to Dr. Google and I know that swollen lymph nodes are usually harmless, and sometimes take a while to go down. I'm trying to listen to the voice of reason...what I call my rational brain, but it hasn't been working too well.

I have a tendency to worry about my children's health all the time. I try to control it but it's so hard.

I lost my mom to cancer when she was only 56, so I'm sure this is part of the reason my health anxiety is so high.

Does anyone else obsess about their children's health?

 

[Rinka]

Well lymph-nodes go up and down a lot, like you said. Especially the one behind the ear. he might have a cold that is showing no symptoms because his body is having it under control or an ear infection that he doesn’t know about.
It can be a lot of reasons. Also don’t forget stress.
I would suggest to monitor the node if it hasn’t gone down within a month or two or if it’s getting worse, then he should go to a doctor. Still doesn’t mean cancer, but maybe an infection or stress.

 

[Kelculator]

I can understand your worries, since it is a parent's instinct to be worried over their children. Perhaps your son's reaction has added anxiety to the situation too,as he ha fuelled your worries that something was really wrong. I agree with Rinka-- It can be so many thing else. I have had weird lumps here and there, and they either go away, or remain harmless. Is it possible for you to reach out for some medical advice?

 

[Janecat]

Well he is leaving for his deployment to Iraq this month. He says it hasn't gotten any bigger, so he is just watching it. We are going to see him this wkd before he leaves, and I am going to make sure he promises me to show the Dr on base once he gets settled.

My gut is telling me it's probably nothing. But that worrying side of me still burns inside. I am doing my best to keep it under control. He was face timing me yesterday and every time he turned his head, it's all I could see! I'm so hyper focused. He told me that he never would have even known it was there if I didn't notice it.

Thank you for your advice. I just trying to do my best.

 

[Kelculator]

I know about that anxious feeling that just won't go away. The powerful "what ifs". There's not much we can do about it, except accepting it as feelings and learning to cope with it. I usually tell myself how feelings are only feelings, and I trt to practice deep breathes and other methods to help me go on eith my day. Pep talks are usually like, "yeah yeah i know, big baby, but let's see.... " In which I try to comfort myself, give rational ideas-- which usuall ly don't do much, and be patient and understanding with myself. One step at a time. Best of luck.

 

[Janecat]

Thank you for your kind words. The "what ifs" can be quite powerful.