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Big life changes

Rockon158

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Joined
Feb 12, 2019
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#1
Hello everyone!

I’m new to this so hoping for some support. Hope I am posting in the right place.

Almost a year ago, I moved across the country for a new relationship shortly after my divorce (which was a traumatic event in itself) and I am not adjusting very well. I am VERY close with my family and they have a very hard time with me being gone. I usually visit them every month but it is expensive and hurts leaving more and more each time. I have expressed this and tried to come up with a compromise with my boyfriend for months on living in both places and keeping us both happy. It could be done. He is not flexible and tells me what I want to hear so I stick around. My anxiety is the worst it has ever been and he doesn’t really understand it. We do not have the same life goals and I am just really homesick.

I will be driving home next week. It is supposed to just be for a couple months, but I think it might be smart to stay home. I believe that my emotions are keeping me here even though I know it will not be a happy ending and end in resentment. I do not trust my significant other due to things that I discovered when I first moved in with him.

I guess my big question is, how do you deal with situations like this?! I know I am better off moving home but I ALWAYS put other people before me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I need to get past this but it hurts and is very difficult. If I don’t deal with this now, I think I will be stuck and settling for a life on someone else’s terms.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
 

Hurt&Hopeful

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Messages
590
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292
#2
Hey there, and welcome - that sounds like a really tough situation. Divorce is hard enough by itself, right? And then to be separated from your family...

I'm sure this is only part of the picture here, but just from what you wrote, it sounds like you have already made a decision in your hear.t If you don't trust him, you have different life goals, you're homesick and dread going back to him - what is it that's keeping you in the relationship? Breakups are really hard, but if you don't want to be with him, you're not doing him or yourself any favors by sticking around. It will only be more painful down the road...

I hope you get some clarity and some relieve from the anxiety soon. Sounds like you're very close to your family - are they a good support system for you right now?
 

Rockon158

New Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
3
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0
#3
Thank you so much for responding to me!

What’s keeping me is that I don’t want to hurt his feelings. :( I don’t want to break his heart. I have such bad anxiety when it comes to letting others down.

My family is great and they are sooo excited for me to come back.
 

triceps

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2018
Messages
888
Likes
454
#4
Hello everyone!

I’m new to this so hoping for some support. Hope I am posting in the right place.

Almost a year ago, I moved across the country for a new relationship shortly after my divorce (which was a traumatic event in itself) and I am not adjusting very well. I am VERY close with my family and they have a very hard time with me being gone. I usually visit them every month but it is expensive and hurts leaving more and more each time. I have expressed this and tried to come up with a compromise with my boyfriend for months on living in both places and keeping us both happy. It could be done. He is not flexible and tells me what I want to hear so I stick around. My anxiety is the worst it has ever been and he doesn’t really understand it. We do not have the same life goals and I am just really homesick.

I will be driving home next week. It is supposed to just be for a couple months, but I think it might be smart to stay home. I believe that my emotions are keeping me here even though I know it will not be a happy ending and end in resentment. I do not trust my significant other due to things that I discovered when I first moved in with him.

I guess my big question is, how do you deal with situations like this?! I know I am better off moving home but I ALWAYS put other people before me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I need to get past this but it hurts and is very difficult. If I don’t deal with this now, I think I will be stuck and settling for a life on someone else’s terms.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

Hi Rockon. My question would be "Why am I waiting until next week to leave?"
 

Rockon158

New Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
3
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0
#5
Hi Rockon. My question would be "Why am I waiting until next week to leave?"
Good question. Since I am so far from home I had to give notice at work and a friend is helping me move.

I’m so mad at myself for not making it work and I feel like a bad person. I know how hard I take things so I don’t want this to be a traumatic event for him. It just hurts
 
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