SalinaWithTheSmile
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- Jul 21, 2016
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Does anyone on here have a long term injury?
I have a broken back and it controls so much of what I do. I'm supposed to be at work right now but when I woke up, I could barely walk. My back injury controls everything I do in life and it's absolutely the most frustrating thing I go through. When I was 18 I got married to an abusive man. The list of ways he would hurt me are endless, so I don't really want to get into that but it did long term damage. I had my first back surgery in November of 2012, a microdiscectomy that had complications. I went to urgent care one day because my back had a sharp pain and started hurting. The doctor there said that she was nervous treating me and that I should have gone to the hospital but if it got worse, I had to promise to go. She put me on light duty at work; I was a dog groomer at the time and she would only let me groom dogs that were 25 lbs. A week later I felt fine but my right foot wasn't moving up and down all of the way. I didn't think too much about it but followed up with my general practitioner, so that he would lift my work restrictions. He literally yelled at me. He first asked how I could have waited so long without seeking treatment but seriously, I didn't think anything was wrong! I thought I had a sore muscle and it was just impacting the way I moved. Then he told me I would be having surgery and probably that week.
Still thinking it was just a doctor being a doctor, I let him take x-rays and listened when he told me he'd scheduled an MRI for me, the next day. Nothing that I know of came of the x-rays but about an hour after the MRI the next day, I followed up with a surgeon and was told I was having surgery at 8:00am the next day. I was absolutely stunned. I really didn't think anything was going to come of a pain that had gone away. Needless to say I was in a panic and my anxiety hit the roof. I went to the doctor on a Tuesday and had my first back surgery the following Thursday. One day between to get my life in order and prepare to be out of work for the next 3 months.
After my first surgery they put me on narcotic pain medicine and it made me so depressed that I would lock myself in my room and just cry for a few days in a row. I felt fine for a long time after the first surgery, weened myself off of the pain medicine and went back to work as a dog groomer. At first simple things at work really hurt but I figured that was normal and had really great co-workers who really helped me out. Almost 2 years later I was on the back of a friend's motorcycle (mind you I hadn't had any pain in a long time and had been on the back of tons of motorcycles in the meantime) and he went around the yellow line on the freeway. Going about 80 mph, against my wishes, he hit a pot hole and the terrible shocks didn't provide any support! I bounced up and back on the seat so hard that I was instantly in pain again.
After the ride I was in a pretty large amount of pain for a few days and when I tried moving my foot, it wasn't doing what I wanted again. I freaked out, remembering being yelled at by the first doctor and immediately went to the hospital. They didn't do anything so I followed up with my general practitioner again, who sent me to a new surgeon and after a few weeks of trying things like physical therapy, epidurals, nerve ablations, more pain medications, MRI's, x-rays, it was decided that I was having a spinal fusion. The second surgery happened in October of 2014 and I had another 3+ months off work but I really didn't feel better afterwards. There was maybe a 2 month period where I felt great but I have a feeling that was the narcotics.
Since the fusion really never took, even though I'd tried all of the same treatments as before, physical therapy, epidurals, nerve ablations, x-rays, MRI's, all while on narcotics, it was easily decided that surgery 3 was going to happen in February 2016. They removed the steel and more than 6 bone splints! So now here I am 6 months after the 3rd surgery and still have daily pain! I knew I wouldn't be able to sit in my office chair, for more than 10 minutes or so at a time today, so I wasn't able to go. Driving probably would have been dangerous. Laying down is typically the only way I get any relief from the pain. It affects everything in my life; there's a chance I could lose my job, my boyfriend is struggling with the decision to stay with me, since we met before surgery #2 when I was feeling good and he doesn't know if he wants to be a caregiver for the rest of our lives, I often can't drive my dream car that I worked my ass off to buy before surgery #1, an older model, manual transmission, Jeep Wrangler with a lift, I can't care for my sidekick, my mini-poodle Yoshi, the way that I want... the list could go on for too many paragraphs...
The narcotics I've been taking for a full 3 years now still cause the same depression and anxiety. My body has also started to build a tolerance to them, which causes withdrawals in the middle of the day. I've been working past that but my pain management specialist seems to think the cure for that is to increase the dosage or put me on a stronger medicine. My opinion of him is that he's pretty much useless. There hasn't been anything he's done to actually help me manage my pain and when I ask for an opiod aggressor to help me get off of the narcotics, he changes the subject or tells me he's never heard of something like that, which I really think is strange because both my therapist and general practitioner have suggested I ask him for them. Don't worry though, I'm getting a second opinion from a doctor who specializes in natural healing and alternative methods of treatment.
Lately there's been a spike in pain. I have to have another MRI soon and just have the horrible feeling it's going to lead to something gruesome for my life, like every time before. I'm seriously panicking. I can't stand the thought of a 4th surgery. I've considered permanent disability but I'm so young and maybe in denial a bit. I refuse to believe this is what the rest of my life will look like. It seems like I'll wake up one day and everything will just go back to normal! Just as quickly as this all started. I know that's a huge wish but... like I said, I just can't stand to believe this is what the rest of my life is going to look like.
Does anyone else go through anything like this? A long term, all consuming, injury? How do you manage your panic through all of the doctors appointments and tests? Have you become somewhat of a hermit because of it? I never want to leave my house! It honestly overwhelms me now. I'm curious how other people living with chronic pain manages a 'normal' life. How do you go on? How do you pick yourself up and keep going?
I have a broken back and it controls so much of what I do. I'm supposed to be at work right now but when I woke up, I could barely walk. My back injury controls everything I do in life and it's absolutely the most frustrating thing I go through. When I was 18 I got married to an abusive man. The list of ways he would hurt me are endless, so I don't really want to get into that but it did long term damage. I had my first back surgery in November of 2012, a microdiscectomy that had complications. I went to urgent care one day because my back had a sharp pain and started hurting. The doctor there said that she was nervous treating me and that I should have gone to the hospital but if it got worse, I had to promise to go. She put me on light duty at work; I was a dog groomer at the time and she would only let me groom dogs that were 25 lbs. A week later I felt fine but my right foot wasn't moving up and down all of the way. I didn't think too much about it but followed up with my general practitioner, so that he would lift my work restrictions. He literally yelled at me. He first asked how I could have waited so long without seeking treatment but seriously, I didn't think anything was wrong! I thought I had a sore muscle and it was just impacting the way I moved. Then he told me I would be having surgery and probably that week.
Still thinking it was just a doctor being a doctor, I let him take x-rays and listened when he told me he'd scheduled an MRI for me, the next day. Nothing that I know of came of the x-rays but about an hour after the MRI the next day, I followed up with a surgeon and was told I was having surgery at 8:00am the next day. I was absolutely stunned. I really didn't think anything was going to come of a pain that had gone away. Needless to say I was in a panic and my anxiety hit the roof. I went to the doctor on a Tuesday and had my first back surgery the following Thursday. One day between to get my life in order and prepare to be out of work for the next 3 months.
After my first surgery they put me on narcotic pain medicine and it made me so depressed that I would lock myself in my room and just cry for a few days in a row. I felt fine for a long time after the first surgery, weened myself off of the pain medicine and went back to work as a dog groomer. At first simple things at work really hurt but I figured that was normal and had really great co-workers who really helped me out. Almost 2 years later I was on the back of a friend's motorcycle (mind you I hadn't had any pain in a long time and had been on the back of tons of motorcycles in the meantime) and he went around the yellow line on the freeway. Going about 80 mph, against my wishes, he hit a pot hole and the terrible shocks didn't provide any support! I bounced up and back on the seat so hard that I was instantly in pain again.
After the ride I was in a pretty large amount of pain for a few days and when I tried moving my foot, it wasn't doing what I wanted again. I freaked out, remembering being yelled at by the first doctor and immediately went to the hospital. They didn't do anything so I followed up with my general practitioner again, who sent me to a new surgeon and after a few weeks of trying things like physical therapy, epidurals, nerve ablations, more pain medications, MRI's, x-rays, it was decided that I was having a spinal fusion. The second surgery happened in October of 2014 and I had another 3+ months off work but I really didn't feel better afterwards. There was maybe a 2 month period where I felt great but I have a feeling that was the narcotics.
Since the fusion really never took, even though I'd tried all of the same treatments as before, physical therapy, epidurals, nerve ablations, x-rays, MRI's, all while on narcotics, it was easily decided that surgery 3 was going to happen in February 2016. They removed the steel and more than 6 bone splints! So now here I am 6 months after the 3rd surgery and still have daily pain! I knew I wouldn't be able to sit in my office chair, for more than 10 minutes or so at a time today, so I wasn't able to go. Driving probably would have been dangerous. Laying down is typically the only way I get any relief from the pain. It affects everything in my life; there's a chance I could lose my job, my boyfriend is struggling with the decision to stay with me, since we met before surgery #2 when I was feeling good and he doesn't know if he wants to be a caregiver for the rest of our lives, I often can't drive my dream car that I worked my ass off to buy before surgery #1, an older model, manual transmission, Jeep Wrangler with a lift, I can't care for my sidekick, my mini-poodle Yoshi, the way that I want... the list could go on for too many paragraphs...
The narcotics I've been taking for a full 3 years now still cause the same depression and anxiety. My body has also started to build a tolerance to them, which causes withdrawals in the middle of the day. I've been working past that but my pain management specialist seems to think the cure for that is to increase the dosage or put me on a stronger medicine. My opinion of him is that he's pretty much useless. There hasn't been anything he's done to actually help me manage my pain and when I ask for an opiod aggressor to help me get off of the narcotics, he changes the subject or tells me he's never heard of something like that, which I really think is strange because both my therapist and general practitioner have suggested I ask him for them. Don't worry though, I'm getting a second opinion from a doctor who specializes in natural healing and alternative methods of treatment.
Lately there's been a spike in pain. I have to have another MRI soon and just have the horrible feeling it's going to lead to something gruesome for my life, like every time before. I'm seriously panicking. I can't stand the thought of a 4th surgery. I've considered permanent disability but I'm so young and maybe in denial a bit. I refuse to believe this is what the rest of my life will look like. It seems like I'll wake up one day and everything will just go back to normal! Just as quickly as this all started. I know that's a huge wish but... like I said, I just can't stand to believe this is what the rest of my life is going to look like.
Does anyone else go through anything like this? A long term, all consuming, injury? How do you manage your panic through all of the doctors appointments and tests? Have you become somewhat of a hermit because of it? I never want to leave my house! It honestly overwhelms me now. I'm curious how other people living with chronic pain manages a 'normal' life. How do you go on? How do you pick yourself up and keep going?
