Sophie leigh
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
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Ok so I'm not entirely sure where to start as I've never been on a site like this before but my anxiety (at least that's what I think it is) has been escalating quite rapidly and I'm finding myself restricted from a lot of normal everyday things because of it so here we go I'll try and get through as much as I can.
My anxiety and panic attacks started from around the age of 12 I was attending high school with friends who at the time I loved but things started to slowly go down hill when the closest of my friends began spreading rumours about me that weren't true and as many of you know news travels fast when your a gossiping teenager and before I knew it half my year had turned against me and were sending me threatning messages, screaming at me down the halls calling me every name under the sun including "slag" and "slut" even though I had always prided myself on the fact that I was a virgin and respected myself, I had groups of girls telling me they were going to beat me up when they saw me, this went on for a few weeks before I became to afraid to go to school and my mum sent me to live with my nan where I then started at a new school, things were better there and I met amazing people who to this day are by my side but by 14 I was attending court, dealing with police and meetings with social services with events that went on involving my dad and me and a few other underaged girls, long story short he was found not guilty and got to live on his life as though he was innocent, unfortuanly for me things weren't as straight forward, I became depressed and unwilling to trust anyone or allow them to become to close, I isolated myself from a lot of people because becoming close to people scared me, I was regularly self harming, drinking, skipping school and attending counseling sessions. I couldn't understand how the justice system could let me down the way it did, by 15 I hit an all time low and began thinking about whether I was even happy enough to keep on living my life, that's when I met my partner and soon to be father of my child, he helped me through so much and brought back the happy, fun side to me I thought was gone. We were began dating and he became my first and I fell pregnant with our son, I felt this was meant for me which is why at such a young age I decided to keep the baby and give him a life of joy that I felt I never had, when I was 3 a man came into my mums life who stuck around for a whole stinking 10 years an during that time he mentally and physically tortured me and my sisters, we were practically prisoners in our own home he hated us, he locked us in our rooms, slammed our heads together when we missed behaved and called us the most foul names when he was angry so my son was always going to have a life he loved. Anyway, I had the baby and everything was pretty great until of course reality hits and the thoughts of proper accomadtion came into play as I was staying with my partner an his parents at the time, I finally got the courage to move into a hostel but it was miles away from any friends and family, I was there for almost a year with barely any money and support, the hostel was in a sleezy area where I was do continuously harrased by the locals with inappropriate comments, I didn't feel very safe. I finally got my house and when things should of got better they just got worse, I guess the stress of a baby and a house was getting to my partner because he became controlling, cruel and cold with me, I felt completely irrelevant to him and his life, for months I allowed him to make me feel as though I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without his say so, until one day I found messages between and an ex flame of his and I knew enough was enough, I ended our relationship and asked for time to work on myself and for him to do the same, luckily we eventually came back together and he has never made me feel like I'm beneath him again, he has spent everyday since working to make our lives better. Things were good for a while until one day my youngest sister came to me in a panic and she told me there was something I needed to know, my middle sister had been seeing my dad behind my back for over a year and openly admitted to not believing a word I ever said and that he was innocent, it shattered me and I found myself in a darker place than ever. Now I'm here with unbearable anxiety an that's only what caused it, I wouldn't know where to begin on what my anxiety actually does to me physically and mentally.
My anxiety and panic attacks started from around the age of 12 I was attending high school with friends who at the time I loved but things started to slowly go down hill when the closest of my friends began spreading rumours about me that weren't true and as many of you know news travels fast when your a gossiping teenager and before I knew it half my year had turned against me and were sending me threatning messages, screaming at me down the halls calling me every name under the sun including "slag" and "slut" even though I had always prided myself on the fact that I was a virgin and respected myself, I had groups of girls telling me they were going to beat me up when they saw me, this went on for a few weeks before I became to afraid to go to school and my mum sent me to live with my nan where I then started at a new school, things were better there and I met amazing people who to this day are by my side but by 14 I was attending court, dealing with police and meetings with social services with events that went on involving my dad and me and a few other underaged girls, long story short he was found not guilty and got to live on his life as though he was innocent, unfortuanly for me things weren't as straight forward, I became depressed and unwilling to trust anyone or allow them to become to close, I isolated myself from a lot of people because becoming close to people scared me, I was regularly self harming, drinking, skipping school and attending counseling sessions. I couldn't understand how the justice system could let me down the way it did, by 15 I hit an all time low and began thinking about whether I was even happy enough to keep on living my life, that's when I met my partner and soon to be father of my child, he helped me through so much and brought back the happy, fun side to me I thought was gone. We were began dating and he became my first and I fell pregnant with our son, I felt this was meant for me which is why at such a young age I decided to keep the baby and give him a life of joy that I felt I never had, when I was 3 a man came into my mums life who stuck around for a whole stinking 10 years an during that time he mentally and physically tortured me and my sisters, we were practically prisoners in our own home he hated us, he locked us in our rooms, slammed our heads together when we missed behaved and called us the most foul names when he was angry so my son was always going to have a life he loved. Anyway, I had the baby and everything was pretty great until of course reality hits and the thoughts of proper accomadtion came into play as I was staying with my partner an his parents at the time, I finally got the courage to move into a hostel but it was miles away from any friends and family, I was there for almost a year with barely any money and support, the hostel was in a sleezy area where I was do continuously harrased by the locals with inappropriate comments, I didn't feel very safe. I finally got my house and when things should of got better they just got worse, I guess the stress of a baby and a house was getting to my partner because he became controlling, cruel and cold with me, I felt completely irrelevant to him and his life, for months I allowed him to make me feel as though I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without his say so, until one day I found messages between and an ex flame of his and I knew enough was enough, I ended our relationship and asked for time to work on myself and for him to do the same, luckily we eventually came back together and he has never made me feel like I'm beneath him again, he has spent everyday since working to make our lives better. Things were good for a while until one day my youngest sister came to me in a panic and she told me there was something I needed to know, my middle sister had been seeing my dad behind my back for over a year and openly admitted to not believing a word I ever said and that he was innocent, it shattered me and I found myself in a darker place than ever. Now I'm here with unbearable anxiety an that's only what caused it, I wouldn't know where to begin on what my anxiety actually does to me physically and mentally.
