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are the holidays ever gonna be fun and festive again??

scharley1973

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Oct 16, 2018
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#1
holidays are a job for me to do, not fun and festive anymore :( my anxiety and panic sky rockets...and it lasts for days after :'( i miss my dad. he passed away a cpl months before thanksgiving in 2016. i go and try to be normal or have fun but the whole time im anxious and sick and missing him. and its an hour drive...which isnt good for me at all...i have a hard time going into town :( but my family doesnt really understand. they know i have this disorder but dont really "get it". id just really love to enjoy the holidays again and not be sick. anyone else feel the same?? but i hope you all had a very nice thanksgiving <3
 
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Aug 8, 2018
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#2
Scharley-this may seem like an obvious question, but have you grieved the loss of your dad? Sometimes when we don’t grieve “properly” it comes out as anxiety or depression. I think most especially because you said that during this time you think and miss your dad (most understandably). Just a thought...maybe sit down and write your dad a letter, then tear it up, burn it or hang on to it, if you wish. I have lost four close family members, all during the summer months (years apart), so the summertime is always a little harder for me than the rest of the year. Remember that it’s only been a couple of years since your dad’s passing. That’s still pretty fresh.
 

scharley1973

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Oct 16, 2018
Messages
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#3
Scharley-this may seem like an obvious question, but have you grieved the loss of your dad? Sometimes when we don’t grieve “properly” it comes out as anxiety or depression. I think most especially because you said that during this time you think and miss your dad (most understandably). Just a thought...maybe sit down and write your dad a letter, then tear it up, burn it or hang on to it, if you wish. I have lost four close family members, all during the summer months (years apart), so the summertime is always a little harder for me than the rest of the year. Remember that it’s only been a couple of years since your dad’s passing. That’s still pretty fresh.
i mean i feel like ive grieved his loss but after many therapy sessions...i dont know?? i still have things built up inside me. but they tell me there is no timeline for grief. some people get over it quicker than others and some take much longer, and thats ok. but it doesnt seem ok becuz everyone else in my family have seemed to move on. but...they dont have anxiety and panic either. which its a trigger. im sorry for your losses and i hope you are doing ok. thank you for replying to my post...i have many triggers with things but you are right, with my dad passing right before the holiday, maybe thats why its worse. but its every holiday...idk? things will never be the same as when he was here.
 

triceps

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Aug 7, 2018
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#4
Hi scharley. The holidays are the pits. So many decisions, obligations that increase ones' anxiety. For the sake of my sanity, I just let my family know not to count on me for anything and whatever I can do to contribute or attend will be extra. I really miss my Dad too. He passed away at my home two years ago after spending his final three years here. Jones has a good point about grieving. Maybe we're all going through a stage of it without knowing it.
 

scharley1973

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Oct 16, 2018
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#5
Hi scharley. The holidays are the pits. So many decisions, obligations that increase ones' anxiety. For the sake of my sanity, I just let my family know not to count on me for anything and whatever I can do to contribute or attend will be extra. I really miss my Dad too. He passed away at my home two years ago after spending his final three years here. Jones has a good point about grieving. Maybe we're all going through a stage of it without knowing it.
im sorry about your dad too :( i wish i could tell my family just what you said but they dont understand...if i wouldnt go then im just "crazy" its all in my head. do you know how many times ive heard that and it pisses me off so bad! im not nuts! ive got a disability or illness just like someone with diabeties or heart problems. its something we have no control over but they think i can since its in my head :'( my mom is the only one who understands. so i go and suffer thru every holiday or family event. ya know, its much easier for them becuz they all live within 10 miles of each other. i have an hour there and an hour back! #frustrating!
 

triceps

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#6
im sorry about your dad too :( i wish i could tell my family just what you said but they dont understand...if i wouldnt go then im just "crazy" its all in my head. do you know how many times ive heard that and it pisses me off so bad! im not nuts! ive got a disability or illness just like someone with diabeties or heart problems. its something we have no control over but they think i can since its in my head :'( my mom is the only one who understands. so i go and suffer thru every holiday or family event. ya know, its much easier for them becuz they all live within 10 miles of each other. i have an hour there and an hour back! #frustrating!
Yep, the driving is a big barrier for me also as I have trouble concentrating while driving and get uncomfortable being the passenger. My wife came home from work tonight and asked if I'd like to go out to dinner. I let her know I was having a tough day and couldn't handle it. Maybe I am crazy as I was passing up prime rib. As usual she was understanding, no sign of resentment. I am so lucky to have her support. Well scharley, it seems like a good time to start agonizing over Christmas coming up.
 

scharley1973

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Oct 16, 2018
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#7
Yep, the driving is a big barrier for me also as I have trouble concentrating while driving and get uncomfortable being the passenger. My wife came home from work tonight and asked if I'd like to go out to dinner. I let her know I was having a tough day and couldn't handle it. Maybe I am crazy as I was passing up prime rib. As usual she was understanding, no sign of resentment. I am so lucky to have her support. Well scharley, it seems like a good time to start agonizing over Christmas coming up.
HMMMM.....christmas :( even worse! do we have to start thinking about it yet? lol. not like you can miss it. every tv channel, every store, ect....is already pushing it down our throats! u cant even get past one holiday before there pushing another. im so glad for you triceps tho, your wife sounds amazing :) im so happy you have that support. my fiance is really wonderful too but hes still newer to this. weve been together for 5 years but...still...its only 5 years. alot of people deal with it much much longer....and some people break. and just cant do it anymore. thats a big fear of mine :(
 

triceps

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Aug 7, 2018
Messages
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265
#8
HMMMM.....christmas :( even worse! do we have to start thinking about it yet? lol. not like you can miss it. every tv channel, every store, ect....is already pushing it down our throats! u cant even get past one holiday before there pushing another. im so glad for you triceps tho, your wife sounds amazing :) im so happy you have that support. my fiance is really wonderful too but hes still newer to this. weve been together for 5 years but...still...its only 5 years. alot of people deal with it much much longer....and some people break. and just cant do it anymore. thats a big fear of mine :(
On top of it I've got a birthday a week before Christmas. Hate the attention those darn birthdays bring. I cherish the memories as a kid where I'd look forward to all the holidays, birthdays etc.. Ah, those pre-anxiety days.
I might have an advantage with my wife dealing with my anxiety for 34 years but you have someone that still loves you after 5 years and you can still drink! Just a suggestion. Try to have a discussion sometime with your fiance describing that your future goal is for him to accept you without expectations (unconditionally) except for your promise to him to do the best you can with all responsibilities and obligations. We do what we can but it's so important for things to be ok with our loved ones when we can't.
 

scharley1973

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Oct 16, 2018
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#9
On top of it I've got a birthday a week before Christmas. Hate the attention those darn birthdays bring. I cherish the memories as a kid where I'd look forward to all the holidays, birthdays etc.. Ah, those pre-anxiety days.
I might have an advantage with my wife dealing with my anxiety for 34 years but you have someone that still loves you after 5 years and you can still drink! Just a suggestion. Try to have a discussion sometime with your fiance describing that your future goal is for him to accept you without expectations (unconditionally) except for your promise to him to do the best you can with all responsibilities and obligations. We do what we can but it's so important for things to be ok with our loved ones when we can't.
absouletly :) and yes i still drink but its not really a good thing with everything happening in our lives.
 
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