Back Again

[Oracle42]

I thought I was getting past my anxiety phase. I woke up with my heart racing so bad, my hands tingling and shortness of breath. I had to wake my husband up to walk me through it.

I've been dealing still with my mother in laws passing and the possibility of moving in with my father in law to care for him. It's a huge change and frustration since my husband and I have only lived on our own for 3 years and I love it. I'm not ready to live under someone else's roof again. We've expressed our concerns to him that we both work 8hrs a day and he needs 24/7 care and rides to doctors which we cannot provide. Yet he does not seem to rationalize.

This whole process has been going on for about 4months and my anxiety had been through the roof. Although just a couple of weeks ago I had been feeling pretty ok. I could handle stress and was even drinking coffee again without feeling anxious. I had a wonderful anniversary weekend with the hubby last week and we had drinks throughout the weekend feeling just fine. On Saturday i somewhat felt my anxiety creeping up but I just thought to let it through as it was manageable. Then on sunday it was a little stronger but again. I kept thinking that it's ok and to let it go through me.

When I went to bed I kept jolting awake and there I knew I'd have a rough night. I kept my mind distracted and breathed until I fell asleep. Until morning before my alarm to work went off. I woke up and felt like I was vibrating and I knew I had felt this before. Checked my pulse and yup going a million miles. It took me about 5 or so minutes to have it go down but thankfully it did.

And now here I am feeling defeated that my nemesis is back. Ugh

 

[Cuchculan]

We all have setbacks. That is simply what this is. Might have been brought on by what is happening in your life right now. But with a setback it is all about what we do next. Loads of people think ' here we go again '. Thus inviting the anxiety back into their life full time. In other words they expect it to happen again. Then again after that. Why can't it be just a once off thing? Bad night. Who knows, you might have be dreaming in a bad way. That could have even sparked things off. But that does not mean it has to happen tomorrow morning as well. That is what I mean by ' what we do next '. If we accept it as just a setback, we can move on past it. But if we feed it, it will continue. I have had many setbacks over the years. They do make you feel let down in a sense. Even like you have failed. But these are the thoughts we have to wipe away. You were doing good for so long. I see no reason at all why you can't continue to do as good. Use that as your main focus. How good you were doing. Use it to get you back there again.

 

[ladybj]

I thought I was getting past my anxiety phase. I woke up with my heart racing so bad, my hands tingling and shortness of breath. I had to wake my husband up to walk me through it.

I've been dealing still with my mother in laws passing and the possibility of moving in with my father in law to care for him. It's a huge change and frustration since my husband and I have only lived on our own for 3 years and I love it. I'm not ready to live under someone else's roof again. We've expressed our concerns to him that we both work 8hrs a day and he needs 24/7 care and rides to doctors which we cannot provide. Yet he does not seem to rationalize.

This whole process has been going on for about 4months and my anxiety had been through the roof. Although just a couple of weeks ago I had been feeling pretty ok. I could handle stress and was even drinking coffee again without feeling anxious. I had a wonderful anniversary weekend with the hubby last week and we had drinks throughout the weekend feeling just fine. On Saturday i somewhat felt my anxiety creeping up but I just thought to let it through as it was manageable. Then on sunday it was a little stronger but again. I kept thinking that it's ok and to let it go through me.

When I went to bed I kept jolting awake and there I knew I'd have a rough night. I kept my mind distracted and breathed until I fell asleep. Until morning before my alarm to work went off. I woke up and felt like I was vibrating and I knew I had felt this before. Checked my pulse and yup going a million miles. It took me about 5 or so minutes to have it go down but thankfully it did.

And now here I am feeling defeated that my nemesis is back. Ugh

Is it possible for your FIL to get a care nurse? Will his insurance cover it? It is a lot to take on being a care-giver when you work full time. Even if you are not working F/T - its a lot to take on. Don't beat yourself up about anxiety...you are not defeated, you just had a set back which happens with anxiety.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

I agree with you, Cuchculan, here we go again-type thinking is no good when you have a setback.

 

[Oracle42]

Is it possible for your FIL to get a care nurse? Will his insurance cover it? It is a lot to take on being a care-giver when you work full time. Even if you are not working F/T - its a lot to take on. Don't beat yourself up about anxiety...you are not defeated, you just had a set back which happens with anxiety.

He's a veteran and already gets a bit of help. I'm very sure he will be able to get the care he needs. But he says he doesn't want strangers in his home and exclusively wants my husband and I to move in. We had agreed to care for him when the time came when my late MIL brought it up but we had no idea this would take effect weeks after she spoke to us. Now looking at it seriously it's just not possible for us

 

[ladybj]

He's a veteran and already gets a bit of help. I'm very sure he will be able to get the care he needs. But he says he doesn't want strangers in his home and exclusively wants my husband and I to move in. We had agreed to care for him when the time came when my late MIL brought it up but we had no idea this would take effect weeks after she spoke to us. Now looking at it seriously it's just not possible for us

I understand his take on it not wanting strangers in his home. Maybe you guys can help him find someone that he is comfortable with to come to his home. I am sure you guys had no idea what it entailed to be a care-giver and working f/t. I pray you both come up with something to suite the both of you. Try not to allow it to overwhelm you...I know easier said than done. You and your hubby meant well when you agreed.

 

[Cuchculan]

It can be more about pride than anything else for some people when they finally do need care. To have to depend on somebody else to do certain things you used to be fine doing yourself. To talk to him about this might be a good idea. You will still be there for him. Make that much clear to him. But with work and other things it is not always possible for you to be around. Slowly introduce the idea of another trusted person entering his home. But let him know you respect his pride and understand that side of things. My own Niece does that kind of work. The amount of people who really don't want her in their homes. Simply all about not wanting to depend of somebody you don't know. Even bring a person along with you some day to meet him. Just call this person a friend. No need to use the word care giver. That might scare him off. Gets to meet this person a few times, he might just get used to them and even like having them around. We all know from our anxiety that we worry about things in advance. This is something similar. He has no idea what it will be like. But yet he still hates it. Meets the person and has an ear that will listen to him talk and he might change his mind very quickly.

 

[ladybj]

It can be more about pride than anything else for some people when they finally do need care. To have to depend on somebody else to do certain things you used to be fine doing yourself. To talk to him about this might be a good idea. You will still be there for him. Make that much clear to him. But with work and other things it is not always possible for you to be around. Slowly introduce the idea of another trusted person entering his home. But let him know you respect his pride and understand that side of things. My own Niece does that kind of work. The amount of people who really don't want her in their homes. Simply all about not wanting to depend of somebody you don't know. Even bring a person along with you some day to meet him. Just call this person a friend. No need to use the word care giver. That might scare him off. Gets to meet this person a few times, he might just get used to them and even like having them around. We all know from our anxiety that we worry about things in advance. This is something similar. He has no idea what it will be like. But yet he still hates it. Meets the person and has an ear that will listen to him talk and he might change his mind very quickly.

I agree 101 percent...

 

[Oracle42]

Thank you so much everyone. I'll do my best to just consider it a tiny pebble on the road and that I can get back on track.

I'll try to talk to my FIL about that see how we can fit it in.

I really appreciate the advice.

 

[Trying123]

I thought I was getting past my anxiety phase. I woke up with my heart racing so bad, my hands tingling and shortness of breath. I had to wake my husband up to walk me through it.

I've been dealing still with my mother in laws passing and the possibility of moving in with my father in law to care for him. It's a huge change and frustration since my husband and I have only lived on our own for 3 years and I love it. I'm not ready to live under someone else's roof again. We've expressed our concerns to him that we both work 8hrs a day and he needs 24/7 care and rides to doctors which we cannot provide. Yet he does not seem to rationalize.

This whole process has been going on for about 4months and my anxiety had been through the roof. Although just a couple of weeks ago I had been feeling pretty ok. I could handle stress and was even drinking coffee again without feeling anxious. I had a wonderful anniversary weekend with the hubby last week and we had drinks throughout the weekend feeling just fine. On Saturday i somewhat felt my anxiety creeping up but I just thought to let it through as it was manageable. Then on sunday it was a little stronger but again. I kept thinking that it's ok and to let it go through me.

When I went to bed I kept jolting awake and there I knew I'd have a rough night. I kept my mind distracted and breathed until I fell asleep. Until morning before my alarm to work went off. I woke up and felt like I was vibrating and I knew I had felt this before. Checked my pulse and yup going a million miles. It took me about 5 or so minutes to have it go down but thankfully it did.

And now here I am feeling defeated that my nemesis is back. Ugh

Hi Oracle42. Try to remember what has helped you in the past and have those measures at the ready. Are there any social services for the elderly in your area? I hope you feel better soon.