Cancer Fears

[Always_Scared]

I am so convinced that I have cancer somewhere in my body and I'm living on borrowed time. I am so sure that if I ever go to the doctors for a test that it will be determined that in fact, I do have cancer and there is nothing to do because I've waited way too long for treatment and I'm going to die before I get to see my children grow and see my grandchildren. This is my living hell EVERY DAY!! Every symptom every pain and mark on my body is always cancer in my mind. I am so freaked out about melanoma right now but next week it could be breast cancer or colon cancer. God, I hate living like this.

Can anyone else relate? oh by the way I'm absolutely terrified of going to doctors for any tests. So I will really never know if, in fact,

I do have cancer

 

[bigjetplane2]

Oh, this is my phobia as well.

 

[E.B]

I as well like I've said before fear going to the docs. Im 40 and besides a serious accident that put me in the hospital around 15 years ago I haven't had a physical since 10th grade or so...with me its more out of sight out of mind, meaning im fine until a symptom of some sort pops up...but I do understand.

 

[JADIII]

Hi, I have the exact same thing going on and have for years so finally one day with all my might (and a few glasses of wine) I made an appointment to check it out. OF course the appointment was 2 weeks out but at least I did it and I felt "better". I was at the point where if I lost 2 pounds in a week I had cancer- no doubts. I saw friends around me losing 15-20 pounds and we're happy but I would be miserable if I lost that weight. What a f*icking crazy life to lead. I finally said the following. If I'm going to die, I'm doing to die. I can sit here and wallow and feel like death or go out there in the real world and just f*cking live. I was no help to my wife, my kids and isolated from all friends as I was jealous of how well they looked and felt. I quit golfing because I thought I had ALS and couldn't swing a club. Looking back, I drove the average person f*cking crazy with the things I was doing. Literally I couldn't even go to CVS without a drink or something to "relax" me and this was at 9 AM. IN fact typing this now I still think I have ALS even after going to a PT for "strength test". Life like this blows.....Tomorrow (Sunday) I sat on a medication to help. It takes a few weeks but I'll keep you in the loop.
Oh by the way. I spoke to my MD. He says that "most" cancers can simply be surgically removed and cut around the edges. He says it some different today then a few years ago. Almost a game of "Operation". Hope that helps.

 

[Corey05]

I can definitely relate! I've gone through every cancer in the book, no joke. I hate living like this too. What helps sometimes is asking myself "Okay I've gone through all of these cancer fears, but not once has it ever turned out anything bad". I don't know if that helps you, but I hope that it does!

 

[SB2017]

This is me. Everything is cancer. I bit my cheek the other day. Cancer. Get a random pain in my toe. Cancer. I’ve been to so many doctors, and have had so many tests. Still wake up everyday wondering when it’ll be my last. It’s horrible.

 

[Jennyss2159]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I too, suffer from thinking this way almost non stop. The last 31 days have really been the worst my health anxiety has been in 18 yrs. I just recently started reading a book to try and find a different way of coping as I've tried meds, therapy, meditation etc. It's awful to live like this. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Ms.Honey]

Me too.

 

[Always_Scared]

Sending hugs to all Living like this is a nightmare!

 

[Belizz]

Same here, I avoid checking my body for things because I am scared of getting panicked. Which not good really.
I can go to dr's and have things checked if I really must but have so much anxiety then
Sometimes I can brush off some of the symptoms, some won't even make me anxious. But some of them really does make me feel horrible.
Hang in there, sending support.

 

[Mcarva]

Hi, first of all my heart feels for you and what you are going through. I have suffered from the demon of health anxiety since I was 12 years old; I am now 63. Although there were many times of "remission", when I felt the presence was not occupying every single waking thought, for the most part, it's been a utmost nightmare. I am actually a Hodgkins Lymphoma cancer survivor, and while I do not worry about that type of cancer coming back, I worry about every other kind of cancer and illness. My mammogram is coming up March 12 and I am convinced not only that I have breast cancer, but that it is metastatic breast cancer which has spread everywhere. I'm afraid I will need a double mastectomy and because I am afraid of general anesthesia, I am afraid I will not wake up. I worry about colon cancer (due to COVID I am a bit late getting my colonoscopy). I worry about taking a heart attack, stroke, you name it. Unfortunately I have used alcohol as a coping mechanism and I know that fuels my anxiety and also my guilt. And for someone so worried about health, it really makes no sense whatsoever that I self medicate with a substance that can have a negative impact on my health. I am talking to two therapists, listen to meditation and hypnotherapy tapes, and have tried a few different meds but didn't stay with them long. I feel I take a step forward and 10 back. COVID has made things so much worse for me as I now work part time at home and have no-where to go outside the house. I used to belong to a gym and worked out 6 days a week. Now that ended and I have gained a good amount of weight. I also have difficulty sleeping and at times find it difficult to concentrate at work. If you are not already talking to a therapist, I suggest you give it a try. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the one that seems to have the most benefits because it helps you to challenge your thoughts. As hard as it is, please try to stay away from googling symptoms. You certainly are not alone and please don't give up. Wishing you the best.

 

[Joewolf25]

I am the exact same way!! Everytime I have a pain my mind immediately goes to cancer. It’s my biggest fear. Currently I have a pea sized lump under my arm that I am going to call doctor about. I think it could be a cyst due to an infection but it might give me some peace of mind to at least talk to someone

 

[MATD]

There is freedom from anxiety if you choose to do something about it. You don’t have to live this way.

 

[Phillies Phan]

Hi Always. Been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing better.

 

[Sweet T]

Hi, first of all my heart feels for you and what you are going through. I have suffered from the demon of health anxiety since I was 12 years old; I am now 63. Although there were many times of "remission", when I felt the presence was not occupying every single waking thought, for the most part, it's been a utmost nightmare. I am actually a Hodgkins Lymphoma cancer survivor, and while I do not worry about that type of cancer coming back, I worry about every other kind of cancer and illness. My mammogram is coming up March 12 and I am convinced not only that I have breast cancer, but that it is metastatic breast cancer which has spread everywhere. I'm afraid I will need a double mastectomy and because I am afraid of general anesthesia, I am afraid I will not wake up. I worry about colon cancer (due to COVID I am a bit late getting my colonoscopy). I worry about taking a heart attack, stroke, you name it. Unfortunately I have used alcohol as a coping mechanism and I know that fuels my anxiety and also my guilt. And for someone so worried about health, it really makes no sense whatsoever that I self medicate with a substance that can have a negative impact on my health. I am talking to two therapists, listen to meditation and hypnotherapy tapes, and have tried a few different meds but didn't stay with them long. I feel I take a step forward and 10 back. COVID has made things so much worse for me as I now work part time at home and have no-where to go outside the house. I used to belong to a gym and worked out 6 days a week. Now that ended and I have gained a good amount of weight. I also have difficulty sleeping and at times find it difficult to concentrate at work. If you are not already talking to a therapist, I suggest you give it a try. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the one that seems to have the most benefits because it helps you to challenge your thoughts. As hard as it is, please try to stay away from googling symptoms. You certainly are not alone and please don't give up. Wishing you the best.

I totally understand. My drug of choice is junk food. It’s crazy because I’m afraid of heart disease. Makes no sense but here I am at 57, trying like hell to get my weight, bp and cholesterol down. I hope it’s not too late.

 

[Always_Scared]

Hi Always. Been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing better.

HI Phillies Phan
I'm doing a bit better now. Some days are better than others. Thank you for asking. Hope you're doing well

 

[Phillies Phan]

I had a lymphoma scare. Had an US and it’s just a small hernia. But the fear when I saw and felt the swelling of what sure seemed to be a lymph node was awful. I’m sure we all know that moment of terror.

 

[blueberries]

Cancer is my biggest fear also. I worry about anywhere from 95-100% of the time depending on my current symptoms. Right now I am at 100% and am too afraid to call the doctor. It's too late, nothing can be done because it has metastasized everywhere in my body. I cannot function feeling this way, yet I can't get myself to even call for an appt. I wouldn't know where to start with my symptoms once I get in there. It's a horrible way to live. I'm tired of being told to think positive and try mindfulness meditation and see a therapist for CBT, etc. If it were only that easy I would do it. Before I can think positive I need to know that I don't have cancer because it's not like thinking positive will make the cancer go away. If I knew I didn't have it then I would have no problem thinking positive.

 

[Iugrad91]

You say if only it were that easy as doing therapy or meditating. Therapy is not easy. Changing your thinking patterns is not easy. Meditating is not easy for even the most experienced meditators. You have to be willing to put the work in every single day. It’s the best way to break free of the hold anxiety has on you. You don’t need to wait until you get the all clear, working on the anxiety right now will help with the catastrophic thoughts your having about your health. It’s not about positive thinking, it’s about accepting anxiety and how it makes us feel. It’s about not trying to control our thoughts but accepting that our thoughts are not true facts and cannot hurt us.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Oh gosh… My biggest fear right now…