Asking for help

[DDNatureLover]

I love reaching out and helping others, whether or not they've expressed a need. I actually prefer to help people whenever I can, so if I have something I know they need, I'll give it to them, whether it's a physical item, or a bit of information. I feel fulfilled when donating my unused or previously used but still in good shape items to charities that I know will ultimately benefit those in need. What I have trouble with is asking for help when I need it. I've been putting off something I needed to do because I was hoping that something would change, and I wouldn't have to ask for help. Of course, nothing changed, and I finally bit the bullet yesterday and asked someone to give me a ride for an upcoming task I need to accomplish. My car's not in the greatest shape, and I don't drive it out of the immediate area, so I asked a friend, because she has a new vehicle. Of course it wasn't a problem, and she's fine with taking me to do it, but I still don't like asking.  

 

[Alex]

I find it hard to ask for help, but am happy to help others. I don't want to feel as if I want to owe people anything. I remember when I moved house I did need help, and I was surprised at the number of people who let me down. It really destroyed my faith in people, and I ended up having to ask my father who lived 200 miles away to help me as I was let down by so many people.


People should be able to ask for help, but only when they need it and not for an easy way out. These days I would prefer not to ask for help unless I had no choice.

 

[sidney]

Well if the person is close to me then I would always try to ask for help if I know that they can indeed help me. But sometimes I just try to do it myself or pay someone to do it. If you offer to pay someone, even if it's just a small amount, you can be sure that they would take time to do it because there's an incentive.

 

[Choochoo]

I find it difficult to ask for help. Even as a kid I would put up with certain things, sometimes for years, just because I didn't want to tell anyone I needed assistance. I think it was brought on by a lack of confidence and trust for the adults in my life at the time, so I grew up just trying to solve everything myself even when I knew it would be impossible I'd just still prefer that over having to reveal what I was made to see as weakness. Now as an adult I still carry that behavior, unfortunately, and even when people are offering their help without even me having to ask, I still find it difficult to say yes. 

 

[DDNatureLover]

I definitely agree that it's best to try to do things on your own when possible. I'm a very independent person, and if my parents or others had helped me with everything, I don't think that would necessarily be the case. I see such a difference between myself and my brother. I'm the most independent. I moved out of the home as soon as I could, and was always a very responsible person, able to do things others weren't able to or weren't inclined to do. He's pretty much always lived with my parents, and still does to this day. I don't think that's a good thing, and in my opinion, it's because my mom always did everything for him, made excuses, let him get out of doing chores, etc. He's actually better off financially than I am because he's able bodied and works full time, but doesn't pay any of the household bills, and never has. Despite struggling, in some respects, my pride is still intact, and I'm not sure that would be the case if I were in his situation. 

 

[Panic57]

If I'm really close to someone I don't have an issue with asking for help but it also depends on the request.  If it's a big request, I will be a little more timid but sometimes you just have to ask for the important things.  I have a harder time asking requests from strangers even if it's just for directions.  But I totally get having trouble asking when you're so good at helping others in need.  You get used to that but you have remind yourself that feeling of owing people is what some people feel when you do thing for them.  Asking them for help will allow them to feel good about returning the kindness you've offered in the past.

 

[x0xLikeMex0x]

I find it hard to ask for help too. This also applies when I'm working in a team or leading a team. When I have to lead a team, I'm not good at delegating tasks. I think it has something to do with trust. 


When it comes to asking for help, I feel like I'm making myself look weak. I often come off as a really confident person and I want to feel like a strong person. But the same time I'm afraid of rejection. What if the person I'm asking help from rejects me? 

 

[kgord]

Well, being able to delegate tasks is the sign of a good leader. I don't think that delegating is bad at all. In fact doing it well can be the sign of a good leader. I would just do what you know you should and not worry about it at all. If someone has put you in a leadership postion they see you as a leader and someone who can delegate so it is good. Just do as you think you should.