Constant anxiety with Parents

[Kat0619]

Hi guys. I'm new here.
My name is Kelly and I need to vent and hopefully get some advice.
I live with my son and my Parents who are both seniors. Recently they have both been going through health issues and I help take care of them. Let me start by saying we are very close and I love them with all my heart. With that being said, they are causing my anxiety to go through the roof. I know they can't help it but it's constant with them. If it's not a pain in the leg, it's dizziness. If it's not dizziness, it's muscle aches, if it's not muscle aches, it's fatigue and so on and so on, CONSTANTLY. They are always going to doctors so they do get checked out and they do have medical issues like I stated but there is never a time they feel ok. There is always an ailment. And for some reason they seem to do it more around me. I have GAD and health anxiety and this is making it so much worse. Everyday I walk in eggshells. My nerves are a wreck. I would be absolutely devastated to lose either of them, but I am so stressed I'm going to become sick myself. Also they don't need assistant living or anything like that. They are independent. To a point. Just any recommendations to calm myself and learn how to handle this more calmly...Thank you so much.

 

[Cuchculan]

Maybe a bit of tough love. I know you care for them and love them. But tell them they can't be running to the doctor with every ache and pain. That this is all normal. Everybody gets such things. But not everybody runs to the doctor. Maybe find other ways to treat their aches and pains. Heated pads to place on the parts that ache. Just to save yourself having to up and run to the doctor with them. Even have the doctor explain to them that none of these aches and pains are serious. They are all just normal. There is no other way of putting it. You do have to think of your own health as well.

 

[Bobnnat]

I kind of agree but also disagree with Cuch. As a fellow HA sufferer, we know all that; at least i do. i know that it's not normal to go to the doctor for small things. i know that seeking reassurance all the time from loved ones is taxing on them, and helpful only for a moment. However, those of us with HA have a mental illness. Typically, and I of course can't speak specifically about Kat's parents, "tough love" likely isn't the answer. It's not like a light bulb is going to go off over their head and realize they need to change.

If they're amenable to it, perhaps they can go together as a couple to a therapist, perhaps one who does CBT. Please keep in mind that for many people, especially those of us with HA, the fear of death is very scary. I would be willing to bet that Kat's folks aren't very religious; it seems that those who believe that upon death they will be reunited with friends and family who have passed, or believe in a conscious afterlife are less afraid. But such faith cannot typically be forced; you have it or you don't.

 

[ScaredyKat]

It sounds like you need to take more time away from home - even if its only for an hour a week. Go do something you really enjoy. Don't answer your phone whilst you are out. You are no good to your family run down. It may also be time to discuss other living arrangements - if you love your family you want the best for them, and maybe this arrangement isn't the best for them or for you. I found my grandmother was very like this when her husband died, but once she moved into a retirement village with people her own age around her, she totally mellowed and didn't worry as much about her health, had others she could talk to constantly about it, and got second wind and walked, went on excursions, and did a whole mess of stuff she had never done in the last 30 years of her life. She lived to 98 years old in the end. She never had cancer. She had suffered from depression but less so when she was in the retirement villages.

 

[Izthewiz]

You may need to get more help and or this maybe out of your scope and there is care facilities that can help you.
It doesn't mean you are a bad person or don't love them.
It means you're overwhelmed.

 

[JustMe]

Hi guys. I'm new here.
My name is Kelly and I need to vent and hopefully get some advice.
I live with my son and my Parents who are both seniors. Recently they have both been going through health issues and I help take care of them. Let me start by saying we are very close and I love them with all my heart. With that being said, they are causing my anxiety to go through the roof. I know they can't help it but it's constant with them. If it's not a pain in the leg, it's dizziness. If it's not dizziness, it's muscle aches, if it's not muscle aches, it's fatigue and so on and so on, CONSTANTLY. They are always going to doctors so they do get checked out and they do have medical issues like I stated but there is never a time they feel ok. There is always an ailment. And for some reason they seem to do it more around me. I have GAD and health anxiety and this is making it so much worse. Everyday I walk in eggshells. My nerves are a wreck. I would be absolutely devastated to lose either of them, but I am so stressed I'm going to become sick myself. Also they don't need assistant living or anything like that. They are independent. To a point. Just any recommendations to calm myself and learn how to handle this more calmly...Thank you so much.

Since they are independent can you move out? Find a job somewhere far away so you have a reason to move? Or do they live at your house with you? Is there a way to get out of the house more if you can't move? I have a different relationship with my parents but they were causing me major anxiety and I moved as far away as I could get.