Been banned by a mod in another forum all because she was bullying me and sided with another bully, and it’s driving me to suicide

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

I had an argument with a user in another forum over whether or not old movies were superior to the ones today, the user I talked to used dismissive and passive aggressive comments about my generation (I’m 23) and claimed her generation as superior (she’s at least 20 to 30 years older than me). Her comments got me angry and I retaliated.

The same day, I decided to send a report to have the user under staff review. I accidentally sent it to one moderator I was ignoring, and she got all mad with me. She was like “don’t talk to me, I don’t want to hear it”. I told her she wasn’t being very nice. She then accused me of being disrespectful by claiming I stepped over her boundaries and I was vomiting all over her spilling inappropriate information and that she had a good reason to set strict boundaries against the one specific user. I told her that if she wants to set her boundaries, then she needs to stop talking to me and block me. I added that my reasons is valid anger and I am rightfully expressing it from an experience of bullying.

she did not listen. She threw a tantrum at me and told me that what I’m saying is not rightfully expressive, but self pitiful. She claimed that she loved me and cared for me but she REBUKED me. She told me she did not want to hear me talking up a bunch of nonsense and accused me of harassing her when I told her it was an accident. She then demeaned my experience by saying “you are upset over something completely mundane, over someone else’s opinion that doesn’t go your way!! I will not put up with that!!”. She demanded me to talk about Jesus and the scriptures of the Bible, but I told I don’t want to because I am angry and need to be validated. She was not having it. She kept on contradicting herself with all this I care about you BS and her typical abuse of power to bully other users. She told me to get over myself and labeled me in a derogative manner that I was disrespectful, all while being disrespectful herself. I told her she was not listening and needed to stop lying. I told her that I will report her behavior if she doesn’t stop bullying and gaslighting me. I meant it. As usual, she didn’t listen and kept on using her position in power to bully me.

I reported her several times but to no avail. In the end, I was the one who got banned from the site for a week all because everyone else listened to her. I was pissed. She was a liar and a manipulator. She sided with bullies and I can’t stand people in positions of power that side with bullies and dismiss the experiences of the vulnerable.

Now my depression is worsening because of the bullying and lack of support I’m getting. I’m very unpopular with these people. And if my experiences don’t get validated soon, I will have to end up killing myself. That’s how bad my life has become.

Any support will do, no unwanted advice, thank you.

 

[Cuchculan]

I also got banned from another forum with some over the top strict rules. Couldn't fart of this forum without getting into trouble. I told them to deactivate my account. I had never been on a forum with such silly rules. And that is what this can all come down to. The rules of the forum. The amount of posts removed from this other forum every day was a joke. We all knew they would be removed. Same sort of posts would never be removed from this forum. How long is your ban for? First bans are normally only 2 days long. Then they might watch your posts when you come back. All part of net life.

 

[Jonathan123]

I think it was President Truman who said, 'If you can't stand the heat don't come into the kitchen'. If that particular site upsets you then leave it alone. You are working yourself up over something that can easily be avoided. The more you dwell on it the more anxious you will become and the more anger and fear you will generate. You are doing yourself emotional harm by getting so involved in what others say. Everyone has a different opinion about a subject, and so often this kind of discussion can become really heated. If you can see no resolution to the problem leave the site. Is it really worth upsetting yourself so much?

 

[Cuchculan]

Why even think of suicide over a forum? There are plenty more forums out there. as I stated above, I quit the last one that banned me. Pointless staying about the place because I knew I disagreed with how they ran the place. Stick to a better forum. Were people don't fight over silly things.

 

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

I also got banned from another forum with some over the top strict rules. Couldn't fart of this forum without getting into trouble. I told them to deactivate my account. I had never been on a forum with such silly rules. And that is what this can all come down to. The rules of the forum. The amount of posts removed from this other forum every day was a joke. We all knew they would be removed. Same sort of posts would never be removed from this forum. How long is your ban for? First bans are normally only 2 days long. Then they might watch your posts when you come back. All part of net life.

Mine will last for a week. But I’m afraid once the ban is lifted, I’m going to get banned again shortly after, even if I don’t do or say anything.

Why even think of suicide over a forum? There are plenty more forums out there. as I stated above, I quit the last one that banned me. Pointless staying about the place because I knew I disagreed with how they ran the place. Stick to a better forum. Were people don't fight over silly things.

Dude, many people think of suicide when they’re constantly bullied on the internet. I hope to God you better not demean the feelings of suicide, suicidal thoughts are NO JOKE. And the reason why we simply can’t just leave is because we long for the good things brought to us while we’re there, and when we leave that good part behind, we feel we have to keep starting over.

That’s always what has happened to me. Once I leave something I’m used to, a part of me dies inside. You can’t simply just brush it off. And nearly every single forum in the internet universe is unpredictable. You can’t truly speak your mind without having some sort of a-holes triggered and demeaning you.

Actually, it’s the people doing the moderation in the forums that are the main source of the problem. They don’t care about their fellow users, and they either don’t pay attention to your reports or undermine them and make YOU the problem. I’ve been in crap loads of forums and I’ve had this happen to me a bunch of times all because the mods pick their golden children and scapegoats no matter who’s doing what. They’re usually not capable of doing their job and it’s awful.

And finally, I’ll say it again, DO NOT undermine the feelings of suicide, I don’t care what it’s about or how mundane you think it is. Some people are going to have a much tougher time to cope with life more than others, but that doesn’t mean they deserve to be treated as inferior or have their experiences mocked or dismissed.

 

[Jonathan123]

I have read 'cuchulan's' answers to your post, and I can see no way where he is minimizing suicide or suffering. He has been on here a long time and by now realizes that suicidal thoughts don't necessarily mean that the person will do it. No one here would ever minimize the suffering involved in anxiety. If you are still experiencing these thoughts then you do need professional help. We can criticize others and blame them for how we feel, but ultimately the problem lies with us, the way we react to others and disturbing events. It is not cowardly to walk away from an abusive situation, on the contrary, it may be the wisest thing to do. Abusive confrontations in anxiety can only add to the problem and the suffering. When someone replies to a post it is an act of kindness. I have never noticed any judgement or criticism on this site.

 

[MARCC]

I would not worry about it as it sounds like you are better off not being a member anyway.

 

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

I would not worry about it as it sounds like you are better off not being a member anyway.

That would be the case, except I have no friends in real life. And I was raised in a conservative neighborhood so I can’t really talk to anyone without getting involved in a fight about some of my more left leaning views.

 

[Cuchculan]

I was not belittling suicide. My whole point was I would leave the forum. Get away from the source of the problem. If you know you are going to be bullied again on that forum, why go back to it? The place is not good for you. Or your mind. It is only causing more harm than good.

 

[Jonathan123]

That would be the case, except I have no friends in real life. And I was raised in a conservative neighborhood so I can’t really talk to anyone without getting involved in a fight about some of my more left leaning views.

Friends come to people who are understanding, have empathy and are tolerant. With respect, it does seem as if you are putting yourself in harms way by your attitude. 'Getting involved in a fight'. Anxiety sufferers can't allow that to happen. Fighting involves more adrenaline and thus more anxiety. Back off! Now that is not what you may call 'winning the argument'. It just doesn't matter really what people think or say. If you are happy in your own skin and give love, then those of a like mind will come to you.

 

[PieFan]

Now my depression is worsening because of the bullying and lack of support I’m getting. I’m very unpopular with these people. And if my experiences don’t get validated soon, I will have to end up killing myself. That’s how bad my life has become.

How are you feeling now? I hope you were able to put things in perspective.

It can be painful getting involved in a forum, especially one for mental health, I only stay now if it is beneficial to me overall. And I have been a member of 6 over the years. The broad topic places were less healthy than the specific focused places.

Hope you are feeling better.

 

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

How are you feeling now? I hope you were able to put things in perspective.

It can be painful getting involved in a forum, especially one for mental health, I only stay now if it is beneficial to me overall. And I have been a member of 6 over the years. The broad topic places were less healthy than the specific focused places.

Hope you are feeling better.

It’s pretty complicated. I’ve got permanently banned in several sites due to bullying from staff members and several of them siding with these bullies AND defending that they’re not bullying anyone and I just cannot take criticism. It’s really rough. But I’m trying to manage it by going somewhere else to talk about it.

edit: they believed I was upset over a disagreement when they literally couldn’t differentiate it with my experiences.

 

[PieFan]

It's a pattern for you to go into online settings and try to change the culture there @Strawberry Banana Sundae ? Maybe you could channel that into something more constructive. Most people help create or belong to a culture because it suits them- even if it's unhealthy/unfair. The world isn't healthy or fair.

I live in America and there are plenty of things require challenging and groups I can join online or in real life to channel my crusading side.

Also I have learned to 'pick my battles'.

My biggest battle is to stay well and happy and take care of myself as a priority, I just did not learn that when I was young. Learning it now.

 

[KatherinesPlace]

Friends come to people who are understanding, have empathy and are tolerant. With respect, it does seem as if you are putting yourself in harms way by your attitude. 'Getting involved in a fight'. Anxiety sufferers can't allow that to happen. Fighting involves more adrenaline and thus more anxiety. Back off! Now that is not what you may call 'winning the argument'. It just doesn't matter really what people think or say. If you are happy in your own skin and give love, then those of a like mind will come to you.

What really great advice you gave that person!

 

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

Friends come to people who are understanding, have empathy and are tolerant. With respect, it does seem as if you are putting yourself in harms way by your attitude. 'Getting involved in a fight'. Anxiety sufferers can't allow that to happen. Fighting involves more adrenaline and thus more anxiety. Back off! Now that is not what you may call 'winning the argument'. It just doesn't matter really what people think or say. If you are happy in your own skin and give love, then those of a like mind will come to you.

It would be the case except, I’m the more politic-tolerant person, the people whom I talk to are far less tolerant of different views than I am. They shove their opinions down my throat without respecting mine because they want to claim they’re right without any proof with them. I’m trying to be more respectful of different opinions and experiences but I don’t get the same respect that I give. I have backed away from them, but they keep harassing me, and even though I’ve politely told them to stop, they don’t listen.

It’s as if they know what triggers me. I was raised to believe that if I express unpopular views or experiences or show disdain because I don’t understand what common people think, then I’m in the wrong. I’m usually not the one who starts getting opinionated. I’ve tried listening to podcasts out of achieving self-love that tell me how I experience differently doesn’t make me a bad person. I’ve tried being respectful and sharing love to like-minded people, but they strongly ignore me. If a-holes don’t like my different experiences and act dogmatic and rude, that’s not my problem.

People with mental health problems do NOT ask for others to bully them or treat them badly. The attitude people claim I have due to my upbringing is justified. I am slowly growing independent in my thoughts. But I am also a highly sensitive person, remember that. It’s much harder for me to stand up for myself without losing my mind. Because step I take forward, someone is bound to push me two steps back without any awareness.

And no, I am not making up excuses. I’m just not in the mood for unsolicited advice. Think about it, if someone is being bullied, they are looking for empathy, not unwanted advice. Know the difference. And if you assume I just have an attitude and I ASKED for something bad to happen to me, you’re mistaken.

I’m not saying it to be hateful or disrespectful, I just hope you’d take it to a more empathetic approach and be more open-minded.

 

[Cuchculan]

I’ve got permanently banned in several sites due to bullying from staff members.

On all these sites you are the one been bullied? One site, we might say, fair enough. But more than one? i find it hard to believe that staff members on sites you go on like to bully you. Meaning several sites. They might not agree with all you have to say and tell you as much. You might react to their words. View it as them picking on you. When really it is just them challenging what you said. Which is allowed. It can depend on how you come across if you disagree with them. if you decide to turn it into more than a debate. Like I said, one site, I might say fair enough. Several sites? I find it hard to believe they are all picking on you.

 

[Jonathan123]

"I’m not saying it to be hateful or disrespectful, I just hope you’d take it to a more empathetic approach and be more open-minded".


Yes, I do empathize with you because I know what being bullied is like. The feeling that there is nothing you can do about it. You say you don't want advice. Well, why come on here and tell us your problem then reject advice. Is it sympathy you want, someone to agree with you? I think Cuchculan is right. It does seem too much of a coincidence that you are in an argument about so many sites. Standing back and looking at ourselves is difficult. 'Could it be me and not them'? 'Are they reacting to my aggressiveness'? Now that I am much older I realize that no one is ever 100% right. To think we are is arrogance. I doubt any of this will change your views. You seem determined to be a victim.

 

[PieFan]

You are 23 @Strawberry Banana Sundae Passionate and learning about the world, recovering from childhood, looking for your place to make a difference.

There is a saying attributed to Margaret Mead, the anthropologist, 'Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.'

It is the slow steady progress of a river of water or ice which cuts its way through mountains, carving out valleys of peace, fertility and safety. Moving giant boulders for miles, long after social turmoil and raucous voices are vague echos of memories.

The internet can be a marvelous place for finding ideas and information and connections, but avoid any rabble-rousing is what I do. There's a gift in mental illness which is not apparent at first- we have to learn to think for ourself and step away from the clamor of the wider society, create a safe an peaceful place for recovery and nurture, fill gaps and find creative ways forward. All the people who have contributed to human invention and creativity suffered and struggled somewhere on the same planet, and left something wonderful for others in the process.

It is a scary world right now, America here is choosing between facism and freedom, and learning we can't have our own rights without respecting everyone else's. The difference between individualist and cohesive society. A young country, a pattern of repetition of trampling on social groups to achieve what looks like social cohesion, only to find they too will then inhabit what Paolo Freire called Pedoagogia do Oprimido: The Pedagogy of the Oppressed.

Before we try to promote social change, basically, we recognize where we ourselves are a product of society, and it is not within our gift to enlighten or unchain others ('false charity' Freire called that) Each person must do that for themself, by detaching from the social system enough to think clearly for themself and realizing no one could force that, it was a process of engagement and experience:

“The fact that certain members of the oppressor class join the oppressed in their struggle for liberation, thus moving from one pole of the contradiction to the other... Theirs is a fundamental role, and has been throughout the history of this struggle. It happens, however, that as they cease to be exploiters or indifferent spectators or simply the heirs of exploitation and move to the side of the exploited, they almost always bring with them the marks of their origin: their prejudices and their deformations, which include a lack of confidence in the people's ability to think, to want, and to know. Accordingly, these adherents to the people's cause constantly run the risk of falling into a type of generosity as malefic as that of the oppressors. The generosity of the oppressors is nourished by an unjust order, which must be maintained in order to justify that generosity. Our converts, on the other hand, truly desire to transform the unjust order; but because of their background they believe that they must be the executors of the transformation. They talk about the people, but they do not trust them; and trusting the people is the indispensable precondition for revolutionary change. A real humanist can be identified more by his trust in the people, which engages him in their struggle, than by a thousand actions in their favor without that trust.”

Don't worry @Strawberry Banana Sundae, in the words of a poet 'no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.'

Read stuff, there is a whole world of books and ideas, they spring up faster than people can burn or ban them!



"Hanging in the Louvre Museum in Paris is an imposing painting, The Preaching of St Paul at Ephesus. In this 1649 work by Eustache Le Sueur, the fiery apostle lifts his right hand as if scolding the audience, while clutching a book of scripture in his left. Among the rapt or fearful listeners are people busily throwing books into a fire. Look carefully, and you see geometric images on some of the pages." (Robert Crease, The Rise and Fall of Scientific Authority, 2019 ) La Sueur is inspired by Galileo Galilei's then seditious assertions about the mathematical nature of the universe, and his recognition that earth revolves around the sun. Inconvenient facts and the attempt to suppress them to maintain a status quo is nothing new in human history.

Channel your passion and sensitivity and creativity @Strawberry Banana Sundae Everything will be okay.

 

[Jonathan123]

Amen to that. As Julian of Norwich said, 'All things are right, everything is right and how it should be'. We may look upon that as being nonsense because we see only see the bad side. But order does exist in the Universe. It can live in our lives if we treat others with the dignity and respect they deserve. Yes, even the bad guys. Forgiveness is so important. Holding grievances can eat us away inside. Of course people must be held responsible for their actions, 'But neither do I condemn thee, go thy way and sin no more'.

 

[PieFan]

'But neither do I condemn thee, go thy way and sin no more'.

Oh goodness, synchronicity. Words of Jesus, used so often against the people he loved. I grew up in England, close to an old workhouse (by then it was a hospital) The workhouse attitude is common in modern America, that people deserve their ill-fortune and should be treated harshly.
Today I started reading a novel about poverty and the workhouse, and having beaten a small boy unconscious for the theft of 2 eggs from a hedgerow adjacent to a farm the local priest says that to the assembled crowd, 'go and sin no more'. It's Matthew 25, 'whatever you do to the least of my people you do unto me' and the sheep and the goats and being refused heaven...

Whole lot of US Sunday School going on which obscures that message!