Becoming mute in a group

[Rinka]

I started a new job and have new colleagues. We all went to dinner today and everyone was talking with each other, but me. I forgot what to say and seems to stutter or didn’t say anything. The thing is I’m good in 1 to 1’s or 1 to 2’s but if it’s more the three other people, I seem to become almost mute or stutter. It’s so frustrating and it makes me worry that my colleagues think I am way too weird.

 

[triceps]

I have terrible group speaking phobia. Your new colleagues probably just thought you were checking them out more than they thinking you're weird. So I used to drink to help me get thru those situations and eventually became alcoholic. AA groups put no pressure on you to speak but after a few meetings I was able to be less self-conscious and was able to speak on a regular basis ever since. It has also made me feel more confident in other group situations so that's a plus. My main message is that I'm confident the impression you left at dinner is nowhere near as bad as you think. I'd concentrate on building up those 1:1 relationships and things will get more comfortable over time.

 

[Kaynil]

New people. I think it makes sense. It is easier to get body language clues with one person but it is hard to read the mood with a bunch of strangers. You don't know yet what they like or what they don't so thst can be a bit intimidating if you're not used to bigger groups.

Don't be hard on yourself, I ahree with @triceps that the impression is ni whete what we fear. It might feel like the moment was awkwardly long jut it was just still a moment and once it passed they moved along with it. Once you become familiar with your new co-workers it will be easier on the next gatherings as you'd know who to stick with.

Someone once told me thatvwe all want to feel listened and cared for and I shouldn't be afraid to ask questions for them if I feel it is becoming one sided. So that might help you too next time. Ask them about anything that gets your interest about them. C: