Child Abuse and PTSD

[111kg]

Like I said in the other post few hours ago, I was bullied a lot and my father was extremely abusive. I still have small signs of PTSD, but I am working with it. However, the main problem is that I am insecure and have the impostor's syndrome. Whenever I am in an competition, I believe that all the other competitors are better than me and stuff like that, not to say about my shaking hands.

 

[oportosanto]

I am really sorry to hear about that 111kg, but I believe you have the right attitude right now, you are working on it and one day in the right direction is another day in the right direction, soon enough you'll leave that behind your back.

 

[Choochoo]

I was verbally abused and mocked on a daily basis growing up at my relatives' house. It was done in a supposedly comedic way though so I never really noticed the negative effects until much later on when I became more aware that I was acting in a way that was very different from the rest, in that I was able to say negative things without as much hesitation as most people. It also caused me to lose trust in my parents because they sent me there and although I only realized this much later on I then saw that all my decisions were being moved by this all along.

 

[Ellen]

I was also abused as a child. My mother was very physically violent to me and my two brothers. I am in my 50's now. I have not spoken to my mother in years. My mother was also extremely, extremely verbally abusive - she used to call me a whore, accused me of being a prostitute before I was age 12 - I did not even know what any of that meant at that age. I was scared every single day. I then went with the first boy who looked in my direction - got pregnant as a teen and had my daughter. The father of my baby was very violent and threatening to me too. He thankfully died when my daughter was 14. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was age 21 after suffering panic attacks, anxiety, many other symptoms for a couple of years. But even as a child - I remember being terrified, having rituals - for instance - I would do everything in counts of eight - I felt like doing that kept me safe....

 

[Concernedgal]

I was also abused as a child. My mother was very physically violent to me and my two brothers. I am in my 50's now. I have not spoken to my mother in years. My mother was also extremely, extremely verbally abusive - she used to call me a whore, accused me of being a prostitute before I was age 12 - I did not even know what any of that meant at that age. I was scared every single day. I then went with the first boy who looked in my direction - got pregnant as a teen and had my daughter. The father of my baby was very violent and threatening to me too. He thankfully died when my daughter was 14. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was age 21 after suffering panic attacks, anxiety, many other symptoms for a couple of years. But even as a child - I remember being terrified, having rituals - for instance - I would do everything in counts of eight - I felt like doing that kept me safe....

I was also physically abused as a child. My father would get drunk, come home a beat me and my siblings mercifully. As I got older, I was never home I would always look for a reason not to ever be at home. A couple of years ago, my father was drunk while on a tree cutting job and he nearly about cut his leg off. He thought that he was dying so, I went up to the hospital because he said he wanted to talk to us individually. When it came my turn to go in the hospital room... he looked at me and began to cry. He was apologizing to us individually. I stood there listening straight faced. He cried and begged my forgiveness as he had already done with my other 3 siblings before me. All I could do is stare at him... that it. I had no response to him. My mother had forgiven him already. Although they are still divorced, I believe she continued to love him no matter what. If I couldn't forgive him then... I may never. It's his fault I can't trust men, it's his fault that i'm easily startled at a hand raising. I don't know if I will ever forgive him. We as children have no choose but to rely on our parents for love and safety. It's not so much as the hitting although that's is some of it, it's not having that security or a place that you can call home. Your supposed to have that safe place. And that's what hurts. People like us ... we didn't have that. This is something I have held in for years. It's been a long time coming too. Do you ever really heal from this? If so... tell me how?

 

[Ellen]

I was also physically abused as a child. My father would get drunk, come home a beat me and my siblings mercifully. As I got older, I was never home I would always look for a reason not to ever be at home. A couple of years ago, my father was drunk while on a tree cutting job and he nearly about cut his leg off. He thought that he was dying so, I went up to the hospital because he said he wanted to talk to us individually. When it came my turn to go in the hospital room... he looked at me and began to cry. He was apologizing to us individually. I stood there listening straight faced. He cried and begged my forgiveness as he had already done with my other 3 siblings before me. All I could do is stare at him... that it. I had no response to him. My mother had forgiven him already. Although they are still divorced, I believe she continued to love him no matter what. If I couldn't forgive him then... I may never. It's his fault I can't trust men, it's his fault that i'm easily startled at a hand raising. I don't know if I will ever forgive him. We as children have no choose but to rely on our parents for love and safety. It's not so much as the hitting although that's is some of it, it's not having that security or a place that you can call home. Your supposed to have that safe place. And that's what hurts. People like us ... we didn't have that. This is something I have held in for years. It's been a long time coming too. Do you ever really heal from this? If so... tell me how?

For me, I dont think I ever really healed from it, but just sorta let the memories have a place in my mind. I fill my days now with my family, work, especially my grandchildren. I can "see" the memories in my head - it is like a movie that plays, and it has been so many years now - that I no longer get angry about it. I hold no emotion to my mother at all, she could die tomorrow and it would not bother me.
,

 

[Concernedgal]

I don't know how I would feel if my dad passed. After the hospital visit he had tried to form relationships with all of us. My mom says that he's changed but, it's just so hard to trust. We I look at him, I see a fist and the look in his eyes before he attacked. That kind of look that will send a chill done your spine.

 

[Sweed1]

I too had issues of child abuse mental and physically, and I think it takes counseling to get over it. I have had counseling on and off over the years when too many flash-backs came to the surface. i don't think that all children who are abused in some fashion become abusers themselves, but I do thing the type of abuse and how bad it was can in fact produce a copy cat affect on a child when and as he or she grows up. Such as severe physical or sexual abuse might lead to adult activity on ones own children.

In my case it made me very shy and withdrawn, where I avoid loud noises and lots of people. I stayed in the background and avoid people and places that brought back the bad memories. It is very hard to recover from the things in life that cause PTSD, but with counseling from the right person life can be better than going it alone.