Body Dysmorphia

[whysewserious]

I am sure we all have experienced this to one degree or another at different points in our life, where what we see in the mirror (and in our mind's eye) does not match up with the reality of the way our body looks.


I went from a size 0 (eating disorder) to a now size 10 (this change took place over the course of a decade), and the in between stages were where I was healthiest. I am working to focus on being healthy, not so much stressing a size...but every now and then I find myself staring at the mirror, saying harsh things to myself and ending up in a weeping mess on the floor.


My boyfriend has never seen me like that and I want to keep it that way, but he is aware of it and he say it makes him nervous because he does not want it to cause strain in our relationship (where I compare myself to other women, or worry that he won't find me attractive, etc). It already has to some degree and I don't want to cause any permanent damage between us.


I constantly tell others that we should accept our bodies where they are, and work to change things in a healthy way, but find it hard to apply to myself. Would definitely appreciate any insight as I find myself having to make a meal schedule to not fall back into old bad habits from years past.

 

[Novelangel]

I have a very odd dysmorphia going on, as I don't see myself as fat and out of shape. It's pretty much the opposite. In my mind's eye, I look pretty good. I'm thin, young, sexy even... and then I see a recent photo of myself and all of that goes out the window. I mean, I really do know what I look like, and I have a reality thing going on, where I do know that I'm fat, and in my 40's, but I don't seem to realize how bad it is until I see a picture. My 'real view' of myself is not helped by my husband telling me that I'm sexy and not fat at all... and then my mom gives me her 'fat' shirts because she doesn't like baggy clothes. Ugh. So, basically I rely on photos to tell me what I look like for real, forget the fact that pictures can lie sometimes too, depending on the light and the angle. At least I never had an eating disorder... and congratulations, whysew on recovering from that. A size 10 actually sounds terrific and healthy is the best objective we can have. If I am fat and healthy, then I should be happy. Convincing myself of that is another story however.

 

[kgord]

Wow, you have a nice husband,,,sounds like a keeper to me! Anyway, I think I tend to think I look a little better than I do as well. Pictures tend to bring my view of myself into reality. My son once had a severe case of body dysmophia in his late adolescence. He always thought people were staring at him and judging him. Fortunately, he grew out of that, but it made him miserable for awhile. He had a very slight case of acne...and in his mind, it was something horrible...wanted to try accutane and everything. A phobia like that can really be disturbing.

 

[fcuco]

I have a very odd dysmorphia going on' date=' as I don't see myself as fat and out of shape. It's pretty much the opposite. In my mind's eye, I look pretty good. I'm thin, young, sexy even... and then I see a recent photo of myself and all of that goes out the window. I mean, I really do know what I look like, and I have a reality thing going on, where I do know that I'm fat, and in my 40's, but I don't seem to realize how bad it is until I see a picture. My 'real view' of myself is not helped by my husband telling me that I'm sexy and not fat at all... and then my mom gives me her 'fat' shirts because she doesn't like baggy clothes. Ugh. So, basically I rely on photos to tell me what I look like for real, forget the fact that pictures can lie sometimes too, depending on the light and the angle. At least I never had an eating disorder... and congratulations, whysew on recovering from that. A size 10 actually sounds terrific and healthy is the best objective we can have. If I am fat and healthy, then I should be happy. Convincing myself of that is another story however. [/quote']
You know Novelangel, you could always... avoid pictures altogether if they don't make you feel comfortable, we live in this strange culture that tells us that we need to share every aspect of our lives with the entire world. Why? I don't understand this, I stopped posting pictures of myself on social media and usually avoid taking pictures with other people and I now feel much better, pictures are a big lie, even drop dead gorgeous super models need professionally trained photographers to achieve those pictures, there is a lot to it, makeup, lighting, poses, and even then they have to take like 100 pictures to select just 2 or 3 out of the bunch, of course we, regular people, have no chance of looking good on all pictures. Do you remember that picture of Beyonce were she looked so bad? If such a beautiful lady can look so horrible on a picture this tells you that photos are simply not accurate representations of reality.


I actually know a lot of people that look better in person, more than the opposite.

 

[theduck7]

I have a very odd dysmorphia going on' date=' as I don't see myself as fat and out of shape. It's pretty much the opposite. In my mind's eye, I look pretty good. I'm thin, young, sexy even... [/quote']
Good for you! As long as you aren't so overweight that it's affecting your health than who cares what size you are. Don't try and knock yourself for feeling like you look good. Our idea of what looks good is based on underweight, totally photoshopped models. That's not good. If your mental image of yourself is what you like then don't bother with the pictures.

 

[MichaelJacob]

I've actually had BDD for a long time, I actually thought my head was to small for my body. I really thought it wasn't in proportion and this just made my Social Anxiety worst because I would get embarrassed if someone looked at me weird I thought they were looking at how small my head was. But over the years I started to see that my head wasn't so small it was just my mind messing with me, it really was horrible to go through this though.

 

[LovelyLiz]

There will be specific things about your body that are beautiful - whether it's a smile, a beauty mark, a mole, your curves, etc. There'll be some things that are particular to you, unique to yourself. It could be worthwhile asking your boyfriend (or others) which parts of your physical body he considers particularly beautiful, and trying to focus on those?

 

[whysewserious]

I go through phases where I am totally comfortable in my skin, flaws and all, and then it goes in to complete reversal where I hate everything I see. I try to not compare myself to others because I know that is a pointless exercise. I just want to reach the point where I feel good about myself most of the time rather than having to constantly pep myself up.

 

[MahiFury]

I have had huge weight fluctuations over the past 5 years, so I do understand what you mean by not seeing what is in front of you. I went from 180 maximum to 116 minimum at 5'2" due to ulcer symptoms and medications. Now I am right around 125, and though my clothes and the scale tell me I am looking quite different, what I see is the same 140 average I had been my entire life. When I got so heavy, I hyper focused on it, making it worse. Try to focus on the good things about yourself and life rather than weight and looks being a factor, possibly scheduling a time of day for yourself where you address your eating and menu's so you can also manage your health as well. Make your schedule menu not so focused on food by doing dinner dates with others to take the attention away from that.


I feel over weight or under, it's very important to our happiness to manage our feelings about ourselves, it's nice to see such honesty amongst each other.

 

[Novelangel]

I've actually had BDD for a long time' date=' I actually thought my head was to small for my body. I really thought it wasn't in proportion and this just made my Social Anxiety worst because I would get embarrassed if someone looked at me weird I thought they were looking at how small my head was. But over the years I started to see that my head wasn't so small it was just my mind messing with me, it really was horrible to go through this though. [/quote']
I sometimes feel like my head is too large for my body. This is not entirely inaccurate as I am very short and I inherited my dad's head shape. But, the size of my head hasn't ever really bothered me too much, I'm usually more concerned with how fat or thin I am and how disproportionate that makes me look. I have no idea whether other people even notice, or care about how heavy I am, but there's always the idea in my own head that they do notice and do care. That's silly, of course, but that's the way I think. I also feel like people are staring at me for all the wrong reasons, and that can be extremely uncomfortable. The worst thing I can do to myself is make guesses as to what the other person is thinking. They are probably just staring off into space, deep in thought and don't even realize they're staring at someone else.

 

[fcuco]

I go through phases where I am totally comfortable in my skin' date=' flaws and all, and then it goes in to complete reversal where I hate everything I see. I try to not compare myself to others because I know that is a pointless exercise. I just want to reach the point where I feel good about myself most of the time rather than having to constantly pep myself up. [/quote']
What worked for me was to try to reach concrete objective results, something that I could measure. For example, I decided on a healthy target weight and tried to reach it. I would then weight myself in and see how far or close I was, sometimes just seeing a trend that told me that I was slowly but surely approaching that weight was enough since I was probably not comfortable just yet, but things were in motion, so to say.


The opposite of that is looking at yourself in the mirror and determine, subjectively, if you look good or bad. This is pointless as there is little that you could measure or objectively determine by just looking at yourself, plus we are often very harsh with ourselves. You also feel pretty hopeless since you don't feel empowered to do anything about your condition. A target weight, a target blood pressure or any other concrete thing gives something to objectively say: "ok, so even if I am not there just yet, I am moving towards it".


Weight is not the only or most important thing, but it is one of the things that you can change between reason, not everybody is going to attain a super model body look like the TV says.

 

[whysewserious]

Weight is a tough thing to measure. When I was at my tinniest, I still weighed 130 pounds because I worked out constantly and had almost no fat on my body. I am only 20 pounds heavier now but because my muscle mass has changed.


I do have a pair of jeans that when I can fit back in to them, I know I am making progress. Because it has been such a slow, gradual build I will have several stages of being able to fit BACK in to stuff.


I work in the entertainment industry and though I know I am not unattractive, objectively, because I have a little tummy I am usually the "fat girl" on set. It's hard to be around people at their physical peak and not feel like I don't measure up. It makes me worry that some day my man will stop seeing me as attractive when there are so many tiny little things running around.

 

[HappyKoi]

As someone who has had an eating disorder, I feel you. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally accepting that no matter how I look, I'll never be satisfied with it, and this is just something I'll have to accept about myself for right now. When I was at my lowest weight, I thought I was too fat, and now that I'm a higher weight I still don't like how I look, so I'm realizing the problem isn't my weight, it's my perception. Still, it's often difficult not to cringe when I look at photos of myself, or not find something I don't like in the mirror. It's really easy to base your self-worth on other people's opinions, because that's what we as a society are conditioned to do.


It is hard to be around people who you feel look better. The thing is, they probably aren't happy with their bodies, either. As far as your man goes, if he's so shallow that he isn't attracted to you for who you are and can be swayed by someone else because of their looks, then he's not the kind of person you want in your life. I think, though, that he chose to be with you for a good reason, even if you can't see that reason yourself yet.

 

[whysewserious]

HappyKoi...thank you. That really made me feel better, and I know you're right. I try to have such a positive perspective on other areas of my life, so I'm not so sure why it's hard to do the same for myself. Time to shift some gears and slowly work on my self mentality. I hope you have a wonderful day!

 

[lexinonomous]

Looking into the mirror and seeing something you don't want to see can be challenging. I have suffered with body positivity for years. I am never satisfied with what I see in the mirror. I even fail to see the changes I've made and easily dismiss any sort of progress I've made in my life. My body is sometimes a prison.


The he way I deal with these issues is taking a step back and looking at what I've done. Looking at photos has helped me recognize the changes I've gone through. Knowing that photos are more accurate than what I'm seeing definitely plays a hefty role in what I think about myself.

 

[111kg]

I'm not suffering from body dysmorphia, but I've seen quite a lot of cases. As an avig gym goer and as a former steroids dealer, a lot of my formers clients used to have this problem. They would either think they were too fat when preparing for a bodybuilding competition or they were too big. In fact, some of them would enter the gym door on the side, although they could have very well walked normally.


At some level, this problem is understandable, mainly because people working in an industry where the appearance matter the most will never be satisfied of their bodies and will always want some more. However, body dysmorphia can easily lead to depression and other health issues.

 

[whysewserious]

I took a "before" picture two weeks ago prior to starting a new workout routine. I plan on taking a new one every two weeks.


In the meanwhile, I am trying to find two positive things about myself (physical or otherwise) for every one negative I point out when I look at the mirror. This morning when I criticized the size of my thighs, I made myself point out that I am getting more tone in my arms and that I have nice eyes. It doesn't fix everything instantly, but I feel like it was a positive start.

 

[Apathetic]

I've read about it before and I'm pretty sure it describes the way I've seen myself my entire life.


In my case it doesn't have to do with my body, but with my face as well. I've always thought that people are repelled by my face, that I look like an alien, that my face is disgusting etc and I just focus on the characteristics that I think others find truly appalling. As years go by (even though I'm not even over 30 yet) and my body/face/hair(that was a big one) start to change, I'm adding even more things to the list of "awfulness".


When this is at its worst, I sometimes don't want to go out for anything. This also affects my "love life", even though I'm completely okay with being on my own. On the rare occasion that I will like someone, I honestly think that they will be disgusted by me. I don't know if my anxiety/loss of words sometimes/awkwardness when talking to a stranger stems from this (since I'm thinking of how the other perceives me), but it may be a contributing factor.


It kinda sucks sometimes (especially when I feel down in general) but I'm just trying to focus on the occasions when I don't give a f*ck. (mostly when being with friends and family. Still there, less noticeable.)